Monday, March 25
· Headlines – Trump wins golf tournament at his club, Trump’s legal fines in civil fraud case
o Trump made quite the proclamation about his golfing victory on Truth Social – “That’s right, woke libs! You think Donald Trump’s a loser? Well, would a loser…brag about winning a golf tournament…at his own course? I don’t think so!”
o In his civil fraud case, Trump had a week to come up with $454 million and prevent his assets being seized. We watched an “is this the end for Donald Trump?” montage of news clips, with one anchor wondering if this move signaled “the obituary” for Trump’s business – “RIP The Trump Organization. It died as it lived: fraudulently.”
o John was ready to celebrate, but then came the news – An appeals court took Trump’s penalty and knocked it down from $454 million to $175 million, plus they gave him more time to come up with the money.
o This led into the main point of the piece, Trump’s criminal activities and the reactions of right-wing pundits arguing, “It’s a victimless crime,” and wondering,” Who’s next?” in the alleged witch hunt of prosecutions for bank fraud – “‘Who’s next?’ The persecuted minority of the investment community. ‘First they came for the arbitrators / And I said nothing, / For I was not an arbitrator. / And then they came for the quants, / Which I could be— / I don’t know what they are.’”
o John laid out how Trump’s crime isn’t actually without victims – “Money isn’t infinite. A loan that goes to the liar [who wildly overvalued his assets] doesn’t go to someone who’s giving a more honest evaluation, so the system becomes incentivized for corruption.”
o One guy wringing his hands on Fox News said that every big business owner cheats in the same way that Trump does, so it’s unfair to prosecute him – John noted, “There is a theory in law that if enough people commit a crime, it automatically becomes legal. You’re familiar with the Purge, are you not?”
o Good line – “In their minds, there is no rule that cannot be bent, there is no principle that cannot be undercut, as long as you and your f**king friends are making money.”
o John added, “Apparently the only immoral practice in the capitalist system is to use that money for people who may need it” – This led us to a montage of those same folks fearmongering about benefit fraud and grocery shoplifting.
o John summed it up like this – “You nutrition-needing mother**kers, bringing our system to its knees! Stealing is only justified when you already have too much!”
· Interview – Musician Gary Clark Jr.
o In talking about his new album, Clark was most eager to discuss writing a song for it with Stevie Wonder – He reminisced about Wonder FaceTiming him in the earlier days of the pandemic, recalling, “He says, ‘I’m gonna send you a voice memo. You wanna collab?’ What am I gonna say, ‘No?’”
o Clark praised Wonder’s work on the song, saying, “He’s tapped into something that I don’t think many people are able to tap into.”
· Performance – Gary Clark Jr.
o Clark performed a beautiful, moody song called “Habits.”
o I liked the line, “I’ve been feelin’ like this for a while, / And I always hide behind my crooked smile.”
o Gorgeous ending – “I’ve got everything I need, more than I wanted, / But it means nothing when you’re gone.”
Tuesday, March 26
· Headlines – Trump shills the Bible, cargo ship crashes into Baltimore bridge, Florida bans social media accounts for children under 14
o Jordan was our host for the rest of the week – He came out strong with, “Let’s begin with the ongoing legal woes of America’s defendant-in-chief, Donald Trump.”
o The new “God Bless the USA” Bible Trump is hawking features patriotic add-ons like the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence – “Yeah, Trump is mashing together the Bible and the Constitution like it’s a Pizza Hut/Taco Bell.”
o Ha! – “Trump getting into business with God can only mean one thing: God is gonna end up bankrupt and serving a three-month prison sentence for lying under oath.”
o In response to the bridge collapse in Baltimore, right-wing pundits speculated about culprits from “wide-open borders” to terrorist attacks – Jordan was especially struck by Alex Jones’s fearmongering cyberattack claims, exclaiming, “‘WWIII has already started’?!? But I have Dune tickets this weekend!”
o Loved this – “You know, media figures, you are allowed to just say, ‘We’re waiting for more information,’ all right? We don’t need to fill every moment of uncertainty with bullshit. ‘It might be too early to speculate, but can we prove that this wasn’t P Diddy’s getaway sex barge? Stay tuned and find out!’”
o Jordan hated to admit it, but he kind of agreed with Ron DeSantis on keeping kids off social media – “If Florida teenagers are kicked off of their phones, maybe they can focus on all the quintessential experiences of being a teen in Florida. Things like wrestling a gator at prom, or going to the library and reading the four books that are still legal to read, or trying to avoid Matt Gaetz on your walk home from school, you know? Classic Florida teen shit!”
· The GOP struggles with women voters
o We opened on the recent Supreme Court case over mifepristone – Jordan explained, “Even if the abortion pill survives this time, it’s clear that women’s reproductive health will be under threat for a long time. Which presents a big problem for Republicans, who are trying to figure out how to win over women voters while taking their rights away.”
o We looked at such sterling strategies as “show empathy to women” and “don’t bring up the rape and incest thing” – “Right, right, the majority of Americans don’t like ‘the rape and incest thing.’ It’s amazing what the polling shows!”
· Interview – Anchor/author Jim Sciutto
o Sciutto’s new book, The Return of Great Powers, was on the reemergence of global superpowers and looking ahead to the next world war.
o As they discussed NATO, Jordan shared some of the perspective he hears in his field pieces, saying, “When I go out and I talk to people at MAGA events, you know, there’s an isolationist attitude, to say the least.”
o Sciutto said, “We benefitted from [NATO] for years, not just since the last Cold War, but going back to, like, 80 years ago, post-WWII. NATO and other treaties helped keep the peace, pretty much. It’s not perfect, but they did prevent—so far, right?—the next world war. That’s important.”
