"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, July 23, 2022

News Satire Roundup: July 18th-July 21st

Monday, July 18

·        Headlines – Heat wave in Europe, Biden visits Saudi Arabia, Build Back Better bill, BMW starts subscription service for heated seats

o   I liked the description of Europe as “a continent with a long history of white-on-white violence.”

o   Great bit – “It’s so bad that there were photos going around today of people pouring water in the mouths of the guards at Buckingham Palace. Yeah. I mean, if I had to make a suggestion, though, maybe the first thing I would do in a heat wave is lose the ten-foot hat covered entirely in fur?”

o   Oh man, I loved this – “So, once again, all over the world, we’re experiencing record temperatures, wildfires, and droughts. And I mean, I know it can’t be climate change, ‘cause Fox says that’s not real. So it’s probably pronouns? Is it pronouns? I heard those were pretty bad.”

o   Good observation – “It’s also funny how President Biden thought it would be better to fist-bump Mohammed bin Salman because that seems less friendly than a handshake? That’s the whitest decision of all time.”

o   Quoted for truth – “If Joe Manchin doesn’t believe in these policies, the least he could do is just say so up front instead of wasting everybody’s time and jerking the Democrats around for a year pretending there was something they could do to win him over.”

o   I loved Trevor calling cars “Transformers that never went through puberty.”

o   This was a fun bit – “You realize there’s a downside to this, right? Car manufacturers are joining the subscription model and we know how this goes. First you buy things, then they go, oh, now you subscribe. And then how does it end? It always ends with ads. Always. It’s only a matter of time before you buy a BMW, and then you’re gonna have to, like, listen to a mattress ad every time you start the car.”

·        Correspondent Piece (Dulcé) – “Can I Make You Late for Work?”

o   This was a meh bit, just Dulcé running around trying to stall people on their way to work – I did like her reaction to one guy telling her he works for a start-up that makes “subscribe and save” buttons, exclaiming, “That’s a job? I’m out here standing in the sun like my ancestors, and this little boy’s out here making click buttons on the damn internet? That’s what you do?”

o   Dulcé also acknowledged social distancing, reminding her people-on-the-street that we were still in “a Pandora’s box,” a “panini press,” and “a Panda Express.”

·        Interview – WNBA union director Terri Jackson

o   Jackson discussed the detention of Brittany Griner and the complicated balancing act of rallying around her without angering the Russian government.

o   She nicely laid out how tricky this is – “In the beginning we were quiet. That’s what we were told—that was the best way to show our best support. And if anybody in your audience knows WNBA players, they are very vocal, they look to get informed about a situation and they will step out on their platforms and give, you know, the proper recognition, the proper spotlight. But the way that we were told in the beginning, to best show our support was to be quiet.”

o   However, that did not mean that they weren’t doing everything they can to contribute to bringing her home – “This is an issue about the sanctity of sport. You’re right. She should not be a political pawn. This is not a game. This is not the game.”

Tuesday, July 19

·        Headlines – “Shrinkflation,” report released on Uvalde school shooting, Secret Service texts deleted from January 5th-6th

o   Fun imagery here – “And you’ve probably noticed this [shrinkflation], right? Back in the day, you bought a big bag of chips. Everyone ate. These days, you open the bag and there’s just one chip holding the sides to make it look big.”

o   This was a great description of corporations shrinkflating their products – “They’re acting like drug dealers cutting their product to stretch their supply.”

o   I felt Trevor’s reaction to a Texas school district mandating see-through backpacks after the Uvalde shooting – “What are we doing here, people? I’m constantly amazed at how America is willing to get rid of everything except guns."

o   Trevor didn’t buy that the Secret Service’s texts from January 6th were lost when they switched over to new devices – “Why do I feel like this is the same kind of ‘device replacement program’ you do when your partner asks you to explain where you were the other night?”

·        Correspondent Piece (Michael) – Fruit conspiracy

o   Mildly amusing, Michael making fun of red-pill conspiracy theorists with a ridiculous postulation, this time that the government is tracking us through the stickers on fresh produce.

o   I liked that one of statements on Michael’s Whiteboard O’ Conspiracy was, “THE BANANAS HAVE EYES.”

o   This made me chuckle – “Meet the IFPS, a.k.a. the International Federation for Produce Standards, a.k.a. a secret global cabal because I’ve never heard of it before.”

