Sunday, March 14
· Headlines – Prince Harry/Meghan Markle interview, Gov. Cuomo responds to sexual harassment allegations, Congress passes American Rescue Plan
o I loved John dragging Nigel Farage’s claim that “nobody in the world has done more for people of color that the British royal family” – He argued that “to,” “through,” or “above” would all make more fitting prepositions in that sentence.
o Excellent answer to GOP senators who voted against the COVID relief bill and then bragged about its passage on social media – “You don’t get credit for something everyone knows you didn’t want to happen.”
· And Now This – 100-year-old women on local news
o Fun montage of women being interviewed on their 100 birthdays. I especially liked the woman who was asked, “Are you excited for your party?” – “Not one bit.”
· Main Story – Tucker Carlson
o As much as John didn’t want to give Carlson more attention that Carlson obviously wants, he explained why Carlson is too dangerous to ignore – “He is the most prominent vessel in America for white supremacist talking points.”
o I loved the depiction of Carlson’s frequently-incredulous facial expression as “making the befuddled face of a 13th-century farmer learning about Bitcoin.”
o John broke down Carlson’s go-to method of willfully refusing to understand or acknowledge that there that white supremacy isn’t limited to “cross burnings, Klan hoods, and a name tag that says, ‘Hello, my name is A Racist.’”
o Awesome summary of how Carlson began his TV career, which involved being told, “Everyone else is at lunch, can you do it?” – “That has to be the single whitest origin story I’ve ever heard.”
o As always, John had terrified epithets for Carlson – I especially liked “you relentlessly-indignant picket fence” and the “humble TV-dinner princeling [who] somehow represents” the working class.
o Great breakdown in the differences between how Carlson described the Capitol insurrection vs. Black Lives Matter protests – “In both clips, his clear takeaway is that white people should be terrified of any situation where they aren’t in power.”
o Excellent point about how, although Carlson’s show essentially offers the same views that David Duke expresses on his podcast, there are many people who would watch Carlson but not listen to Duke – “While white supremacy is obviously dangerous when spouted by avowed white supremacists, it can actually be more dangerous when it isn’t.”
· And Now This – Pandemic precautions on local news
o I enjoyed this bit, especially all the working-from-home fails – My favorite was the commentator with a toddler clinging to her leg, who simply said, “He walks now, guys, so I’ve lost all control.”
Monday, March 15
· Headlines – Racist comments from high school basketball announcer, high school cheerleaders harassed through deepfakes, Kentucky bill criminalizing “taunting” police officers, London police crack down on Sarah Everard vigil
o Trevor was impressed by the basketball announcer “explanation” for calling high school students the N-word – “‘I’m not racist! I just suffer from diabetes!’ I bet the royal family wishes they’d thought of that one. ‘I’m so sorry, Meghan, our blood sugar was spiking that day, and for the past 600 years.’”
o I agree that it’s wild that a 50-year-old mom learned how to make deepfakes just to harass her daughter’s cheerleading teammates – “This is a sign that the future that awaits us with deepfakes is going to be petty as hell. You know, people are worried that deepfakes could be used to influence elections, but 90% of them are going to be people pretending to find mice in their tacos just so they can get free food.”
o Dark – “And whatever you do, do not try to tell Kentucky police any knock-knock jokes. You know they don’t like knocking.”
o This was a great point, about the Sarah Everard vigil – “I swear, the police could avoid so many headaches if they just hired one person whose only job is to ask, ‘Is this something the good guys would do?’ That way, when the police chief says, ‘Tonight, we’re going to go to a peaceful vigil and tackle women,’ then that person could raise their hand, ask their one question, ‘Is this something the good guys would do?’, and we can avoid this entire situation.”
· Main Story – Andrew Cuomo allegations
o Nice graphic – “Practically every day now, there are more and more and more accusations piling up. It’s getting so bad that he’s gonna have to bring back his PowerPoint slides just to track the harassment claims.”
o New York’s vaccine czar’s ethics are being called into question after he asked county officials about their loyalty to Cuomo – I loved, “Ooh, that response is so gangster. ‘I’m not calling you as the guy who has all the vaccines your area needs. I’m just calling you as Cuomo’s friend… who has all the vaccines your area needs. I just wanna know if you support him, or if you like getting COVID; that’s the question.’”
o Loved this response to Cuomo’s claim that people are “going after him” because he’s not “part of the political club” – “That’s right. From the time he became governor 10 years ago, to his years as attorney general, back to when he worked in the Clinton administration, Andrew Cuomo has never been part of the political club. And if you disagree, you can drive your ass out of New York on the bridge they named after his governor dad!”
