"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, February 4, 2023

News Satire Roundup: January 30th-February 2nd

Monday, January 30

·        Headlines – Police killing of Tyre Nichols

o   D.L. took issue with news stories that called the video of Nichols’ violent murder “shocking” – “ ‘Shocking.’ You know who wasn’t shocked by that? Black people.” He later added, “The only people who were shocked by that were people who probably haven’t been paying attention.”

o   He was unnerved by how media outlets spent upwards of a week talking about the video before it was actually released – “You realize, that video got more promo than I did for this show!”

o   To that end, he said, “It was like they were rolling out a new movie release. ‘Brought to you by the people who brought you George Floyd and Rodney King…’”

o   D.L. had some good remarks on the five Black officers who were quickly fired, arrested, and charged with Nichols’ murder – “There’s something about them that looks ‘fast arrest worthy,’ I don’t—I can’t put my finger on it, but I want to arrest them myself.”

o   This was a good line – “Then they gave orders that didn’t give any sense, like telling him to get on the ground when he was already on the ground. Like, I don’t know how they do it in Memphis, but where I’m from, the ground is as low as you can go.”

o   Roy came on to talk about the SCORPION unit itself – “The whole idea of an elite police unit is already kinda weird. Like, shouldn’t the whole police force already been elite? Y’all already got guns.”

o   Loved this – “Here’s the thing: police got all these elite units. How ‘bout they form an elite unit that’s specifically trained to not kill Black people?”

·        Interview – Attorney Ben Crump

o   Good line from D.L. – “Whenever I hear from you, I know it’s bad news. You never call me like, you won the lotto or had a baby shower, nothing like that.”

o   When asked about the swift arrest and charges for the five officers, Crump thought it established an important precedent – “They cannot say anymore to us, whether a cop is Black or white, when you see them on video committing a crime, using excessive force against us, that it takes six months, that it takes a year. Nah, you can’t tell us that anymore, ‘cause we’re gonna say, ‘Remember those five Black police in Memphis? Y’all arrested them immediately.’”

o   Another nice remark from D.L. – “I’m tired of hearing about rotten apples. It’s time to start talking about the trees and the soil the trees grow in.”

·        Interview – Authors Ibram X. Kendi & Nic Stone

o   This was how D.L. introduced Kendi and Stone’s new book – “So, How to Be a (Young) Antiracist. That means you’re already banned in Florida.”

o   One thing both authors talked about was the importance of defining very basic terms, such as “racism,” in order to discuss it – Kendi explained, “One of the things that happens is that people who’ve historically been racist refuse to define that term, because that allows them to exonerate themselves consistently and constantly. And even young people therefore don’t know what it is, so they can’t even assess themselves and guide themselves.”

o   Stone talked about the book’s value, not just as a tool to educate others, but to better explore oneself – “I think part of the issue is that we don’t do a good job of humanizing ourselves. We don’t give ourselves the space to be angry, we don’t ourselves the space to be sad. We don’t give ourselves the space to have unpopular opinions.”

Tuesday, January 31

·        Headlines – The police murder of Tyre Nichols, tech CEO announces layoffs with Martin Luther King, Jr. quote, Nazi homeschool curriculum

o   I laughed at D.L.’s take on Tucker Carlson – “ This dude is so obsessed with Black people, I’m gonna start calling him Sickle Cell.”

o   Great line – “Who fires people with Martin Luther King quotes? Like, ‘I’ve been to the mountaintop, and they ain’t hiring either.’”

o   Desi reported on the Ohio couple putting Nazi ideology in their homeschool curriculum – “These lesson plans are shocking! They teach hate. They teach racism. They teach cursive. It’s disgusting!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Jordan) – Trump rally

o   Jordan had a great reaction to a Trump supporter claiming that the refugees fleeing Ukraine are really just actors – “That’s a lot of actors. If that’s a SAG gig, that’s gonna cost you billions.”

·        Interview – Musician PJ Morton

o   In response of D.L.’s question about making both R&B and gospel music, Morton explained, “Me, I like my songs to be a reflection of life, you know, and my life entails all of that. It entails love, it entails the weather being nice. It entails my faith. So I talk about all those things and pull from them as I see fit. Or really, I say the music tells me what to say.”

o   After hearing about some of his recent guest artists, D.L. exclaimed, “Wait, you got Nas, Stevie, and Jesus. You can’t lose, baby!” – Morton grinned and affirmed that he had “the dream team.”

·        Performance – PJ Morton

o   Morton performed a number called “Be Like Water,” which he confirmed to D.L. was inspired by the famous Bruce Lee quote.

