"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, April 17, 2021

New Satire Roundup: April 11th-April 15th

Sunday, April 11

·        Recap of the Week – Prince Philip’s death, Matt Gaetz allegations, U.S. Refugee Admissions Program

o   John pointed out that Prince Phillip and Elizabeth II were actually cousins, “also known as a Giuliani Meet-Cute.”

o   I hadn’t known that Biden has yet to reverse Trump’s racist restrictions and draconian caps on refugee admissions – over 35,000 refugees have gone through the complete vetting process and been approved to come, but many are stuck in limbo under Trump’s rules.

o   John shared the story of one refugee whose flight to the U.S. was canceled while waiting for Biden to reverse Trump’s restrictions – She’s now in her third trimester and can’t travel, and after giving birth, her baby will after to undergo a separate vetting process, “which is weird, because I’m pretty sure you can’t have foreign allegiances before you have object fucking permanence!”

·        And Now This – Yahoo!Answers

o   This was a delightful collection of questions from the soon-to-be-extinct Yahoo!Answers – My favorites included, “Is it true that sweat and pee are like ‘cousins’?” and “STD from dog, is it possible? Help!”

·        Main Story – Long-term care facilities

o   Good description of nursing homes – “The absolute last thing you want Andrew Cuomo handling, tied comfortably with basically everything else.”

o   Before getting into long-term care facilities themselves, John acknowledged the many Americans taking care of their own aging family members at home, whose unpaid caregiving amounts to about $67 billion annually.

o   It was awful to hear about the facility that had 22 residents for every nursing assistant, with one staff member admitting she feels “embarrassed” of her work, because she knows she’s not able to give the residents the care they need.

o   Really interesting/horrifying explanation of the vastly-different treatment residents can receive depending on if they use Medicare or Medicaid – With Medicare, which offers higher reimbursements, residents can be saddled with entirely-unnecessary therapies (such as one dying man who received hours of physical, occupational, and speech therapy while he was spitting blood,) whereas some people reliant on Medicaid have been subjected to callous “resident dumping.”

o   Another horrific fact – while there are 88 facilities on the governments list of “Special Focus Facilities” that receive extra inspections/scrutiny due to a pattern of violations, that’s because limited funds caps the list at 88 and there are actually another 400 facilities that raise the same red flags.

o   And as a final bit of horrible, this is something that really shouldn’t have to be said – “Why would anyone put an assisted-living facilities next to a fucking alligator pond?!?”

·        And Now This – More Yahoo!Answers

o   After that heartbreaking main story, I appreciated getting a few more of these to close out the episodes – My favorites included, “My dad is a goth what do I do?” and, “Why wasn’t I born an octopus?”

 

Monday, April 12

·        Headlines – Prince Philip’s death, Matt Gaetz allegations, blackout at Iranian nuclear site, COVID-19 surge in Michigan, anti-mask protest in Florida

o   I liked Trevor’s opening acknowledgment of Ramadan – “Respect to anyone who can get through a month of fasting in 2021. Right now, the world is so stressful I’ve given up on keeping track of time by days. Now I just go by the number of Oreo sleeves I’ve eaten.”

o   This was a great description of Matt Gaetz’s defiance of the sex trafficking allegations against him – “But like a Karen in a Bath & Bodyworks, he refuses to back down.”

o   Another perfect comment about Gaetz – “I mean, you think you know a guy… and then it turns out, yeah, you’re totally right. You do know him.”

o   I loved the dark joke calling Iran “the last country America needs to get tic-tac-toe,” showing it on a map with X’s over Iraq and Afghanistan.

o   I laughed at this line about potential Israeli sabotage at the Iranian nuclear site – “I mean, we know they have people on the inside, you don’t have to be a genius to figure that out. But now, I’m starting to think that Iran’s entire nuclear program is just Israeli spies.”

o   Good description of Michigan’s COVID surge, “where coronavirus is still as out-of-control as a Zoom kindergarten.”

o   I liked this analogy for why the administration can’t move vaccines from other states to Michigan, because those states might have a surge at some point – “That’s like having a rhino on the loose and animal control says, ‘Sorry, we can’t help you. Because if we come over there, a hippo might pop up over here! We can’t take the risk!’”

