"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Relationship Spotlight: Barry Winchell & Calpernia Addams (Soldier’s Girl)

In a film that shows some of the darkness people can be capable of, this relationship is a spot of light.  The warmth of care between these two, their slow, simmering attraction, is simply gorgeous, and it’s a travesty that their love would put either of them in danger from those find it abnormal or wrong.

Their meet-cute isn’t exactly one for the ages.  Before they physically meet, each has caught the other’s eye – Barry is instantly taken with Callie when he sees her perform at the club where she works, and from her onstage vantage point, she picks him out of the crowd – but their actual introduction leaves something to be desired.  Surrounded by Barry’s drunk army buddies, who alternate between leering at Callie and making jokes at her expense, Callie pulls Barry aside mainly to prevent a fight between him and one of his belligerent friends.  As the two walk off together, Barry’s friends jovially remind him of his “mission”:  ascertaining Callie’s genitalia.

But in the midst of that boisterous, sexist, transphobic setting, something begins to happen.  Callie is friendly and self-deprecatingly winning, and Barry is shy but kind in a gentlemanly way.  Right off the bat, Barry makes no question of Callie’s gender identity.  If anything, she’s the one who’s preoccupied by it, flirting offhandedly but never thinking he’ll honestly look twice at her until he asks for her phone number.  And when he calls, they fall almost immediately into a lovely, comfortable relationship.  They joke and play around, they share details of their lives, Callie introduces him to her friends, and Barry brags about the strides he’s making in the army. 

It’s not a relationship without no internal troubles; they can both be insecure (Callie about her looks, Barry about his intelligence,) Callie can lash out when she’s feeling vulnerable, and Barry tends to bottle up his fears or worries until they explode.  However, by and large, they simply are.  Barry reminds Callie how beautiful she is when she doesn’t feel it.  Callie celebrates Barry’s gentleness and sensitivity, which, the army tends to view as liabilities.  Each wants the best for the other, pushing them toward their full potential, but each also recognizes when the other is in a fragile place and needs a little slack.

I really like that Callie being trans isn’t a huge thing in their relationship, but it’s also not completely ignored.  Early on, Callie tries to avoid reminders of it, fearing that Barry will get scared off.  In fact, the first time he tries to attend to her in bed, she begs him not to, insisting that it will ruin everything.  As their relationship progresses, however, Callie starts, slowly, to be more comfortable with letting him see her as she is, trusting that her trans status doesn’t affect his love for her.  She opens up about the last time she saw her mother, she shares her hopes for further medical transition, and her pre-transition history in the military becomes an inside joke between them – they teasingly give each other orders, and Barry admits to being a little jealous when he finds out she outranks him.  It’s part of their relationship, because it’s part of Callie, but it’s only that:  a part.  Not a problem.  Not a complication.  Not an issue.  Just a part.  As much a feature of their relationship as Barry being a soldier, Callie being a performer, or both of them being from the south.  It’s others looking in from the outside that magnify it and try to twist it into something insidious.  When it’s just Callie and Barry, that’s all it is, one of many pieces that contribute to the whole of their love.

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