Monday,
March 25
·
Headlines
– Trump wins golf tournament at his club, Trump’s legal fines in civil fraud
case
o
Trump
made quite the proclamation about his golfing victory on Truth Social – “That’s
right, woke libs! You think Donald Trump’s a loser? Well, would a loser…brag
about winning a golf tournament…at his own course? I don’t think so!”
o
In
his civil fraud case, Trump had a week to come up with $454 million and prevent
his assets being seized. We watched an “is this the end for Donald Trump?”
montage of news clips, with one anchor wondering if this move signaled “the
obituary” for Trump’s business – “RIP The Trump Organization. It died as it
lived: fraudulently.”
o
John
was ready to celebrate, but then came the news – An appeals court took Trump’s
penalty and knocked it down from $454 million to $175 million, plus they gave
him more time to come up with the money.
o
This
led into the main point of the piece, Trump’s criminal activities and the reactions
of right-wing pundits arguing, “It’s a victimless crime,” and wondering,” Who’s
next?” in the alleged witch hunt of prosecutions for bank fraud – “‘Who’s
next?’ The persecuted minority of the investment community. ‘First they came for
the arbitrators / And I said nothing, / For I was not an arbitrator. / And then
they came for the quants, / Which I could be— / I don’t know what they are.’”
o
John
laid out how Trump’s crime isn’t actually without victims – “Money isn’t
infinite. A loan that goes to the liar [who wildly overvalued his assets] doesn’t
go to someone who’s giving a more honest evaluation, so the system becomes
incentivized for corruption.”
o
One
guy wringing his hands on Fox News said that every big business owner
cheats in the same way that Trump does, so it’s unfair to prosecute him – John
noted, “There is a theory in law that if enough people commit a crime, it
automatically becomes legal. You’re familiar with the Purge, are you not?”
o
Good
line – “In their minds, there is no rule that cannot be bent, there is no
principle that cannot be undercut, as long as you and your f**king friends are
making money.”
o
John
added, “Apparently the only immoral practice in the capitalist system is to use
that money for people who may need it” – This led us to a montage of those same
folks fearmongering about benefit fraud and grocery shoplifting.
o
John
summed it up like this – “You nutrition-needing mother**kers, bringing our
system to its knees! Stealing is only justified when you already have too
much!”
·
Interview
– Musician Gary Clark Jr.
o
In
talking about his new album, Clark was most eager to discuss writing a song for
it with Stevie Wonder – He reminisced about Wonder FaceTiming him in the
earlier days of the pandemic, recalling, “He says, ‘I’m gonna send you a voice
memo. You wanna collab?’ What am I gonna say, ‘No?’”
o
Clark
praised Wonder’s work on the song, saying, “He’s tapped into something that I
don’t think many people are able to tap into.”
·
Performance
– Gary Clark Jr.
o
Clark
performed a beautiful, moody song called “Habits.”
o
I
liked the line, “I’ve been feelin’ like this for a while, / And I always hide
behind my crooked smile.”
o
Gorgeous
ending – “I’ve got everything I need, more than I wanted, / But it means
nothing when you’re gone.”
Tuesday, March
26
·
Headlines
– Trump shills the Bible, cargo ship crashes into Baltimore bridge, Florida
bans social media accounts for children under 14
o
Jordan
was our host for the rest of the week – He came out strong with, “Let’s begin
with the ongoing legal woes of America’s defendant-in-chief, Donald Trump.”
o
The
new “God Bless the USA” Bible Trump is hawking features patriotic add-ons like
the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence – “Yeah, Trump is mashing
together the Bible and the Constitution like it’s a Pizza Hut/Taco Bell.”
o
Ha!