·        Main Story – Daunte Wright shooting & policing in America

o   Trevor wasn’t here for Officer Potter’s “she thought her gun was a taser” excuse – “And by the way, don’t you find it amazing that cops think everything is a gun except their own gun? You have a cell phone in your hand. Oh, that’s a gun! You’re holding a wallet. Oh, that’s a gun! Their own gun? No, not a gun, not a gun.”

o   We also looked at the 2nd Lt. Caron Nazario video. I really appreciated Trevor’s abject disgust here – “The whole time, mind you, the whole time, these cops are saying the craziest shit to him. ‘You should be scared!’ ‘Oh, you’re fixing to ride the lightning!’ How the f**k is that professional?”

o   Trevor acknowledged how messed-up it is that Nazario drove into a gas station before pulling over because he knew it was better to be in a well-lit area – “Oh, yeah, the lighting here is great. You’ll be able to see the cops whoop my ass. This is much better.”

o   Truth came down so hard – “But if you’re surprised at a member of the military having his rights abused, then you need to understand the police don’t give a shit. They don’t care if you’re a member of the military. They don’t care if you’re a beloved member of the community. They don’t care if you’re recording them. Shit, they don’t even care if they’re recording themselves! And the reason they don’t care is because they know they’re gonna get away with it. And until that changes, they’re gonna keep not caring.”

·        Correspondent Piece (Dulcé) – Slurs in Scrabble

o   Dulcé’s reaction to the news that offensive slurs are being officially banned from Scrabble – “Hold up, they’re only getting rid of racial slurs now? So words that can get you kicked off of Twitter used to be able to help you win a Scrabble tournament?”

o   When a tournament player Dulcé interviewed admitted he once played the C-word against an elderly woman, she replied, “Now, after that, did she play the word ‘micropenis,’ did that happen?”

o   Although the guy agreed on banning the N-word, he also defended the general use of offensive slurs in game play – “Once you’re a tournament Scrabble player long enough, the definitions of the words almost cease to matter. The words are playing pieces.”

·        Interview – Musician Miguel

o   I liked Miguel’s reaction to the pandemic – “It’s been such a weird Groundhog Day. I really thought I wanted to take a break from touring, and then I felt really responsible when it all happened.”

o   I loved how he described his decision to put out a new EP right now – “There’s a lot of reality that we’re all processing in real time, and we’re seeing how important it is to just be honest. Because I think that’s what gets us to human empathy, honesty, having so much to do with each other.”

o   His explanation of the title, Art Dealer Chic Vol. 4 – “It’s about choose and curating the way that we think and act, the way that we feel, and being at the helm of that as opposed to just sort of being on autopilot.”

o   Trevor also praised Miguel for his mental health advocacy – “I appreciate you being you, because it’s just like, I think it’s inspiring to see people who work at being comfortable being themselves, because I think it inspires everyone to try and do the same thing.”

Tuesday, April 13

·        Headlines – Pause on Johnson & Johnson vaccine, U.K. rolls back COVID restrictions, Japan plans ahead for releasing water from Fukushima nuclear site

o   Trevor acknowledged the reasoning behind the pause on the Johnson & Johnson vaccine, which has seen an extremely-rare risk of blood clots, but he also pointed out the risk of numerous health issues in the event of contracting COVID, including blood clots!

o   This made me smile – “Honestly, if you ask me, I think it’s impressive that Johnson & Johnson even made an effective vaccine with such a low chance of blood clots. I mean, Pfizer and Moderna, those are drug companies. Johnson & Johnson makes baby shampoo! I’m surprised this shit works at all!”

o   Good joke – “I mean, isn’t there anything else Japan can do with that water besides putting it in the ocean? Like, I don’t know, use it to fill water bed mattresses. Anybody who owns one of those is probably gonna die of something weirder than nuclear wastewater anyway, so I mean….”