· Correspondent Piece (Jaboukie) – Vaccine skepticism
o Jaboukie brought back the same doctor he’s spoken to several times, with Jaboukie needing the doctor to dispel some of the vaccine conspiracy theories he’d heard – “I have accurate sources! Horoscopes, memes, this guy who yells… things outside my window.”
o One conspiracy theory Jaboukie hoped was true was “the vaccine turns your gay” – he came prepared with a list of celebrities he wanted to put forward as vaccine candidates, from Michael B. Jordan to Steven Yeun.
· Interview – Actor/Comedian Eddie Murphy
o Trevor really has a talent for complimenting his guests – “There’s no standup comedian who hasn’t been touched by you. There’s no film, there’s no comedic actor who doesn’t have a little bit of Eddie Murphy in how they perform.”
o For Murphy, making Coming 2 America wasn’t a hard decision – he cited the enduring love for the film, with people still dressing up as the characters for Halloween decades later, as proof that a sequel could still find an audience.
o Murphy made Trevor laugh so hard confirming the story Trevor had heard about Murphy “test-driving” his old-man makeup for the barber shop scenes by going out and flirting with old ladies to make sure it looking convincing – that whole bit made me smile.
Tuesday, March 16
· Headlines – Tinder adds background checks, Catholic priests pledge money for reparations, arctic walrus appears in Ireland
o Tinder, “aka Postmates for chlamydia.”
o This was a valid point, for guys worried about Tinder background checks – “Before a woman goes on a date with you, she and her friends have already scrolled through your Instagram and the Instagrams of everyone tagged on your Instagram! So they already know you still comment on photos of your prom date even though she has kids now. They know everything!”
o Trevor applauded the decision by Catholic priests to give $100 million in reparations, and he had ideas about the distribution – “I think they should keep it simple. From now on, every collection plate goes directly to a Black person.”
o I laughed at the bit about all of the arctic walrus’s friends back home having to suffer through his insistence that only the Guiness in Ireland is worth drinking.
· Main Story – COVID vaccine promotion
o I liked the joke that the U.K. variant “is infecting thousands of Americans a day and taking all their acting roles.”
o Great burn – “That’s right, people. If we all get vaccinated, then Bill Clinton will be free to do whatever he wants, which is- wait, are we sure that’s a good thing?”
o With the living former presidents (minus Trump) banding together to promote the vaccine, Trevor wasn’t sure why ex-presidents should get to be first in line – “Because they’re done! They’re the least-essential workers!”
o But Trevor wasn’t surprised at Trump’s lack of participation – “I mean, the man barely did his job when he had his job! You think he’s gonna start working now? For free?”
o I loved this response to Tucker Carlson “asking questions” on his show that are easily Googleable (like, “How effective is the vaccine? Is it safe?”) – “It’s especially weird to hear people on the news doing this. Like, how does America still call this news? You’re the one who should be giving people the answers! And yet, you’re asking the- It’s like a math teacher asking, ‘What is multiplication? Who invented it? What is it gonna be used for today? Okay, class dismissed.’”
o Fun commercial for a “vaccine gun” to draw in skeptics – I especially liked, “No background check required!” and the bit about racking up your “antibody count!”
· Interview – Author Rebecca Carroll
o Speaking on her memoir about her transracial adoption, Carroll said the practice “presents a dynamic that mirrors the kind of foundational relationship between Black folks and white folks,” one that involves “white people setting the tone, setting the structure, setting the standards, deciding what is valuable, making choices for those who don’t have any rights, really.”
o Carroll argued that white parents looking to adopt Black children have to be prepared to truly “value Blackness,” and not only by half measures – “It’s really an immersion process that has to happen.”
o She did a fun job distilling the problem with parents who advocate “racelessness” and “colorblindness,” boiling it down to, “I will value you only if I strip you of something that is so critically important to you.”