– “Trump getting into business with God can only mean one thing: God is gonna
end up bankrupt and serving a three-month prison sentence for lying under
oath.”
o
In
response to the bridge collapse in Baltimore, right-wing pundits speculated
about culprits from “wide-open borders” to terrorist attacks – Jordan was
especially struck by Alex Jones’s fearmongering cyberattack claims, exclaiming,
“‘WWIII has already started’?!? But I have Dune tickets this weekend!”
o
Loved
this – “You know, media figures, you are allowed to just say, ‘We’re waiting
for more information,’ all right? We don’t need to fill every moment of
uncertainty with bullshit. ‘It might be too early to speculate, but can we
prove that this wasn’t P Diddy’s getaway sex barge? Stay tuned and find
out!’”
o
Jordan
hated to admit it, but he kind of agreed with Ron DeSantis on keeping kids off
social media – “If Florida teenagers are kicked off of their phones, maybe they
can focus on all the quintessential experiences of being a teen in Florida.
Things like wrestling a gator at prom, or going to the library and reading the
four books that are still legal to read, or trying to avoid Matt Gaetz on your
walk home from school, you know? Classic Florida teen shit!”
·
The
GOP struggles with women voters
o
We
opened on the recent Supreme Court case over mifepristone – Jordan explained, “Even
if the abortion pill survives this time, it’s clear that women’s reproductive
health will be under threat for a long time. Which presents a big problem for
Republicans, who are trying to figure out how to win over women voters while
taking their rights away.”
o
We
looked at such sterling strategies as “show empathy to women” and “don’t bring
up the rape and incest thing” – “Right, right, the majority of Americans don’t
like ‘the rape and incest thing.’ It’s amazing what the polling shows!”
·
Interview
– Anchor/author Jim Sciutto
o
Sciutto’s
new book, The Return of Great Powers, was on the reemergence of global
superpowers and looking ahead to the next world war.
o
As
they discussed NATO, Jordan shared some of the perspective he hears in his
field pieces, saying, “When I go out and I talk to people at MAGA events, you
know, there’s an isolationist attitude, to say the least.”
o
Sciutto
said, “We benefitted from [NATO] for years, not just since the last Cold War,
but going back to, like, 80 years ago, post-WWII. NATO and other treaties
helped keep the peace, pretty much. It’s not perfect, but they did prevent—so
far, right?—the next world war. That’s important.”
Wednesday,
March 27
·
Headlines
– January 6th fallout
o
What
even is life right now? – “We’re gonna get into the big question America is
grappling with right now: if someone tried to overthrow democracy and kill the
vice president, is that a red flag?”
o
We
began by looking back at the initial consensus of condemning the insurrection,
including a speech by Trump himself – “You hear that, people who broke the law?
You’re gonna pay for that! So says the person who told you to break the law.”
o
Now,
though, things definitely changed – After one insurrectionist got out of prison
and Rep. Louie Gohmert presented her with an American flag, Jordan said, “I’m
no history buff, but she was a loser in a failed insurrection. If you’re gonna
her with a flag, it probably should’ve been this flag.” He was talking,
of course, about the Confederate flag.
o
Meanwhile,
Trump rails against the “horrible treatment” of “the J6 hostages,” even open in
his rallies with a recording of the so-called J6 Prison Choir singing the
National Anthem – “That’s how far Trump has gone. He’s turning these January 6th
rioters into victims and patriots and innocent choir boys.”
o
I
loved this – “Look, we can’t normalize this! Do you remember when he
wasted three months of our lives being mad at Colin Kaepernick for kneeling
for the National Anthem? Now he’s saluting rioters, insurrectionists, and even
worse, a cappella singers!”
o
In
other news, the QAnon Shaman is running for Congress, promising solutions to
the nation’s problems – “Solutions?!? What solutions could he possibly have?
‘Social security is in trouble, have you tried beating it with a flagpole?’”
o
Excellent
summation – “Here’s the point: this is not just a fight for how to remember the
past. The people who did January 6th are trying to get back in power.
If they lose, they’ll do January 6th again.”