·        Main Story – Sen. Joe Manchin

o   Trevor was channeling his inner Drax in introing this story about the centric Senate “swing” Democrat – “But who is Joe Manchin, and more importantly, why is Joe Manchin?”

o   I laughed at this bit – “That’s right, Joe Manchin is in the radical middle! He’ll eat extra vanilla ice cream! Woooooo! Now crank up the Ed Sheeran and make a reasonable amount of nooooise!”

o   This was an excellent point on the limitations of America’s two-party system – “I mean, think about it: Joe Manchin is in the same party as AOC. Imagine if other industries worked like this. Like, to have a career in music, you had to either join BTS or the Wu-Tang Clan. I mean, Billie Eilish is like, ‘But I don’t fit into either of those.’ You’ve gotta choose, Billie, you’ve gotta choose!”

o   Trevor wondered why Democrats keep Manchin around when he’s so frequently a stumbling block to their agenda – “Do they love his homemade gazpacho? Is he the only tenor in the Senate barbershop quartet? Or, could he be the only Democrat with the upper-body strength to open a pickle jar?”

·        Interview – Wikipedia CEO Katherine Maher

o   This was a very relatable intro – “Maybe she can teach me how I can look up just one thing [on Wikipedia] without spending the next hour looking up ten more things.”

o   No arguments with Trevor’s observation here – “A few years ago, if you told me a website or source of information is neutral, I’d go like, ‘Yeah, that makes sense.’ 2021, though, nothing is neutral. I mean, you know, a vaccine is not a neutral thing.”

o   Maher addressed that, discussing how articles are vetted and checked – “Verifiability has to come back to facts. Those facts have to be researched. If something’s controversial, it has to be cited in multiple sources.”

o   I liked this comment – “The fact of the matter is that most written knowledge today has been written by white, colonial, European, North American men, and so one of the things that we’re really focused on is how do we think about correcting the record? How do we think about writing people into history? How do we think about writing people into the present who haven’t been represented in the same way?”

·        Interview – Writer/director Travon Free

o   First of all, I loved Free’s “Black Men Are Gentle” hoodie.

o   Free, a former Daily Show writer himself, was on to talk about his Oscar-nominated short film Two Distant Strangers, about a young man trapped in a Groundhog Day of police brutality – In talking about the many scenarios the protagonist tries to break the time loop, he said, “I wanted him to represent, you know, all the different instances we’ve seen of people having done those various things. Change your clothes, pull your pants up, take the jacket off, all the things that we’ve heard before, to prove the point that it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter. Everything looks like a gun to a police officer.”

o   This hit hard, in response to the idea that “but if we just got to know each other” doesn’t solve the crisis – “Trevor, can you think of an instance where you’ve ever seen the police go to a white neighborhood to play with the white kids, to keep from having to shoot them? You just don’t see that.”

o   This comment was heartbreaking but incredibly valid – “Right now, all we have is our hope and resilience as Black people to continue fighting against this particular thing that keeps happening to us. Because the laws don’t change, the politicians don’t change, they all bow to police departments and unions. So what’s left for us? To just wait? To, like, wait our turn? To wait to be the hashtag, to wait to be the name on a sweater?”

