Relationship Spotlight: Penny & Sheldon (The Big Bang Theory)

(I’m not using last names because, 12 seasons in, Penny still doesn’t have one – lame.)

Lately, I’ve been revisiting some asexual and asexual-coded characters, and that’s meant rewatching quite a few Big Bang episodes I haven’t seen in years.  It’s made me remember a lot of things about the show, both good and bad (including the fact that Bernadette used to be completely different.)  Like any long-running sitcom, it’s seen its contradictions, its ill-conceived arcs, and its gradual dips in quality as the comedy became more hyperfocused on particular characters’ increasingly-heightened defining traits.  But despite its various issues, I do continue to enjoy it, and not just because Sheldon was the first ace-coded character I ever encountered.  For me, one of the show’s best assets has been the friendship between Penny and Sheldon, and in rewatching old episodes, I’ve been reminded of a lot of excellent scenes between them (a few Sheldon-Penny-related spoilers.)

Obviously, the founding premise of the show is its “beauty and the geek” concept, the idea of the four brilliant but socially-awkward physicists encountering the sexy but “ordinary” girl next door Penny.  The show’s opening scene hinges on Leonard’s (at the time, one-sided) love-at-first-sight meeting with Penny, the first handful of seasons heavily features their will-they won’t-they relationship, and Howard and Raj both have more than their fair share of “ogling Penny” moments in the early years.  As usual, though, Sheldon is an anomaly.  Immune to Penny’s attractiveness and generally disinterested in following social norms, he feels no desire to impress her, woo her, or bed her.  Instead, he initially finds her presence an annoying intrusion into his day-to-day life and often loses patience with his friends’ preoccupation with her.  Of the group, Sheldon is the only one who, in the early seasons, wouldn’t lie to flatter her or make a fool of himself in a misguided attempt to win her token.

By the same token, Penny, as an outsider to the group, hasn’t been ground down yet by Sheldon’s incessant bossiness and refuses to give into his demands without a fight.  This means that she becomes an early occasional opponent of his, pushing back against him when she thinks he’s being unfair, unreasonable, or overly selfish.  In one memorable episode, the pair gets into an escalating war of pranks (over Penny’s refusal to make amends for eating one of Sheldon’s French fries, naturally,) each besting the other several times

But along the way, the two begin developing a very unexpected but genuine affection for each other.  While Penny never really becomes someone who simply gives in to Sheldon’s demands, she starts to get a better handle on the neuroses that fuel them, and that makes her more sensitive to his needs.  That means trying to help him feel better when he accidentally locks himself out of his “Fortress of Solitude” (i.e. his apartment) on a rare night alone or reassuring him when he gets overwhelmed at his own birthday party and goes to hide in the bathroom.  Sheldon isn’t really as good a friend to her as she is to him – because he’s Sheldon and that’s how he rolls – but he’s helpful to/supportive of her in his own way.  There are multiple occasions on which one will confide a personal problem to the other, and when Penny is the one who needs help, Sheldon usually steps up.  Whether it’s Penny worrying over whether she should try dating Leonard or wanting to learn a little about physics to better understand Leonard’s work, Sheldon typically winds up being helpful, even if it sometimes takes him a while to manage it.

Over the years, they’ve gotten to know each other very well, to the point that Amy admits to Leonard that she’s sometimes jealous of their bond.  It goes beyond their initial link via Leonard (in fact, when Leonard and Penny break up at one point, Sheldon “sneaks around” to maintain his friendship with Penny,) and given how different the two characters are and how strong Sheldon’s personality is, it’s surprisingly deep.  They get honest with each other in a way that they’re not always able to be with other characters, admitting vulnerabilities, fears, and confusions.  One moment of theirs that I really love comes in an episode where they’re enlisted to try out a test purportedly guaranteed to make any two people fall in love (spoiler alert:  it doesn’t.)  Over the course of the test, they’re asked what special ability they wish they had, and they both own up to wishing they could do what the other can – Penny wishes she had Sheldon’s intellect, and Sheldon wishes he had Penny’s ability to “read minds” (i.e. read social cues to understand what people are thinking.)

