Sunday, March 7
· Recap of the Week – States roll back COVID restrictions, Senate hearing on the Capitol insurrection, conservative media decries the “cancellation” of Dr. Seuss
o Perfect response to Texas’s governor ending his state’s mask mandate – “Well, that’s fucking stupid.”
o John very rightly pointed out that none of the handwringing on Fox News over Dr. Seuss includes showing the racist images in the discontinued books – By contrast, John did show them and asked, “Are these really things we want our children to see?”
o John was perplexed at Tucker Carlson’s insistence that what liberals really hate about Dr. Seuss was the message of “mid-century American color-blindness” found in books like The Sneetches, given that mid-century America was, you know, segregated.
o But of course, given that this Dr. Seuss teeth-gnashing was going on at the same time that the Senate was holding hearings on the Capitol insurrection, this was another instance of Fox News doing what it does best – “Distracting from pressing issues with bullshit culture wars.”
· And Now This – Neil Cavuto references Adele
o A lot of the clips in this montage seemed to be Cavuto holding up Adele to denigrate other female recording artists, such as, “These kind of crises never happened with Adele.”
o The bit at the end, a supercut of him awkwardly singing the word “Hello,” made me smile.
· Main Story – Unemployment
o Right off the bat, John emphasized that giving unemployed people benefits is a good thing – “When you give the unemployed money, they tend not to hoard it in the Caymans. They spend it on shit they need.”
o John was horrified at the “pop-up unemployment office” that opened in one state (to enormous, desperate crowds) near the start of the pandemic – He likened the term itself to such harrowing phrases as “emergency crematorium” and “elephant forceps.”
o We looked at how each state, D.C., Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands all have their own unemployment systems, resulting in disparities like the maximum benefits per week ranging from $1,234 in Massachusetts to $275 in Florida – John recommended Googling, “If I lose my job, will this state let me starve?” before deciding to move out of state.
o So, so true – “It seems like, in the U.S., you can point to basically anything and ask, “How is that racist?” and get a specific historical example.”
o Great response to “sentient plantation wedding” Laura Ingraham’s argument against unemployment benefits, claiming that poverty-induced hunger is just a great incentive to work harder to find a new job – “There’s a reason famines aren’t generally referred as ‘a lack of can-do attitude.’”
o John hit the nail on the head when looking at Florida’s outdated, cumbersome, labyrinthine system – “While you can argue that this is just incompetence, you can also argue that it was completely deliberate.”
· And Now This – Rachael Ray’s baking issues
o Wherein Rachael Ray told various guests on her show (including Cookie Monster!) about how her sister, not her, is “the baker in the family.”
Tuesday, March 10 – Remotely Educational Special
· This was a mildly-amusing special featuring the correspondents putting together “remote learning” content for “kids,” the hook being that they were teaching the kids what they really need to know about living in the adult world. It wasn’t all that funny or insightful, but more than a year into the pandemic, I appreciate how millennial-bleak they went with it.
· Trevor’s intro encouraged kids that it was okay to feel discouraged by remote learning – “Heck, it’s hard for adults! A lot of them tried to learn things online, and the next thing you know, they’re storming the Capitol!”
o I wasn’t really a fan of this piece, but I did laugh at this disclaimer at the start – “So I’m gonna tell you who hates who around the globe, but I’m not gonna get into why, ‘cause I know I’m gonna get one little thing wrong, and then most of them gonna be mad at me, and I don’t want Kyrgyzstan in my mentions.”
· Spanish (Dulcé)
o The “helpful phrase” we learned for Dulcé not only taught us how to order Chipotle in Spanish, it also included the note that we wouldn’t understand the response.
o Desi’s real-world math class looked at the housing market – “Just a quick thing: I’m paid on commission, so it’s really important to me that you buy this house but not really important to me that you can afford it.”
· How Business Works
o An old-fashioned video montage with old-timey-radio-voice narration. I liked the list of what the corporations will buy with their savings after outsourcing their labor – “Yachts, artwork, narcotics, politicians, and memberships in sadistic sex cults.”
o Ronny’s nature-based science class looked at the pests most likely to infest your home. Re: fruit flies – “They’re like most Brooklyn hipsters: very picky eaters and they have zero upper-body strength.”
o When Ronny pivoted to mice, he clarified that not all rodents are “freeloaders” – “Just look at squirrels! They’re like small business owners! Hustling, out there renting storage lockers for their nuts.”
o This was a truth – “It’s also time for sex ed, which is taught by gym teachers for some reason.”
o Lewis delivered hard truths to little kids about their dreams – He told a boy who wanted to be president, “You’re gonna have to wait until you’re 35, and this country’s not gonna be around that long!”
· NCT 127
o This was a fun little PSA from members of a South Korean boy band – learn to read, kids, so you can read the subtitles on our videos!
o In which Jordan gets schooled by a gruff puppet on cryptocurrency, meh – I did smile at, “Ooh, blockchain! Like Legos!”
· Mandarin (Ronny)
o Ronny’s “helpful Mandarin phrase” was a pitch for why he should be allowed to move to China – “My skills include Microsoft Office and knowing most of the white man’s secrets.”
· How Government Works (Dulcé)
o Dulcé’s description of taxes – “You know how the mafia collects protection money? This is sorta like the same thing. You see, whatever you make, the government wants a taste, and the IRS are the guys who come to get it.”
o This was a very cheerfully-delivered burn – “There’s also the CIA. They’re the ones selling drugs in your community!”
· How to Be a Journalist
o Another narrated montage. I laughed at this voiceover – “Journalism is an incredibly important profession, according to most journalists.”
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