Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture – and What We Can Do about It (2015)

I first heard about this book by chance, catching a blurb in the paper prior to its release.  Besides the important, obviously highly-relevant subject matter, the notice praised it for being very well and accessibly-written.  When it came out, I requested it from the library – only problem was, there was only one copy in the entire library system for my region, and there was already a waiting list.  Finally, though, I got my hands on it and was able to read it.

Written by Kate Harding, the book explores the myriad symptoms and pervasive effects of rape culture in American society.  Even without the title, it’s no surprise to learn that one major theme is the enduring practice of victim-blaming, grilling a survivor about what she was wearing, what neighborhood she was in at what time of day, how much she may have been drinking or otherwise indulging, and what “encouragement” she might have given to her rapist.  (Side note:  the book does understand and acknowledge that women aren’t the only victims of rape, but that is where its main focus lies – in fact, Harding points out that part of the additional suffering for male survivors is the stigma that comes from the idea that rape is a “women’s problem.”)  And of course, it’s noted that rape is the only crime in which the victims tend to be held so accountable for their own violation – for example, Harding observes that victims of robbery aren’t typically raked over the coals for owning enviable possessions or not having a more robust security system, and there’s no national debate over what constitutes “real robbery.”

Harding explores numerous aspects of the subject.  She looks at the widespread problem of overestimating the number of false rape accusations, examining the myths that contribute to that damaging misconception and giving an example of the complicated factors that are often involved in the (very rare) instances when women do fabricate accusations of rape, thus adding fuel to the fire of those who believe the majority (the majority – that’s what some people think!) of rape accusations are completely false.  Additionally, she discusses numerous rape myths, from “she wanted it” to “it’s not rape if he didn’t use force” to the national picture of the “stranger rapist” hiding in the bushes.  That last point is an important one, because that’s the image a lot of people have of what rape looks like, but since most rapists are known to the victim, these actual cases don’t fit into people’s idea of what rape is and contributes to the, “Okay, but was it rape-rape?” discussion.  She also explores rape in an intersectional context:  race, LGBTQ identity (including trans,) and economic status.  Numerous case studies are included, which are brutal and hard to read, but they’re a sober demonstration of just how deep the myths and misperceptions run that people can look at such heinous crimes and still doubt whether anything illegal happened.

One of my favorite aspects of the book is Harding’s emphasis on men’s role in helping to combat rape culture and these destructive myths.  She argues that rape myths hurt men as well.  All the “she was asking for it” BS – the idea that the man “couldn’t help himself” because of what the woman was wearing or how she was dancing – suggests that men are little more than animals, mindless beasts who are slaves to their libido.  Who wants to uphold the idea that they’re at such mercy to their biological urges?  She advocates teaching girls and boys about consent and what that looks like, rather than putting all the onus on girls to protect themselves from being raped, because she believes that men are capable of controlling their own actions.