"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, October 3, 2020

News Satire Roundup: September 27th-October 1st

Sunday, September 27

·        Recap of the Week – Vin Diesel releases a single, Breonna Taylor grand jury decision

o   I appreciated John’s disdain for the former cop Fox News interviewed to put the Breonna Taylor decision “into perspective” – because yes, to him, the cops facing no ramifications and the Taylor family’s settlement coming from the city, not the police department, was “the system working as it should.”

·        Main Story – The Supreme Court

o   It’s no surprise that this was our main story tonight. Really, though, John looked less at the court itself than “how we got here,” a story that focused heavily on America’s less-than-democratic brand of democracy.

o   I’d heard this statistic before but it bears repeating – despite Democratic candidates winning the popular vote in 4 of the last 5 presidential elections, Republican presidents served 3 of those 5 terms due to the Electoral College.

o   What I hadn’t heard was that, with the way representation in Congress is disproportionately divvied out, a Black person has about 75% of the congressional representation as a white person, with Hispanics having only about 55% - I appreciated the dark irony of, “Hey, at least they count about 3/5 this time!”

o   I was surprised to learn that Nixon was in favor of getting rid of the Electoral College, but as John said, it makes sense – “If there’s one thing we know Nixon was not a fan of, it’s leaving elections up to chance!”

·        And Now This – No Peeps this Halloween/Christmas

·        Finally – The 2020 Census

o   John pointed out that everyone should fill out the census, just like everyone should floss – only, failing to do so in this case means that “instead of getting gingivitis, you get underrepresented in Congress.”

Monday, September 28

·        Headlines – Amy Coney Barrett’s Supreme Court nomination, Florida’s governor ends coronavirus restrictions

o   After running through a list of things Barrett could bring about on the Supreme Court against the majority of America’s wishes (overturning Roe v. Wade, loosening gun restrictions, ending the Affordable Care Act), Trevor commented, “I guess this is what the Founders always wanted, a branch of government that would act like an evil stepparent to the rest of the country.”

o   With “The Notorious ACB” T-shirts now being sold, Trevor argued that, since “Amy Coney Barrett is the exact opposite of RBG,” her shirts should be Tupac-themed – I laughed out loud at “Thug Pro-Life.”

·        Election News – The Rock endorses Joe Biden, Trump claims Biden should take a “drug test” before the debates

o   Trevor reminded us that, with the election fast approaching, there’s not much time left for liberals to learn how to use a gun – “Those NPR subscriptions ain’t gonna help you when there’s a civil war!”

o   Trump’s claim that Biden took “performance-enhancing drugs” for the primary debates is ridiculous, but as Trevor pointed out, “If there was a performance-enhancing drug that makes someone better at being the president, I want the president taking that drug! Wouldn’t you?”

·        Main Story – Trump’s tax returns

o   Trevor’s anger at the pittance Trump paid in federal income taxes (when he paid them at all) was very satisfying – “Trump comes out and is all, ‘We’re building back our military.’ No, mother***er, we’re building back the military! You didn’t pay for shit!”

o   Trevor noted that “this tax story is the Rosetta Stone that helps us figure everything out” about Trump’s actions – I especially liked, “It even explains why Trump has been trying to destroy the post office. Good luck collecting your money when you can’t mail him the bill!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Roy) – The fight to reenfranchise Floridians with felony convictions

o   I noted that the referendum on reenfranchisement that passed in Florida during the midterms won over 60% of the vote, highlighting how the legislature’s attempt to block that with what’s essentially a poll tax is, again, government acting against the express will of the people.

o   In the piece, Roy had to reckon with the fact that some people who’ve regained their right to vote thanks to the hard work of activists will then vote against their own interests – “Thank God you can vote for a Republican in spite of Republicans trying to block you from voting for a Republican.”

·        Interview – Anthropologist Jane Goodall

o   I really enjoyed this interview. Trevor obviously had a lot of respect for Dr. Goodall, and she seemed very appreciative of the chance to be there.

o   This rang so true to me – “I feel that what we’re doing to destroy the planet is because we can do it.”

o   Great philosophy – “Every day we live, we make some impact on the planet, and we get to choose what sort of impact we make.” I particularly liked how she acknowledged that people living in poverty aren’t able to make those same choices, so the onus is even more on people who can afford to do so.

Tuesday, September 29

·        Main Story – Mail-in voting

o   As Trevor described the unforced errors that have occurred so far during this election season, I sympathized with this statement – “The more I learn about American democracy, the more I think to myself, you guys are invading other countries to give them this?!”

o   The subject he was discussing was depressing, but I did laugh at, “Man, imagine that: your vote doesn’t count ‘cause the government messed up your ballot. That’s why you have to vote for a better government, but you can’t ‘cause they messed up your ballot! It’s the perfect crime!”

o   The correspondents made a Do’s and Don’t’s video of mail-in voting tips – I liked Dulcé’s advice to take a selfie as you mail your ballot “because we all know humble-bragging on social media is basically the whole point of voting.”

·        If You Don’t Know, Now You Know – West coast wildfires

o   One news clip of a man talking about climate change was unnerving, calling California “America fast-forward” and “a postcard from the future.”

o   While climate change was behind a lot of the major reasons for worsening fires in recent years, a reduction in controlled burns was also a factor – Trevor described the method as “the same way you meet your college friend for coffee so you don’t have to have a three-hour dinner with him.”