Wednesday, February 1

·        Headlines – Tom Brady announces retirement (again,) George Washington University installs Plan B in vending machines, Tyre Nichols’ funeral, missing Dallas Zoo tamarins recovered

o   Good line – “I don’t even think Black History Month is in February because it’s the shortest. ‘Cause it’s the coldest, that’s why. Ain’t no way in hell they gonna march in February, I know that.”

o   D.L. praised Kamala Harris for attending Tyre Nichols’ funeral, but he added, “I’m happy she showed up in Black mode, not in cop mode. Because, I mean, she was a district attorney and that could’ve been a sting operation.”

o   I loved D.L.’s reaction to the photo of the missing tamarins – “Those monkeys look like Civil War reenactors, don’t they?” For the cherry on top, we got a sepia-toned graphic of a tamarin in uniform as D.L. intoned, “Dear Clarabelle, the war drags on….”

·        Black History Month

o   D.L. headed out for a man-on-the-street bit – “Nothing says Black History Month like Hollywood Blvd. Actually, it’s the closest the crew would come to Martin Luther King Blvd.”

o   One man said he was excited for Black History Month, saying, “Our kids are getting better educated” – Not missing a beat, D.L. added, “Not in Florida, though.”

o   “It’s your first Black History Month?” D.L. asked a Black woman in surprise – Before learning that she was from South Africa, he wondered, “How long have you been Black?”

·        Interview – Former NFL player/commentator Domonique Foxworth

o   I don’t have much knowledge about football, but this is a dynamic that I have been aware of – “What the quarterback represents on the football team is something that white people and America in general were never comfortable with, seeing a Black person represent that.”

o   D.L. and Foxworth discussed Damar Hamlin’s cardiac arrest on the field, with Foxworth acknowledging the serious risks of the game – When D.L. asked people play it then, Foxworth answered, “When you were a kid and you wanna play football, you decide before you’re, like, of clear mind. And you show a propensity for it. People just keep pushing you along, keep pushing you along.”

o   When it comes to social justice, Foxworth likened modern athletes more to “flashlights” than activists, shining a light on issues – Given the demands of their job, he understood why “they aren’t entrenched in the fight in the way that, say, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was.”

Thursday, February 2

·        Headlines – Man drives family off a cliff, Sean Hannity on police brutality, child places $1000 GrubHub order

o   Fortunately, the family survived the crash – “What I can’t understand is how a Tesla can survive going off a cliff when it can’t go down the street without blowing the f**k up.”

o   D.L. took issue with Sean Hannity’s “gotcha” that more white people than Black people were killed by police in 2022 – “Obviously, it wouldn’t be surprising that police kill more white people than Black people, ‘cause there are way more of them. That’s like, more white people than Black people died in NASCAR races. Of course!”

o   Dulcé came on to talk about the 6-year-old who placed an exorbitant GrubHub order with his dad’s phone. After learning that GrubHub refunded all the money, she decided that getting herself a baby would be the best cover for running cons – I laughed out loud at, “Plus, babies don’t have object permanence. How’s he gonna snitch on me after I stop existing?”, at which point she started playing peek-a-boo.

·        Long Story Short – Rap lyrics as evidence in trials

o   In one example of rap lyrics being used as evidence in a murder trial, lawyers presented the lyrics despite numerous differences between the verse and the real-life crime – “Okay, they got the gun wrong, they got the stabbing wrong, they got the number of victims wrong, the only thing they got right was the porch. And every Black person I know got a goddamn porch.”

o   This was a good personal example from D.L. – “I’m a comedian. I ain’t never in my life seen a rabbi and a priest walk into a damn bar.”

o   We looked at a study showing that people perceived lyrics differently depending on whether they were told it was from a rap, country, or heavy metal song “There’s violence in every art form, but the one with young Black rappers is the only one that gets treated this way.”

·        Interview – Rapper Mac Phipps

o   Following from the previous story, Phipps is a rapper whose lyrics were used against him in court, and he served 21 years in prison as a result – Looking at other rapper trials that have been in the media more recently, he said, “I think even if there are people who are doing what they’re saying, I speak for the majority, and the majority is straight fiction.”

o   D.L. asked Phipps how, after everything he’s been through, he still has “light in [his] eyes” – Phipps replied, “I made a promise to myself. I said I was never gonna let this situation turn me blackhearted. I never wanted to be bitter, mad about it.”

o   Now, Phipps advocates against lyrics being used in trials – “When I came out [of prison], I said, ‘Well, I gotta get to work, ‘cause there’s other guys I left behind who are in similar situations.’”

I thought D.L. did a nice job. I especially appreciated how loose he was with the audience. By the way he would riff off of their reactions, you could really tell how comfortable he is interacting with a crowd.

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