"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, August 17, 2019

News Satire Roundup: August 11th-August 14th


Sunday, August 11 – This week’s episode dove into the opioid crisis, more specifically fentanyl. Hasan covered numerous aspects of the drug on both its illegal and legal sides. The footage of reporters easily getting black market fentanyl shipped to them from China was wild, and I agree with Hasan that it’s obscene to see the very drug companies that pushed fentanyl on patients and got them addicted are now saving themselves from bankruptcy by selling naloxone. The graph showing the different “waves” of ODs in the opioid crisis was really eye-opening (and I loved Hasan likening it to the wealth of Destiny’s Child, with the sky-rocketing fentanyl line standing in for Beyoncé.) Also, as Hasan pointed out, if your business operates in such a way that hearing someone has terminal cancer is “a slamdunk” for you, your company is most definitely not doing anything good.


Sunday, August 11 – After looking at Trump’s lamentable attempt at imitating human empathy (i.e. bragging about the crowd size at his rallies while ostensibly comforting mass shooting victims in El Paso,) John turned to the possibility of forward progress on gun control, examining the current chaos within the NRA as a potential way in. The main story was on Turkish president Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov. Like The Daily Show last week, John marveled at the bizarre “see how definitely not-dead he is??” propaganda videos, but the story looked at how bizarre he is in general, from his borderline-indecent obsession with horses (he owns 10% of the Akhal-Tekes in the world!) and his penchant for holding weirdly-specific Guiness World Records. Loved the ending, whereby John tried to stick it to Berdimuhamedov with a world record of his own, although it’s absurd that Guiness wouldn’t certify it because of how “kid- and family-oriented” they are (despite, as John pointed out, regularly certifying world records for autocratic regimes.)

Monday, August 12 – First was Simone Biles’s gymnastics badassery (I loved Trevor’s admission that he has no idea what anything is in gymnastics,) followed by continued protests in Hong Kong and a young man who went to Walmart in body armor and carrying an assault rifle to “test his 2nd Amendment rights” (what even….) Big story on Jeffrey Epstein’s death. Trevor went over the negligence/substandards that made room for his apparent suicide – wild that prisons are so understaffed, guards sometimes ask prisoners to watch each other. Next, we had Democratic candidates at the Iowa State Fair. I enjoyed the bit about vegan Cory Booker vs. fair food, and yeesh, Joe Biden’s gaffes were intense, especially when he accidentally compared “poor kids” and “white kids.” Rep. Ayanna Pressley was the guest. After sharing Mitch McConnell’s number and urging voters to call him, she talked steps to combat gun violence.

Tuesday, August 13 – Opening blurbs on the administration declawing the Endangered Species Act (loved the line about animals going on Shark Tank to prove why it’d be “cost-effective” to save them,) Chris Cuomo freaking out over being called “Fredo” (the way Trevor says “stereotype” makes me smile,) and a couple discovering a Confederate Flag and framed KKK application at a house showing (great point that people don’t hang stuff they don’t love on their walls, using a hypothetical “Hurricane Katrina poster” for comparison.) Good story on Tucker Carlson’s convenient vacation after calling white supremacy a “hoax.” I loved Trevor’s response to Carlson harping on the proportionally-small number of white supremacists in the U.S. “A football stadium is too many white supremacists! A golf cart is too many white supremacists!” Enjoyable interview with Afro-fusion musician Burna Boy, and I like the medley he performed.

Wednesday, August 14 – I don’t even get the point of Steve King staunchly championing(?) rape and incest as essential to human existence. What even is that? But I loved the crack about his surprising 23 & Me results. We also got opening bits on a spoiled Indian teen pushing his new BMW in the river (great reversal of the old “there are starving children in India” line) and CBS’s merger with Viacom, featuring pitches for various CBS/Comedy Central crossovers. The show framed Trump’s new immigration policy on the premise that all of his policies are really just a plot to deport Melania. I loved, “Okay, so that press conference never happened, but hey! It’s only been three years!” Two guests, the first being Bill de Blasio (man, a lot of presidential candidates have been on the show this year,) talking about why he thinks he can beat Trump. Next was Jada Pinkett Smith, talking about being a badass onscreen and in real life.

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