News Satire Roundup: September 15th-September 19th

Sunday, September 15 – Quick comment on the Democratic debate (Joe Biden said “television” then corrected himself to “record player”?), then it was onto the recent Russian elections, which saw encouraging losses for Putin’s party despite some top-notch propaganda from a pair of Moscow rappers. Excellent main story on legal immigration: you know, that thing Trump claims to be a fan of but attempts to undermind at every turn. John went through the four main paths for legal immigration and discussed the difficulties of each (the U.S. is now processing Mexican applications from 1997,) along with Trump’s wild disinformation about them (no, the diversity lottery visa is not a “bowl-based system” where names are literally chosen by hand.) I especially appreciated John sharing his own experiences with U.S. immigration, both the physical/logistical difficulties of it and the personal toll the stress and uncertainty of it took on him.

Monday, September 16 – Opening blurbs on Felicity Huffman sentenced to two weeks in jail, Yemeni rebels claiming responsibility for an attack in Saudi Arabia (cue the U.S.: “Right, so Iran did it?”), Mike Pence relating the time he was bitten by the Triple Crown winner, and Lou Dobbs giving Trump a truly-absurd tongue bath (prompting Trevor to admit that he gets why Trump loves Fox News.) The big story was new allegations against Brett Kavanaugh, which track with old allegations the FBI never investigated. I loved the line about how instructing investigators to only interview these 11 specific people doesn’t really scream “innocent.” The guest was Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, although court requirements prevented her from discussing any cases or fellow justices. Her comments about having closed courts to prevent the camera from influencing them was interesting, although I wouldn’t want to apply the same idea to Congress.

Tuesday, September 17 – Opening blurbs on Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars (and his next-day press conference declaring his dance the best performance ever?), new medication for peanut allergies and a forthcoming “space hotel” (loved the tangent on it having a movie theater.) Good piece on dueling rallies for Trump and Elizabeth Warren. Trump’s tactless/racist pandering to Latinx voters was gross, especially asking a Latinx staffer, “What do you like more, the country or Hispanics?” Loved the line about how bizarre that question is: “They’re not even the same kind of thing! It’s like asking, ‘What do you like more, Pepsi or Mongolia?’” Michael did a report on a native tribe sticking it to Hamptons vacationers on their land, featuring lots of tone-deaf complaints from the vacationers. The guests were Bashir Salahuddin and Diallo Riddle, who created Southside. I liked their remarks that their series shows all sides of the Southside.

Wednesday, September 18 – Fun bits on Amazon hiring 30,000 new workers, Colin Kaepernick possibly getting to quarterback again (great crack that football is the only sport in which not playing keeps you in better shape,) and the Secret Service buying jet skis to protect the Trumps on the water (ridiculous that they were paying out-of-pocket for rentals.) More on the attack on Saudi Arabia. After Trump specifically cited how much Saudi Arabia buys from the U.S. in calling it an “ally,” Michael did a great fake ad to sell U.S. military services to other countries. Roy talked about MIT scientists creating “the blackest black,” offering obvious but funny jokes like wondering if it went to an HBCU and countering with his own “whitest white,” Mike Pence. Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, who broke the Harvey Weinstein story, were the guests. They discussed how the world has and hasn’t changed with the MeToo movement.

Thursday, September 19 - First was Trump autographing part of the the wall (loved the crack about Lincoln not autographing slaves after the Emancipation Proclamation,) followed by a ranking of clean/dirty airline water (yecch) and the Navy admitting to seeing actual unidentified flying objects. Strong story on Justin Trudeau’s brown/blackface scandal. I especially liked the jokes on the hazards of applying makeup all over (if you touch a white person who doesn’t know you’re in blackface and leave a black handprint on them, they’ll think Black people can “turn” others!), and calling for a “brown makeup” buyback program for white people was awesome. Ronny reported on bar technology. I enjoyed the robot bartender whose motions “inspired by an Italian choreographer” just looked like jerking off. The (remotely-interviewed) guest, Edward Snowden, discussed data collection, privacy, and how things have changed since 2013.