Sunday, March 21
· Recap of the Week – Atlanta mass shooting
o Before the Atlanta story got underway, I loved this week’s description of the blank void, which John likened to Prince Phillip “in that it’s white, doesn’t do anything, and I thought for sure it’d be gone by now.”
o I appreciated John’s disdain for the Atlanta shooter insisting that murdering six Asian women had nothing to do with their race – “Hey, I might be a mass murderer, but careful about calling me a racist! Words hurt, buddy!”
o While John applauded Joe Biden speaking out against anti-Asian hatred, he had a very apt response to Biden’s statement that such hatred and discrimination was “un-American” – “I would love to visit the nation that exists in Joe Biden’s head.”
o John took on the “where are you really from?” microaggression, arguing that, even if someone’s torso opens up to reveal a little green alien inside, it’s still a dicey question – “My parents are from Rigel 7, but I was born in Cincinnati, you dick!”
o Depressingly true – “People will bend over backwards to call racism anything other than what it is, and that, unfortunately, is very fucking American.”
· And Now This – Local news anchors on St. Patrick’s Day
o The show does an And Now This on this theme every year, and this time around, it noted that not even a pandemic puts a damper on local news anchors’ faux-Irish spirit – “I have no idea what I said, but I watched a lot of Lucky Charms commercials.”
· Main Story – Plastics
o To introduce this story on plastic waste, we were treated to a montage of “everyday” plastic products, including a “strap-on thigh dildo” – “Just imagine a world before plastics, in which your femur-penis would have to be made of wood or, if you’re wealthy enough, maybe ivory.”
o Wild statistic – Half of all plastic has been produce since 2005.
o We covered the massively floating garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean, with plastic that gets broken down and gets into the things that eventually become our food and drink – another staggering statistic was the fact that the average person ingests roughly “a credit card’s worth of plastic” a week.
o This wasn’t the first time I’d heard that the famous “crying Indian” recycling ad was actually funded by plastics manufacturers, pushing the narrative that “it’s up to you, the consumer, to stop pollution” – Because, if it’s our problem, the corporations have no impetus to change their practices.
o A major component of this story was how few plastics are actually recycled, and more crucially, how few of them are recyclable at all – “Lies go down easier when you want them to be true.”
o Great summation of the smell of burning plastic – “My nose seems to be dying, and it’s taking my brain down with it.”
Monday, March 22
· Headlines – Spring break, Biden stumbles on Air Force One steps, the royal family seeks to appoint “diversity czar”
o I loved Trevor’s reaction to a shirtless spring-breaker in Joker makeup standing on top of a car waving a flag and shouting “COVID is over!” – “Oh wow, the new Snyder Cut is weird as hell.”
o Trevor didn’t think there was any reason spring break couldn’t be fun and safe – “Just think about how sexy a wet mask content could be. I mean, we haven’t seen mouths in a year. What’s under there?”
o This made me laugh – “Clearly, the royal family could use some help from a diversity czar. They can teach the queen why it was wrong for the one Black Spice Girl to be called ‘Scary.’”
o Michael did a new as the royal family’s new diversity czar, and Trevor quickly realized that Michael’s ideas amounted to colonization – “Britain’s partners give Britain their diversity, and also their raw materials, and in return, Britain will teach them cricket, the world’s most exciting sport!”
· Main Story – Gender disparities in the NCAA
o Very apt description of the maddeningly-insufficient “weight room” for the women’s basketball players – “That’s not a weight room! That’s just the rack of weights you buy at the beginning of quarantine and then never use.”
o I liked Trevor’s reaction to the lame swagbags for the women, compared to the men’s – “A puzzle?! Yo, that is a trash gift. And what’s even worse is, when you complete it, it shows a picture of the men’s team enjoying a free steak dinner!”
o Absurd that female coaches who were breastfeeding had to count their baby as a person in their bubble, meaning that, if they brought their baby to the tournament, the baby would take a space that would otherwise be occupied by an additional trainer. Ridiculous.