·        Interview – NASA engineer Gregory Robinson

o   Trevor asked what the James Webb telescope images will offer us, beyond just cool images of space – Robinson answered, “In astrophysics and astronomy, we’re always looking to answer questions. Where do we come from? How do we fit into this universe? Are we alone?”

o   Trevor praised his efforts as crucial to getting the new telescope up and running, but Robinson demurred, saying, “Smarts is never a shortage at NASA.”

o   I loved this – “We will learn things that we could never even imagine, so as we answer questions, we also will create new questions for the future.”

Wednesday, July 20

·        Headlines – House passes Respect for Marriage Act, Democrats boost far-right candidates in Republican primaries, Sesame Street apologizes for theme-park performer behavior

o   I loved this line – “Although this made conservatives happy because they finally made government small enough to fit inside a woman’s vagina, everyone else was pretty furious.”

o   OMG, so true – “I don’t know about you, but I haven’t said ‘codified’ this much in my entire life. We just say it like it’s normal, like, ‘Codify—did they codify?’ ‘You didn’t codify.’ ‘They should have codified.’ ‘Did you codify your Starbucks order?’ ‘I did.’”

o   Now that the House has passed a bill codifying same-sex and interracial marriage, Trevor called it “a great victory for 1995” – “It’s really strange to be diving back into this debate that we thought was resolved in 2015.”

o   Yes, Democrats are paying for ads supporting extreme far-right candidates in Republican primaries – “Believe it or not, Democrats are actually helping these extreme candidates win the nomination, because they’re assuming that they’re too crazy to win the general election. Yes. It’s a plan that has never backfired in the history of America for the last five years.”

o   I loved Trevor’s reaction to the video of a Sesame Place performer ignoring two little Black girls as she walked by – “This is some bullshit. These little girls are getting snubbed by Rosita? She’s not even a top-ten Muppet.”

o   Perfect, no notes – “You know, what got me here is this. Sesame Place’s explanation for this whole thing was weird, because their excuse was that it wasn’t racism—it’s just that the costumes make it hard to see at lower levels. But…that’s where the kids are. Why would you design a costume for kids that can’t see most kids?”

o   This killed me – “I mean, if you can’t see at lower levels, what happens with the employees in the parks? Like, they must be so confused. Every day, they’re just going out. They’re like, ‘Damn, no kids again? Just a bunch of adult weirdos all by themselves. What’s going on here?’”

o   Ronny was the headline correspondent, and he did his actual job (belligerently) reporting on social media trends. I laughed at his response to a TikTok challenge where parents trick their kids into thinking they’re going to fight another parent-kid combo – “You know what, if your kid is willing to fight for you, no questions asked, that means you are a great parent, right? That’s right.”

·        Correspondent Piece (Dulcé) – Gender roles in kids’ literature

o   Right off the bat, Dulcé highlighted why this issue is important – “The fact is, children’s books play a big role in shaping our views as adults, whether it’s about race, culture, or proper pooping etiquette.”

o   Yikes – “But this Leave It to Beaver bullshit wasn’t just happening in the 1950s. Even in the ‘90s, the four main jobs women and girls held in picture books were scullery maid, daughter, princess, and mother, while men and boys got to be things like detective, aircraft inventor, and knight.”

o   Apart from selling outdated gender roles, kids’ books also feature disproportionately male protagonists – “You’d think you could escape this problem by just reading children’s books about animals. But nope. Even in those books, the main animal character is male way more often than female. So basically, if you want kids to learn equal gender representation from animals, you got to take ‘em to the zoo.”