The Big Bang Theory is a show that’s had plenty of ups and downs over its probably-far-too-long tenure, and it really doesn’t fit in with my viewing habits at large.  However, Penny and Sheldon’s relationship is one part of the series that’s never disappointed.  Pretty much whenever those two get together, it’s awesome – funny, heartwarming, or both, this friendship has been bringing it for 12 years.

(Possible) Asexual Sighting: Dr. Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)

 

Sheldon is the first character I saw who truly seemed disinterested in sex.  I’d seen others who chose not to, and some for whom the subject never came up, but Sheldon was the first that didn’t seem to have a sexual bone in his body (yeah, yeah, I said “sexual bone” – everybody laugh.)

 

Since this is only a possible asexual sighting (no in-show confirmation,) I can only point to the evidence.  For me, the most compelling is Sheldon’s obliviousness to anything sexual.  In one episode, Raj’s blind date – a dental student – ends up taking a shine to him, and they leave together.  Later, when Leonard asks if Sheldon plans to see her again (after explaining why it was a faux pas to leave with Raj’s date,) he perplexedly asks, “Why would I see her again?  I already have a dentist.”  Sheldon searches for a boyfriend for Penny in another episode (for less than altruistic reasons) and fails to realize that the phone number he’s acquired is meant for him.

 

And when Sheldon does pick up on references to sex, he makes it clear he’s not interested.  Some will explain away his potential asexuality by pointing out his nerdiness and lack of social skills.  However, all four of the guys are nerds with varying levels of awkwardness, and even when Leonard, Howard, and Raj have been unable to get a woman, they still want to.  By contrast, Sheldon doesn’t see why anyone would choose sex over Halo 3.

 

Like with Sherlock, further evidence is found in the way people “other” Sheldon’s orientation.  The biggest example comes in an episode when Sheldon has wound up with a slavishly devoted grad student.  His friends are agog at the sight of Sheldon with a groupie, and Penny drags everyone into the hall to discuss Sheldon’s “deal.”  She asks the others if Sheldon is into “girls?  Guys?  Sock puppets?” and Leonard explains that they’ve “been operating under the assumption that he has no deal” (at which point Penny says there’s no such thing, naturally.)

 

This talk has increased in recent seasons now that Sheldon is dating Amy.  I have to say, their relationship really interests me.  They begin firmly as friends, but that ceases to be enough for Amy.  At first, Sheldon merely acquiesces to dating her, but now, given the choice, he doesn’t want to go back to being friends – he definitely wants her to be his girlfriend.  Since she’s the first woman we’ve seen him take a romantic interest in, I’m gonna say demi-heteroromantic.  In the two-and-a-half seasons they’ve been dating, they’ve held hands and kissed, which Sheldon would call moving pretty fast.  Amy, meanwhile, propositions him every chance she gets, and is often thwarted by his obliviousness.  Of the other ace and possibly-ace characters I’ve seen, none of them seem romantic, so I love that we’re getting this story with Sheldon.  I hope that, in episodes to come, they talk more about sex and find a way for both of them to be comfortable in the relationship, rather than Sheldon calling most of the shots and leaving Amy hard-up.

 

Representation-wise, it’s a mixed bag.  Sheldon is a hilarious, enjoyable character when the show avoids the urge to take him over-the-top.  He’s obviously brilliant, very accomplished, and he probably has the highest self-esteem of all the nerds on the show.  On the down side, he might be largely responsible for the socially-inept ace stereotype.  He’s rude, bossy, and illiterate at reading social cues.  Additionally, while there’s nothing wrong with his germophobia and possible ASD and/or OCD, some viewers might equate them as the cause of his sexual disinterest, giving credence to the idea that asexuality is a disorder instead of an orientation.