· Interview – First Lady Michelle Obama
o Obama did not come to play. Right out of the gate, she delivered this perfect subtweet describing her family’s experience in the White House – “All the things we thought were important, things like thinking about what you say before you say it, telling the truth, getting your facts rights, all of this! We worried for no reason! We could’ve done it so differently.”
o Interesting note that the Obamas have been handling quarantine well, since life as the First Family already gave them plenty of experience in not just being able to do what they wanted whenever they wanted, and they had to consider the logistics and impact of all their movements.
o The conservation moved toward Obama’s efforts to promote healthy eating, discussing Waffles + Mochi, a new kids’ show she’s put her name behind, and Pass the Love, a campaign to get nutritious meal kits to families in food deserts.
o It was really interesting to hear Trevor talk about when he first came to America and gained quite a bit of weight despite not changing his eating habits – Obama highlighted that point, saying, “There are millions of people in this country that are going hungry, even as they sit in communities with food all around them, right? But it’s the type of food.”
o Another interesting anecdote from Trevor – “The reason I grew up loving vegetables is because we didn’t always have a lot of food, and I realized very, very young that if I could learn to love the things that nobody else wanted, then I would always have more food.”
o A really good insight from Obama – Recognizing situations like lack of access to affordable healthy food or lack of time to prepare nutritious meals, she said, “The key is not to shame people, not to blame folks, and that’s where it gets personal, because people do feel judged and criticized for doing the best that they can.”
o I “awwed” at the end of the interview when Obama told Trevor, “Congratulations on all your good stuff! I’m very proud of you!”
Tuesday, March 23
· Ray of Sunshine – Teen makes bowties for shelter animals, doctor writes a patient a prescription for a hug from her granddaughter after vaccination, DoorDash will deliver at-home COVID tests, Evanston, IL, approves reparations for housing discrimination, Colombian zoo offers live music for animals
o I loved the bit about a dog wearing a bowtie because it joined the Nation of Islam – “Oh, what a surprise! The white devil wants me to speak on command!”
o Good burn amid the sweet story about the hug prescription – “Now yes, it is true that the doctor was out-of-network, so that hug will cost $80,000….”
o Trevor noted that Uber is also getting in the COVID-testing business – “If you get into the car and you can smell weed, you just tested negative, my friend. Congrats!”
o This was an important point – “Basically, what I’m saying is, it’s not real reparations unless you give the descendants of slavery actual money and let them choose how they want to spend it. As if they’re adults! Ooh!”
o In the zoo story, I loved the joke about the zebras being afraid of the pianist because they think the piano was made from one of them, along with Trevor’s little aside justifying the accent he used for the bit – “Just because you kidnap the zebras from Africa and keep them in Colombia doesn’t mean they’re not African anymore.”
· Correspondent Piece (Desi) – Depiction of female orgasms in movies
o Hollywood portrayals of female orgamisms, Desi explained, are “something that’s changed more than the batteries in your vibrator.”
o This was a good line, talking about the Hayes Code – “Even married couples had to be shown in separate beds, or as it’s now called, the Reverse Chocolate Factory.”
o I liked this comment on the famous When Harry Met Sally scene – “It also started a conversation about the performative nature of the female orgasm. Women face far too much pressure to satisfy their partner’s ego instead of themselves.”
o This line, about Bridgerton being a costume drama that “takes care of its little women,” made me laugh out loud – “She’s a Beth in the streets but a Jo in the sheets.”
· Interview – Comedian Eric Andre
o Andre was there to talk about Bad Trip, his new hidden-camera prank movie, but he opened with an anecdote from filming his hidden-camera prank series, in which he pranked Alex Jones at the RNC and Jones evidently thought he was Trevor.
o Andre also made Trevor laugh by explaining just how much his mom and sister adore Trevor – “You could get into a very weird porno if you wanted to at the Andre residence. Just putting it out there, offer is on the table.”
o Trevor couldn’t figure out how people could be pranked in such embarrassing ways and then sign releases to appear in the film – Andre replied, “You know what’s funny? The people that are the angriest when you prank them are usually the most relieved to find out it’s a prank and have the best sense of humor.”