Wednesday, March 27
· Headlines – January 6th fallout
o What even is life right now? – “We’re gonna get into the big question America is grappling with right now: if someone tried to overthrow democracy and kill the vice president, is that a red flag?”
o We began by looking back at the initial consensus of condemning the insurrection, including a speech by Trump himself – “You hear that, people who broke the law? You’re gonna pay for that! So says the person who told you to break the law.”
o Now, though, things definitely changed – After one insurrectionist got out of prison and Rep. Louie Gohmert presented her with an American flag, Jordan said, “I’m no history buff, but she was a loser in a failed insurrection. If you’re gonna her with a flag, it probably should’ve been this flag.” He was talking, of course, about the Confederate flag.
o Meanwhile, Trump rails against the “horrible treatment” of “the J6 hostages,” even open in his rallies with a recording of the so-called J6 Prison Choir singing the National Anthem – “That’s how far Trump has gone. He’s turning these January 6th rioters into victims and patriots and innocent choir boys.”
o I loved this – “Look, we can’t normalize this! Do you remember when he wasted three months of our lives being mad at Colin Kaepernick for kneeling for the National Anthem? Now he’s saluting rioters, insurrectionists, and even worse, a cappella singers!”
o In other news, the QAnon Shaman is running for Congress, promising solutions to the nation’s problems – “Solutions?!? What solutions could he possibly have? ‘Social security is in trouble, have you tried beating it with a flagpole?’”
o Excellent summation – “Here’s the point: this is not just a fight for how to remember the past. The people who did January 6th are trying to get back in power. If they lose, they’ll do January 6th again.”
· RFK Jr. names his VP candidate
o Kennedy’s VP pick, Nicole Shanahan, recently spent $4 million on a Super Bowl ad for his campaign – “That’s right! The independent outsider taking on the political and corporate power structure decided to run for president with…his sugar daddy.”
o Jordan was baffled by Kennedy’s announcement, in which he praised Shanahan’s surfing ability and noted that she went to college on a softball scholarship – “Who cares if she surfs? There’s never been a crisis in American history that required the VP to shred the gnar, you know?”
o Michael attended Kennedy’s announcement rally – “It’s exciting: I’m unvaxxed, I’m unwaxed, and I’m ready to go!”
o Prior to the announcement, many Kennedy supporters were buzzing about the celebrities on his VP shortlist – Michael agreed with one man’s take, saying, “Aaron Rodgers is the only guy with experience: The Joe Rogan Experience.”
o This cracked me up – “There’s something in the air right now, along with all the cancer-causing Wi-Fi, and it’s excitement!”
· Interview – Journalist/author Byron Tau
o Tau was there to discuss his book The Means of Control, which is about digital surveillance through data brokerage.
o He and Jordan both agreed that, while it’s bad enough for companies to collect and sell our data, it’s even more unsettling to think of governments buying that data for themselves.
o In one surprising example, Tau talked about tire sensors – While the sensors have a useful purpose of alerting a driver when their tire pressure is low, the signal it gives off can be used to pinpoint that car’s location at any time.
Thursday, March 28
· Headlines – Sam Bankman-Fried sentenced to 25 years in prison, Biden holds star-studded fundraiser, NYC considers congestion toll for midtown Manhattan
o This line made me smile – “Wow, Biden, Obama, and Clinton in one show. It’s like Coachella for the kids who asked the teacher for more homework.”
o This was Jordan’s take on a congestion toll – “Understandably, people are upset. And the last thing I want is angry drivers in New York, can you imagine?”
o Grace brainstormed ways to avoid the toll, including driving through the sewers – “It’s fast, it’s efficient, and you might run into a Teenage Mutant Nina Turtle!”
· In My Opinion (Leslie Jones) – New poll shows Trump leading over Biden
o Yay, Leslie Jones! John Leguizamo did one of these back in the fall – I liked it then, and I’m glad to see them doing it again here, nice way to shake things up.
o Leslie was a gigantic mood throughout this whole piece – “What the f**k is wrong with us??? This is like a movie where you see the disaster coming from a mile away, and nobody is stopping it! Every time I watch the news, I’m shouting at the screen like it’s a horror movie. Don’t go in there, America! Leatherface is in there, America!”
o Seriously – “How can you forget the man who wanted to nuke a hurricane? That actually happened!”
o Leslie was just making points all over the place – “The thing that really gets me is that people say we’re worse off than we were in 2020! In 2020, we didn’t even have f**king toilet paper! We was wiping our ass with family photos!”
o Her main theme was, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that America is about to do something that we know is harmful to us, because that is what we always do.”
o This led to a lot of great examples, such as, “We know we should take care of our mental health, but we entertain ourselves by watching documentaries of f**king serial killers!”
o She also mentioned looking up symptoms on Web M.D. instead of going to the doctor, admitting, “I know it’s irresponsible, but I can’t control myself, probably because I’m dying of scurvy” – I’m choosing to view that as an Our Flag Means Death reference!
· Interview – Musician Huey Lewis
o The Heart of Rock ‘n’ Roll, a new Broadway show based on Lewis’s music, is about to open.
o He talked about the process of creating the show, saying, “What Tyler and John did was they printed all of our lyrics and put them up on a wall, and just lived with them. And I guess there was some jogging involved? But then this story emerged that was pretty compelling.”
o Nice observation – “It’s a reimagining of the tunes, really. They worked in a certain way already anyway, but we had to tweak them a little bit in order to push the story forward. Because the songs have to push the story forward, you know? By the same token, you don’t want to lose the integrity of the songs, so that’s the little balancing act.”
o Jordan observed that Huey Lewis and the News was the canonical favorite band for both Marty McFly in Back to the Future and Patrick Bateman in American Psycho – quite the range of fictional fans!
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