· Interview – Model Precious Lee
o Lee talked about what it’s been like to break numerous barriers as a plus-size dark-skinned Black woman in modeling, especially in 2020 – “Reaching my dream in the middle of a pandemic, and the middle of this revolution, is like, it’s amazing in general. But this timing, it just makes it so profound. Everything is, like, amplified because it just means so much to me to be able to thrive in this setting.”
o I really liked what Trevor said about not letting ourselves feel guilty when we experience something wonderful amid the pandemic – “We need to see that joy so we can remember joy.”
o This was a nice remark from Lee – “I’m grateful that my story was something that I was the main writer of. Like, I have been manifesting these things and I have been working hard, and I haven’t allowed anybody to tell me differently.”
Wednesday, March 17
· Headlines – New Dead Sea scrolls discovered, “Zoom Escaper” app
o I loved Trevor referring to the Bible as “God’s spicy tell-all memoir.”
o Trevor’s take on the newly-discovered biblical fragments – “That’s really beautiful, though I will admit, I don’t know if it was worth rapelling down a cliff into a ‘cave of horrors’ for it. If I’m going down into a cave, I wanna find a treasure chest or the secret to eternal life, not a piece of paper that says, ‘Don’t lie.’ I already knew that!”
o The new “Zoom Escaper” creates sound effects, like crying babies, to give people an excuse to duck out of a Zoom meeting – “This is good news for everyone, except those new parents out there. Because now, you guys had a baby for nothing!”
· If You Don’t Know, Now You Know – The filibuster
o I laughed that one of the items on Biden’s agenda, along with COVID relief and fighting voter suppression, was “finding out who snitched on his dog Major.”
o Trevor noted that the filibuster is a loophole that grew out of senators in the early 1800s decided they didn’t need to create a specific mechanism to end a debate – “And you may wonder why senators back then would want to risk having an endless debate. But don’t forget, guys, in the 1800s, there wasn’t anything better to do! I mean, it was either listen to Thaddeus talk about a bill or take a bumpy carriage ride back to your plantation where a bunch of Black people wanted to discuss the terms of their employment. You’re probably gonna wanna hear what Thaddeus has to say!”
o Great response to Strom Thurmond’s notorious 24-hour filibuster to block civil rights legislation and the “anecdote” he told about dehydrating himself in a sauna for several days beforehand so he wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom – “No, for real, man, how gross was that story? This guy dried out his body to help him filibuster?! You know someone is committed to racism when they’re willing to jerky themselves for it.”
o Trevor’s anger was on full display in this story, so righteous and so tired – “This is truly horrifying. Eight people dead, six of them Asian women. And soon, we’ll learn all about them and who they were in life, but all that we know right now is that they are dead and a 21-year-old white man with a gun killed them.”
o On the shooter’s claim that it “wasn’t racially-motivated” – “First of all f**k you, man. You killed six Asian people. Specifically – you went there. If there’s anyone who’s racist, it’s a mother**ker who kills six Asian women. Your murders speak louder than your words.”
o I felt this – “It’s so frustrating to see this keep happening in America over and over and over again. America sees things coming, it knows something is gonna happen, but it does nothing to stop it. But then, it’s all in on saying, ‘Oh, oh, it’s so tragic! Who could have predicted this tragedy?’ Anyone who was looking at it could!”
o This was an important question – “Why are people so invested in solving the symptoms instead of the cause?”
o Really well-said – “Racism, misogyny, gun violence, mental illness. And honestly, this incident might’ve been all of those things combined, because it doesn’t have to be one thing on its own. America is a rich tapestry of mass-shooting motivations!”
o Trevor broke it down – “This guy blamed a specific race of people for his problems and then murdered them because of it. If that’s not racism, then the word has no meaning!”
o On the police officer who said the shooter “had a bad day” – “It’s always interesting who police try and find the humanity in. Like, I can guarantee you, if a Black person or brown person went on a mass killing spree in a white neighborhood, not a f**k would a police officer go on TV and say, ‘Well, he was kind of at the end of his rope and this is what he did.’ They barely have patience for Black protesters who aren’t killing anybody.”
· Interview – Actress Cynthia Erivo
o I laughed when Trevor told Erivo, “Every time I see you, you’ve achieved yet another thing, and so it puts the pressure on me to have a thing to talk about.” He admitted that he considered “having a child” before their interview, just to show he had something going on.
o Erivo was there to talk about starring in Genius: Aretha, and I loved how she described Aretha Franklin – “She’s so singular. There was something so very individual about her. And that sounds so… plain to say, but there aren’t very many people who you’re like, ‘That’s her. There’s no one else like her.’”
o Trevor asked Erivo, “Do you ever worry about how so many great artists get burden by this world and leave us too soon?” and wondered how she avoids those minefields herself – For Erivo, it boiled down to honesty, kindness, and love.