Wednesday, April 14

·        Headlines – Biden announces plan to pull out of Afghanistan, Alex Rodriguez is a new owner of the Minnesota Timberwolves, LinkedIn recognizes stay-at-home parents

o   Truth – “Yes, the war in Afghanistan may finally be over. And people, it’s about time! It’s been, what, 19 years? No war should ever be old enough to serve in itself!”

o   Trevor suggested that, if the U.S. doesn’t pull out of Afghanistan, “America should at least make Afghanistan a U.S. state, which is good because it would eliminate Afghanistan’s terrorism problem completely! Because we all know, once terrorists are American, they’re not terrorists anymore. They’re just frustrated citizens who are having a bad day!”

o   Trevor wasn’t upset that the Timberwolves’ MVP didn’t know who Alex Rodriguez was, saying, “There are some things 19-year-olds just don’t know about.” – He then showed pictures of Rodriguez and a pay phone, adding, “I mean, either of these things could be A-Rod. They don’t know!”

o   This was a good line – “Parenting is a job. It’s one of the hardest jobs! It’s also the only job where, if your boss pees on you, you can’t sue them.”

·        Main Story – Policing in America

o   Trevor applauded that Kim Potter has now been charged in the Daunte Wright shooting, but “charging a police officer is like announcing you’re withdrawing from Afghanistan; I’m not gonna hold my breath for results.”

o   Trevor really zeroed in on the mayor of Brooklyn Center’s admission that none of the city’s police officers live there – “Not a single one of his city’s police officers actually lives in the city that they police, which is a huge problem. When a cop is taking you downtown, he shouldn’t how to ask you how to get downtown!”

o   The story tied into the news that Capitol police were warned of the potential for violence several days before the Capitol insurrection but were instructed to “go easy” on the rioters – “If you ask me, this is what happens when police see you as people. They give you the benefit of the doubt. And that’s really what the truth is. America is a country where white people who are coming to storm the Capitol are given the benefit of the doubt, but Black people just going about their lives are treated like they’re about to storm the Capitol.”

o   Not that Trevor was advocating for the police to be equal-opportunity murderers, mind you – “There’s gotta be a happy medium between, ‘He’s driving while Black! Shoot him!’ and, ‘They’re storming the government! Eh, let’s see where this goes. I just wanna see how it turns out.’”

o   I loved this bit, also about the Capitol insurrection – “Congress was recertifying the election. They were actually doing something! Do you know how rare that is? It’s like pandas mating: there can’t be any disturbances or they’ll get spooked, and it won’t happen again for years!”

o   Finally, we looked at a police department restoring the pension of a former officer who was fired 15 years ago for intervening when one of her fellow officers tried to put a suspect in a choke hold – “People always say, ‘Police aren’t a problem, it’s just a few bad apples!’, but in one of the rare incidents where there was a good apple who tried to step up, what happened? The system turned against her and protected the bad apple.”

·        Interview – Former UN senior adviser Elizabeth Nyamayaro

o   Nyamayaro talked about how her upbringing instilled the sense of community in her that she brought to her UN work – “In Africa, we grew up as part of the community and we took care of each other. We shared our food together, we wanted for nothing in my village,” and when they were ravaged by a severe drought, Nyamayaro looked up to the life-saving African UN workers who stepped in to provide aid.

o   She also discussed the importance of ubuntu, saying “It literally means ‘I am because we are.’ It recognizes we are all connected by our shared humanity.”

o   It’s a philosophy she’s also brought to her work on gender inequality in the HeForShe campaign popularized by Emma Watson – “I realized there was such a division in terms of how we look at inequality, right? It was seen as an issue for women led by women, and men were almost kind of not engaged as much as they should.”

·        Interview – Creator/actress Issa Rae

o   I loved Trevor’s comments on Insecure – “You created a show where Black women specifically can occupy all spaces and places within society. You know, there’s no one archetype of what a Black woman is supposed to be. You can be the lawyer, you can be the broke-ass friend, you can be the person who’s focused, the person who’s not focused, you know? There’s something powerful in that.”

o   When Trevor asked why Insecure is ending next season, Rae simply replied, “Because it’s a story, and stories end!” – I respect that, and I’m glad it sounds like she’s bringing her vision for the show to its conclusion.

o   Rae also talked about her new “Life Unseen” initiative with LIFEWTR, showcasing “unseen” artists and creators on their bottles to boost the artists’ visibility.

