Further Thoughts on Queer Eye

I want to talk a little more about Queer Eye (season 4 is coming out in July, woohoo!)  There are a ton of great reasons to adore the show, some of which I’ve already gone into in my review of the series and my write-ups of different members of the Fab Five.  But today, I want to look particularly at some of what the show has taught me on a personal level.

When I was younger, I kind of prided myself on not being “girly.”  I doubt anyone would have call me a tomboy, because I’ve always been terrible at sports and have never liked video games, but I didn’t wear those disinterests like a badge of honor the way I did my disinterests in hair, makeup, clothes, etc.  Growing up, my mom and I clashed at times over what I felt was her dissatisfaction with my appearance, and as an adult, my casual style is very much T-shirt-and-jeans, with my hairstyling prowess extending no further than “put it in a ponytail” or “do nothing.”

Now, part of all this stems from the stigma society places on feminine-coded interests, and in recent years, I’ve tried to be more aware of that and examine my kneejerk reactions to things.  As I’ve gone into on the blog, even though I’m not a huge rom-com person, I’ve definitely become more open about liking the ones I like (after all, what are Jane Austen novels if not deeply-witty Regency-era rom-coms?)  With movies/TV, music, and other aspects of my life, I’ve better learned to judge things by their merits and not dismiss something just for being “girly.”  But before Queer Eye, that wasn’t something I ever really extended to my appearance.

Before I get in too much further, I want to explain something.  I’m not just thinking about appearance and femininity in terms of conventionally-feminine style.  I’m thinking about it more in terms of just time spent on/attention paid to appearance, which, as Jonathan and Tan emphasize on Queer Eye, anyone can do, but which is still viewed as a “girly” habit with the double-edged sword of being something that women a) are required to do in order to be considered desirable and yet b) will be derided for taking part in such of “frivolous”/“shallow” preoccupation.

But, again, as Tan and Jonathan (as well as the others, but Tan and Jonathan spearhead it) show the heroes on Queer Eye, spending time/attention on your appearance is not a male or female trait.  It doesn’t mean vanity or frivolousness.  It doesn’t need to conform to one particular metric of what’s beautiful or attractive.  And while it can play a role in attracting a partner or looking food for one you already have, it doesn’t need to be for anyone but yourself (as an aromantic asexual, that’s especially important for me.)

I know I’ve brought this up before, but viewing fashion and grooming through a lens of self-care was a radical reforumulation for me.  Choosing clothes that make you feel confident and enjoy the way you look, showing the world you care about yourself by keeping your skin and hair healthy.  These were big ideas for me, and they forced me to stop and think about my relationship with my clothes, my hair, and my body.  Even though I’d never spent much time doing my hair or deliberating over an outfit, that didn’t mean that I genuinely had no opinion about how I look.  I have very few pictures of me in my house, and I knew that a major factor in that was me not liking how I look in pictures.  And why?  What’s the point of that?  Why do I act like I’m proud, ultimately, of not liking how I look?  Who does that benefit?

Since watching Queer Eye, I’ve thought a lot about the show, the wonderful transformations (both internal and external) it facilitates, and the advice I’ve learned from all of the Fab Five.  But it’s Jonathan and Tan’s words/expertise that have been rattling around in my brain most of all.  Very timidly, I’ve started putting my toes in the water.  Jonathan was the person who finally convinced me that, no, I don’t need to wash my hair everyday, and I’ve been happy with the results of that.  I’ve experimented with DIY exfoliants and face masks he’s recommended, and I recruited a couple of more-experienced friends to help show me how to style my hair more professionally for work.  When I buy clothes, I think about Tan stressing the importance of fit, and I try things on to figure out whether I like the way they look on me, rather than just on the hanger.

I’ve only just started trying my hand at this stuff, and I doubt I’ll ever be as into it as much as some friends or family members of mine are.  But that’s fine.  As Queer Eye has shown me, it’s more about being deliberate in discovering what works for me.  What I like, what I don’t, what makes me feel good, what makes me feel insecure.  I know that the only times I’ve consciously thought, “This looks good on me,” they’ve involved me wearing a tie, and so I’ve realized that probably means it’s a style I ought to be leaning into.  I’m not sure what that will look like yet or where I’ll find it, but I want to learn.  I want to look put-together when I’m at work, I want to look self-assured when I’m walking down the street, and I want to look like I want to look when I’m with my loved ones.  And there’s nothing wrong with that, which is something I ought to have understood a long time ago.  Tremendous thanks to Queer Eye for helping me see it.