Wednesday, March 24
· Headlines – Cargo ship blocks the Suez Canal, conservative media drags Harris for not returning a salute, Utah governor moves to block porn on smart devices
o This made me smile – “I feel so bad for the captain of that ship that got stuck in the canal, ‘cause like, we’ve all been there! Trying to make a U-turn on a narrow street, but now try and imagine how much more stressful it’d be when you know that if you back up wrong, you might bump Egypt!”
o Good point about how low-tech mishaps can still disrupt our high-tech world – “I mean, think about it. Right now, we can use our wireless computer phones to buy a hologram with cryptocurrency. But at the same time? Big boat got stuck, water too small.”
o In the Kamala Harris story, I appreciated that Trevor prefaced it with the fact that this was what Fox News and Newsmax were covering instead of Congress’s debate over gun violence.
o Trevor’s good at playing the reactionary fearmongerer – “What if, what if Cuban invaded America and the Marines couldn’t fight back because they were still waiting for Kamala to return the salute?”
o Easy but fun joke on Utah’s potential porn-blocking measure – “By the way, I love that Utah wants five other states to join them. So even Utah’s laws are polygamists!”
· Main Story – Violence against women
o Around the world, six women are killed by men every hour.
o I really appreciated this point, re: women texting that they’re home safe or arming themselves to go out – “The truth is, even if women know they will get home safely most times, they never know which is the time that they won’t.”
o I loved this part – “This is why so many women wear headphones when they’re walking down the street. You think they’re all listening to your podcast? No! Half of them are just pretending to listen to something, so when a man catcalls them, they can act like they didn’t hear it. And the other half would never listen to your podcast anyway.”
o I felt this reaction, in response to a montage of women describing the safety measures they take – “Goddamn! It’s safer in the middle of the road?! Yo, how bad do men have to be for women to be like, ‘Uh, I’ll take my chances with an 18-wheeler. At least it won’t tell me to smile!’”
o Fantastic bit – “They got tasers, they got mini mace-sprays on their key chains. What do men have on their key chains, huh? Bottle openers. And that should tell you everything you need to know: women don’t know when they’re gonna be attacked, and men don’t know when they’re gonna be surprised by a tailgate! ‘You gotta be careful, bro, there’s brewskies around, like, every corner!”
o I liked that Trevor addressed men about their own behavior, noting that a man might know his intentions are innocent but a woman has no way of knowing that – “Like, you might think you’re innocently complimenting a stranger’s outfit in a parking lot, but unless you’re Christian Siriano, she doesn’t need to hear that from you!”
o I loved Trevor’s suggestion that men also check in with each other – “Hey man, did you make it home safely, without harassing any women? All right, great, good to know. Love you – I mean, go Packers!”
· Correspondent Piece (Dulcé) – Female activist athletes
o Decades before Colin Kaepernick, Olympic athlete Eroseanna Robinson refused to stand for the national anthem – Dulcé said, “Her activism was another example of Black women in the 1950s perfecting the art of sitting when and where they weren’t supposed to,” citing Rosa Parks and lunch counter sit-ins. She added, “Basically, we were experts at using our behinds to say, ‘F**k you,’ to the system.”
o For a much more modern example, Olympic athlete Allyson Felix spoke out against Nike when they reduced her endorsement deal by 70% after she got pregnant – “They should’ve given her 100% more! She’s literally growing another sprinter.”
· Interview – Actress Nomzamo Mbatha
o Mbatha’s response when Trevor greeted her and asked how she was doing – “It feels good! It feels good to have someone pronounce my name and surname very correctly.”
o Mbatha regaled Trevor with the tale of the ludicrous bureaucratic process she had to go through to be able to work in the States for Coming 2 America – “Let me tell you, I really genuinely deserve this movie, because I worked pretty hard for it.”
o Trevor compared his own visa stories, with one immigration official warning him that his O-1 meant he was “the best of the best” and that he must be “the Michael Jordan of comedy” – “Hey man, if I see your jokes and you’re not funny, you’re going back to your country, you hear me?”
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