Thursday, April 15

·        Ray of Sunshine – Canada’s Olympics uniforms, elementary students celebrate their cafeteria worker’s citizenship test, octogenarian gets her Zoom church fashion on, Disney loosens up its employee dress code, group in Australia mistakes former prime minister’s car for their Uber

o   Trevor acknowledged that this was another hard week in America – “Even my meditation app had to unplug to ‘focus on itself.’”

o   Loved this comment on Canada’s Olympics uniforms – “I like a uniform that says, ‘I’m from Canada and they know me by name at Michaels.’”

o   Great bit – “Wow, this lady puts everybody at church to shame! I bet she even sees the statue of Jesus and is like, ‘Huh. Sandals again?’”

o   I liked this description of Australia – “Where toilets flush on the left side of the street.”

o   I laughed at the bit about the former prime minister of Australia secretly working for Uber all along – “Yeah, that’s right, you just got in the wrong car! Of course I’m not your real Uber driver. Things are going very well for me! No worries, mate. None at all.”

·        Fake Commercial – MyVaccine

o   Done in the style of a MyPillow ad, this was Michael offering a “conservative vaccine” that was really just Pfizer/Moderna with different branding in the hopes of attracting the MAGA crowd – “Think of it this way: every MyVaccine that you get is one that a Rachel Maddow viewer doesn’t get.”

o   I laughed at the disclaimer, “Promo code ‘IH8AOC’ does nothing.”

·        Main Story – “The Talk” for Black families

o   Truth – “God damn! Think about how messed up it is that the only way a Black person would be happy about winning a car on The Price is Right is if it came with a white person to drive it for them.”

o   Trevor argued against the “if you don’t want to get pulled over, just follow the rules!” thing, running through a litany of minor “offenses” that can get a Black person pulled over – “And nothing is more suspicious than breaking zero rules in your car! Ooh, cops will pull you over instantly. ‘Sir, I couldn’t help noticing that you were driving perfectly, and that was suspicious, to be honest. Why don’t you go ahead and pop the trunk?’”

o   I felt this – “And look, I know that all parents have to talk to their kids about being safe, but for Black families, it’s specifically about how to stay safe from the police, the people whose job is supposedly to keep them safe!”

o   Trevor was just laying down wisdom all over the place – “What’s even more wild than an 8-year-old having to memorize a script to interact with the police is the fact that a fully-grown, armed, and armored police officer would feel threatened by an 8-year-old girl.”

o   This was a good observation – “You know, when you think about it, Black people have more education around policing than actual police. Like, no cop starts training at 8 years old. I mean, maybe kids play cops and robbers, but that’s actually terrible training. I’ve never seen a cops-and-robbers game that ends in a peaceful arrest. Yeah, it’s just raining ‘pew-pew-pews’ all around the neighborhood!”

·        Interview – Director Skye Fitzgerald

o   Fitzgerald was there to talk about his Oscar-nominated documentary short Hunger Ward, about the devastating effects of the famine going on in Yemen – “100,000 have already died of starvation, and it’s estimated that another 400,000 could die by the end of the year if the status quo doesn’t change. And you know, that’s, every 75 seconds, a child would die.”

o   Fitzgerald laid out the situation plainly – “Nazi Germany used starvation as a tool, as a weapon of war, and that’s exactly what’s happening in Yemen right now. Saudi Arabia is throttling their country, preventing foodstuff from flowing in in a reasonable manner, and it’s killing children.”

o   I liked his philosophy of not “holding back” in his films – “In the media system, we’re far too timid, typically concerned with offending or shocking audiences. And my view is that, if you have the full consent and collaboration of those you’re working with, and it’s truly a collaborative effort, then you really do them a disservice as well as your audience if you turn away, if you flinch, if you cut away.”

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