·        Interview – Actress/writer Jenny Slate

o   After Trevor puzzled over how Marcel the Shell with Shoes One works as well as it does, Slate admitted, “I also think you’re right—there’s absolutely no way to pitch this movie. And it’s a big vote for, like, if you have an idea and you’re not sure how to explain it, maybe just try to find a way to do it.”

o   I liked this comment from Slate on the movie’s stop-motion – “Our animation director, Kirsten Lepore, made, like, such beautiful animation. It’s not super smooth, you know? It’s just real enough that, like, you could almost see it out of the corner of your eye.”

o   Trevor noted that Slate seems to have an affinity for “in telling an adult story to kids that’s almost secretly going to adults” – Slate replied, “You’re right. I do like stuff like that. Because I feel like children are actually capable of, like, feeling huge, vibrant, and sometimes overwhelming feelings. And it’s good to, like, give them a space to try that out and say, ‘Yeah, you’re, like, really strong enough to do this.’ But also, there are so many adults who weren’t given that opportunity. So it’s nice for them to see something where they see, like, a young or small thing really making it work in that way.”

Thursday, July 21

·        Headlines – Biden contracts COVID, Boris Johnson’s farewell speech to Parliament, Amazon plans to buy One Medical

o   I enjoyed Trevor’s reaction to Boris Johnson’s farewell speech – “‘Hasta la vista, baby’? This is the land of Shakespeare and Jane Austen, and the quote Boris chose was from The Terminator? I mean I guess that shows you the power of American culture. Even the prime minister of the U.K. was like, ‘Farewell and Godspeed, okrrr.’”

o   Upon hearing the Amazon is buying a healthcare provider, Trevor exclaimed, “Yeah! Finally a win for Jeff Bezos.”

·        Main Story – January 6th hearings

o   This made me laugh – “After all of this, guys, I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to think this Donald Trump guy might be bad news. I’m seeing, like, one or two red flags here.”

o   Great line – “It was obvious to everyone else that the vice president can’t just throw out the election results. That would make no sense. Why would you give so much power to someone who is otherwise totally powerless, huh? It would be like handing over control of America’s drones to whichever kid wins the National Spelling Bee. ‘It’s what the founders wanted.’”

o   But while it was obvious to everyone except Trump, Congress now had to take bipartisan action to amend the Electoral Count Act of 1887 to make it explicit – “It’s a good reminder for America that if an old-ass law doesn’t make sense anymore, you can just change that shit.”

o   Trevor understood people who are frustrate with the Justice Department in light of the January 6th hearings, but he acknowledged why they’re hesitant to prosecute Trump unless it’s airtight – “Can you imagine what would happen if he gets sent to prison? The country would explode. Yeah, you thought January 6 was bad? Huh? Trump supporters would be storming everything if he got arrested: the Capitol, the White House, the Supreme Court. The only place that would be safe from them is libraries. Be like, ‘Don’t go in there, they got history books!’”

o   As the noose tightens, it’s now been reported that part of Trump’s motive for potentially running for president again is that a sitting president can’t be criminally charged while in office – “It’s wild that Donald Trump is the only person who runs for president but has no interest in being president. You know? The first time, he did it to try and drum up ratings for The Apprentice. And now he’s gonna run just to stay out of jail. Like, his campaign slogan’s probably gonna be ‘Trump 2024: I can’t do time!’”

·        Interview – Artist/author Blitz Bazawule

o   Trevor asked Bazawule about what draws him to work in so many mediums (visual art, music, film, and now a novel) – He cited the stories his grandmother told him as a child, saying, “I grew understanding that stories could be nonlinear. They could—they’re powerful tools for the imagination. And so, over time, for me, that’s just been it. It’s just chasing this idea of storytelling. Understanding that stories bring us together. Understanding—especially as a continent. Where stories are so few and far between and so few people know about our stories, I’ve found that having to do it in multiple mediums allows me to tell more of the same exact story.”

o   I liked Bazawule’s response to Trevor’s observation that his book, which is set in the ‘60s, feels like it could very easily take place now – “Whether it’s now, whether it’s then, I think the story is the same—we’re all longing for a home that we hope will be better than the one we’re in.”

o   When Trevor asked how Bazawule is approaching the task of directing the film of the musical adaptation of The Color Purple, Bazawule turned it around on him, praising his iteration of The Daily Show “When I got this job, you were one of the first people I thought about. Which is how do you take something that is classic, how do you take something that people love, and make it your own? And you did that.”

o   Bazawule said that his penchant for moving between mediums and blending influences is born in part from his background, born in Ghana and raised in the U.S. – “It’s all about this double consciousness, where you kind of zigzag through these worlds, where you know that you’re never quite either, because they both become one thing."

 

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