·
RFK
Jr. names his VP candidate
o
Kennedy’s
VP pick, Nicole Shanahan, recently spent $4 million on a Super Bowl ad for his
campaign – “That’s right! The independent outsider taking on the political and
corporate power structure decided to run for president with…his sugar daddy.”
o
Jordan
was baffled by Kennedy’s announcement, in which he praised Shanahan’s surfing
ability and noted that she went to college on a softball scholarship – “Who
cares if she surfs? There’s never been a crisis in American history that
required the VP to shred the gnar, you know?”
o
Michael
attended Kennedy’s announcement rally – “It’s exciting: I’m unvaxxed, I’m
unwaxed, and I’m ready to go!”
o
Prior
to the announcement, many Kennedy supporters were buzzing about the celebrities
on his VP shortlist – Michael agreed with one man’s take, saying, “Aaron
Rodgers is the only guy with experience: The Joe Rogan Experience.”
o
This
cracked me up – “There’s something in the air right now, along with all the
cancer-causing Wi-Fi, and it’s excitement!”
·
Interview
– Journalist/author Byron Tau
o
Tau
was there to discuss his book The Means of Control, which is about
digital surveillance through data brokerage.
o
He
and Jordan both agreed that, while it’s bad enough for companies to collect and
sell our data, it’s even more unsettling to think of governments buying that
data for themselves.
o
In
one surprising example, Tau talked about tire sensors – While the sensors have
a useful purpose of alerting a driver when their tire pressure is low, the
signal it gives off can be used to pinpoint that car’s location at any time.
Thursday,
March 28
·
Headlines
– Sam Bankman-Fried sentenced to 25 years in prison, Biden holds star-studded
fundraiser, NYC considers congestion toll for midtown Manhattan
o
This
line made me smile – “Wow, Biden, Obama, and Clinton in one show. It’s like
Coachella for the kids who asked the teacher for more homework.”
o
This
was Jordan’s take on a congestion toll – “Understandably, people are upset. And
the last thing I want is angry drivers in New York, can you imagine?”
o
Grace
brainstormed ways to avoid the toll, including driving through the sewers – “It’s
fast, it’s efficient, and you might run into a Teenage Mutant Nina Turtle!”
·
In
My Opinion (Leslie Jones) – New poll shows Trump leading over Biden
o
Yay,
Leslie Jones! John Leguizamo did one of these back in the fall – I liked it
then, and I’m glad to see them doing it again here, nice way to shake things
up.
o
Leslie
was a gigantic mood throughout this whole piece – “What the f**k is
wrong with us??? This is like a movie where you see the disaster coming from a
mile away, and nobody is stopping it! Every time I watch the news, I’m shouting
at the screen like it’s a horror movie. Don’t go in there, America! Leatherface
is in there, America!”
o
Seriously
– “How can you forget the man who wanted to nuke a hurricane? That actually
happened!”
o
Leslie
was just making points all over the place – “The thing that really gets me is
that people say we’re worse off than we were in 2020! In 2020, we didn’t even
have f**king toilet paper! We was wiping our ass with family photos!”
o
Her
main theme was, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that America is about to do
something that we know is harmful to us, because that is what we always do.”
o
This
led to a lot of great examples, such as, “We know we should take care of our
mental health, but we entertain ourselves by watching documentaries of f**king
serial killers!”
o
She
also mentioned looking up symptoms on Web M.D. instead of going to the doctor,
admitting, “I know it’s irresponsible, but I can’t control myself, probably
because I’m dying of scurvy” – I’m choosing to view that as an Our Flag
Means Death reference!
·
Interview
– Musician Huey Lewis
o
The
Heart of Rock ‘n’ Roll,
a new Broadway show based on Lewis’s music, is about to open.
o
He
talked about the process of creating the show, saying, “What Tyler and John did
was they printed all of our lyrics and put them up on a wall, and just lived
with them. And I guess there was some jogging involved? But then this story
emerged that was pretty compelling.”
o
Nice
observation – “It’s a reimagining of the tunes, really. They worked in a
certain way already anyway, but we had to tweak them a little bit in order to
push the story forward. Because the songs have to push the story forward, you
know? By the same token, you don’t want to lose the integrity of the songs, so
that’s the little balancing act.”
o
Jordan
observed that Huey Lewis and the News was the canonical favorite band for both
Marty McFly in Back to the Future and Patrick Bateman in American
Psycho – quite the range of fictional fans!