·        Correspondent Piece (Ronny) – Presidential debate prep

o   Ronny interviewed the guy who “played” Trump during Hillary Clinton’s 2016 debate prep – Ronny side-eyed the guy’s “method” acting (“You’re like a 99-cent story Daniel Day-Lewis!”), but he did anticipate and help Clinton prepare for some of Trump’s debate-night stunts, like the way Trump creeped behind her onstage.

o   The Trump stand-in said that Trump was a dangerous debate opponent during both elections but for different reasons – while he had “nothing to lose” in 2016, he’s like “a wounded animal” now.

·        Interview – Ballerina Misty Copeland

o   Copeland talked about making space for herself in the ballet world, translating the implied messages about her race when people tell her she “[doesn’t] have the right body type” – Trevor compared her situation with the Williams sisters when they were first gaining attention in tennis.

o   Copeland has faced quite a balancing act, as she’s had to “navigate in a way that’s palatable for white people in the ballet world but in a way that’s honest and helps people to really understand the underlying narrative that’s been a part of the ballet culture and community from the beginning of time.”

Wednesday, September 30

·        Main Story – The first presidential debate

o   The first major point here, unsurprisingly, was how chaotic the whole thing was – “These guys were bickering so much, Canada called the cops to complain about the noise.”

o   Trevor highlighted Chris Wallace’s attempt to use the “do you want to switch seats?” tactic to try and get Trump to behave – he was glad Trump didn’t take him up on it “because if Trump has to take over Wallace’s job, then Wallace has to take over Trump’s job and I don’t know if he has it in him to kill 200,000 people.”

o   No surprise what the other big takeaway of the night was, either – as Trevor said, “no president should ever have to be pressured this hard into condemning white supremacists.”

o   But of course, despite the pressure, Trump didn’t even do that much – I loved Trevor’s impression of the Fox News pondering the “mystery” of why he didn’t, speculating that he didn’t hear the question or he might have misspoken. “I can’t think of any other explanation, Watson!”

·        Sketch – “Earpieces” at the debate

o   This was the “secret footage” of both candidates being coached at the debate. Desi was in Biden’s ear, advising him on when to take a nap in the middle and trying to get him to bring up Herman Cain in reference to Trump’s rallies and COVID-19.

o   Ronny was a good pick for Trump’s earpiece, given how often his comedy persona resembles Anger from Inside Out – I especially liked him urging Trump to bring up Hillary Clinton and then exclaiming, “That’s right! That’ll teach her to run for president four years ago!”

·        Interview – Rev. Al Sharpton

o   Trevor set up the central “crossroads” facing America in Sharpton’s new book – “Either America keeps being a progressive country that moves to make people’s lives better and tries to better itself, or it goes back to a time when all that mattered was the color of your skin and how much money you had.”

o   In looking at the backlash the country saw after Obama’s election and the way it helped pave the way for Trump, I liked Sharpton’s comparison to the end of Reconstruction and the sharp reversals we saw then.

·        Interview – Actor John Cena

o   Cena and Trevor started the interview reminiscing about the last time they saw each other in person and ended it looking forward to the day they’ll see each other again – Trevor promising, “I’m gonna hug the shit out of you,” was adorable (when it’s safe, of course!)

o   I appreciated Cena’s approach to life during COVID, saying, “The way that I go about life hasn’t changed, but the rules of life have changed” – I’m all about people finding creative ways to adapt in the midst of the pandemic, and it sounds like that’s what he’s been doing.

o   Cena talked a lot about his philosophy of “earning the day” – Trevor discussed it in reference to his many projects/ventures, but I liked that Cena clarified that sometimes, it also means recognizing when he needs to rest and take care of himself.

Thursday, October 1

·        Headlines – Ireland Supreme Court declares that Subway’s bread can’t be called bread, swearing parrots at a zoo, an auction of Obama memorabilia, pandemic news, and changes to presidential debate rules

o   I laughed at Trevor’s impression of Subway executives embracing the Ireland Supreme Court ruling – “Yep! Our bread is too sweet – that’s the scandal you should think about when you think about Subway! Make it the top search result for ‘Subway scandal.’ Sweet bread! That’s our thing!”

o   Trevor pointed out that, while we can understand parrots when they swear, all zoo animals are swearing all the time about being in “jail” – “Every time you hear a lion roar, it’s going, ‘I want my f***ing lawyer! It’s not murder, it’s the circle of life!’”

o   After the news that people with Neanderthal genes are at greater risk of COVID-19 complications, Trevor imagined people wondering how they inherited those genes – “‘How could you, Nana?’ ‘It was a different time back then. He had fire and I was cold!’”

o   Trevor’s take on the new debate rules – “If you ask me, they should leave his mic on the same way they shouldn’t ban his Twitter account, because I don’t want anyone making Donald Trump seem more sane than he is. Let America see who Donald Trump is!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Ronny) – COVID-19 “protection” suit

o   I laughed at, “I wanted to talk to the genius scientist who invented this suit. And yes, he’s also a DJ and EDM producer who would only talk to him if I dressed cool.”

o   The suit was made for what Ronny described as “PPE for Coachella,” but unsurprisingly, an epidemiologist he interviewed pointed out that there’s no proof of its effectiveness, saying, “This is a great example of people trying to be innovative to go do unsafe things.”

·        Interview – Recording artist Mariah Carey

o   Carey was there to talk about her new memoir. I liked what she said about also putting together the audiobook version of it – since she talks about a number of songs in the book (the processes of writing/recording them, the experiences that inspired them,) lyrics and melodies from those songs were incorporated into the audiobook.

o   Trevor brought up some of the stories she shares about racist abuse she experienced as a child, growing up mixed in a white neighborhood, and Carey talked about how she highlighted her ancestors and included stories and pictures that really show the diversity of where she came from.

No comments:

Post a Comment