"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Relationship Spotlight: Stef Foster & Lena Adams (The Fosters)

It’s not too often that you find a teen drama that genuinely treats its adult characters as people, but The Fosters really delivers with Stef and Lena.  Though, like the others, their plots can sometimes be dragged down by melodrama, the matriarchs manage their brood with loving support, and the relationship between the two frequently serves as the heart of the show.

Stef and Lena are a fine example of an odd couple that just works.  They’re very different people, and when they have conflicts, those differences can fuel it, but a lot of the time, each complements the other with their individual strengths.  Police officer Stef is a fiercely protective mama bear with deep emotions she often has trouble expressing, and Lena, assistant principal at the kids’ school, is a caring nurturer whose eagerness to keep everyone happy means she sometimes presses down her own pain, annoyance, or concern.  Both are flawed women, but when they work as a team, their separate qualities go well together and usually get the job done.

Despite their big, busy family and the seemingly endless stream of high drama that follows them, I love the moments that show them making time for each other.  This is a relationship that really thrives on the small scenes.  As they commiserate about their hectic days over a glass of wine, snuggle in bed together, or flirt playfully between household tasks, their easy, comfortable chemistry jumps off the screen.  They don’t get as many of the big fireworks moments that a lot of their kids do in their various romances, but that’s fine.  They exude the warmth of a couple that’s been together for more than ten years, and though well-aged love isn’t expressed as flashily or ardently as a younger relationship, it’s all the deeper for its longevity.

I hate when Lena and Stef fight by not talking to each other, which sometimes happens.  Although, given their personalities, it’s understandable, they’re so great when they do talk through things, and in agreement or opposition, I vastly prefer them being open about it.  If nothing else, whenever they discuss an issue like rational adults who love each other but are mad, I’m reminded of how rarely you see that on TV (especially on a teen show.)  Instead, it seems characters are much more likely to just yell in one another’s general direction without listening to what the other has to say, and that gets tiring.  Refreshingly, Stef and Lena are often allowed to have actual conversations when one or both is upset, which I love.  And the show has offered up some really interesting things for them to talk about.  Lena’s feelings about being the only member of the family with no biological connection to anyone else, Stef’s struggles with internalized homophobia, their differing approaches to the kids (especially when Brandon’s dad is added into the mix,) difficulties in finding time for intimacy – the list goes on and on.

Plus, I like that their queerness is folded organically into their relationship.  It’s not a Big Thing!, and it doesn’t have to come up constantly, but there are nicely-incorporated little references that are unique to a same-sex couple.  They’re well-aware that some doubt the legitimacy of their right to raise their own children, a repairman in their house asks if they’re sisters (I guess he gets points for not assuming that women of different races couldn’t be related, but still,) and in the midst of an argument, Lena calls Stef out on her heteronormative thinking.  She actually says the words “heteronormative thinking,” which surprised/pleased me as much as hearing the term “neurotypicals” on an episode of Community.  In this way, their orientation feels real, written by people who really know what that means and trust the audience to keep up.  Gotta love that!

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