Thursday, March 18
· Headlines – Marvel announces a gay Captain America, Biden responds to Putin’s election interference, the administration struggles to control border surge
o Trevor didn’t buy a Newsmax anchor’s comment that it would be a lot more daring to have a “conservative superhero” than a gay Captain America – I loved, “There’s no way that billionaire Bruce Wayne supports taxing the rich, “Wanda Maximoff? She wanted to do nothing more than build a wall and take the country back the ‘50s.”
o I laughed at this bit – “It is funny that Putin has to clarify that he’s not joking when he wishes Biden good health, because let’s face it! The man has killed so many people, everyone just assumes that that’s what he means.”
o I liked Trevor’s take on Biden’s attempt to deter migrants – “Okay, that’s worth a shot, I guess, but the phrase ‘don’t come’ isn’t going to prevent immigration any more than it prevented pregnancy on Bridgerton.”
· Main Story – Global vaccine administration
o I loved Trevor calling Europe “the Baskin-Robbins of white people.”
o Wild that European countries are halting use of the AstraZeneca vaccine when 37 people (out of 17 million!) developed blood clots – “You might as well be worried that lightning is gonna strike the metal as you’re getting the vaccine.”
o Trevor pivoted from Europe to Africa, where many countries are struggling to get vaccine doses at all, and he came with truth – “Look, the world needs to do a better job of getting vaccines to developing nations, because don’t forget: if you let coronavirus fester in one place for long enough, it’s gonna mutate and it’s gonna come back even stronger where you live.”
o This was so infuriating – “Wait, hold up. The entire planet could get millions more vaccine doses a year if they just waived the patent on the vaccine, but the U.S. and European Union don’t want to? So you’re gonna tell me that Africa is expected to share our vibranium but we can’t get their vaccines? That’s real fair!”
o Good remarks on Tanzania’s recently-deceased president, who’s rumored to have died of COVID after claiming the virus was a hoax – “I know it’s easy to shit on the African country with the strongman leader who doesn’t believe in science, but don’t forget, America also had a COVID-denying president who got COVID. The only difference is, America had the elite medical team and experimental drugs to keep its dumb president alive.”
· Correspondent Piece (Roy & Michael) – Bracket of Bullshit
o So true – “We are now in the month of March, again. Or still? It’s hard to keep track.”
o Roy and Michael did their usual March routine of promoting the show’s bracket, this year on the most annoying aspects of the pandemic.
o This exchange made me laugh – “Dude, I am so sick of cooking! I never wanted to know the difference between a chef’s knife and a paring knife!” “You’re still using knives, Roy? I gave up on using utensils back in November. Now I eat steak with my bare hands like it’s a breakfast bar, I don’t give a shit!”
o Michael was sick of going on walks as a lockdown activity – “I walked around the same block so many times, my neighbors called the cops on me, and I’m white!”
o Roy and Michael both felt dirty to be in the position of having to root for Big Pharma – “Big Pharma’s supposed to be the bad guy. Now everybody’s treating Johnson & Johnson like they’re Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.”
· Interview – Comedian/Actor Arsenio Hall
o Obviously, Trevor was thrilled to be interviewing Hall, but Hall was in turn excited to be interview by Trevor – He told Trevor, “I watch you, so I’m trying to be cool.”
o Like Eddie Murphy on Monday, Hall was there to promote Coming 2 America. He and Trevor had some fun exchanges about the many characters he plays in the film, especially the story of how Eddie Murphy decided Hall would be “the better choice” to play the witch doctor after Murphy discovered it would require 6 hours of makeup!
o I really liked what Trevor said about The Arsenio Hall Show, which was revolutionary in its day for its inclusive writers’ room and for breaking a lot of emerging Black artists – “That time and that legacy is so interesting to me for two reasons. One, because you broke what existed, but also, because you started a journey that then it seemed like Hollywood just stopped doing after you stopped doing your show.”
o In response, Hall talked about starting an intern program for his show specifically because he looked at other late-night shows for Black writers to hire and couldn’t find any – “I fought a lot because I felt we didn’t have what we needed.”
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