Chelsea Handler was the latest guest host.
Monday, February 6
· Headlines – Chinese spy balloon, Marjorie Taylor Greene complains about the demands of Congress, George Santos claims to have produced Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, record-setting cold temperatures in New Hampshire
o I enjoyed Chelsea’s reaction to how Biden touted the military’s takedown of the spy balloon – Citing his swagger and his aviators, she said, “Giving off some serious Top Gun: Maverick vibes—the straight kind.”
o Good line – “As usual, America went haywire and brought out way too much firepower to address this problem. They brought two fighter jets and shot a missile through a balloon. Was that really necessary? Couldn’t we just have hired another hot air balloon to float by and shoot it with a BB gun, or just wait for it to get stuck in a ceiling fan?”
o I appreciated Chelsea’s response to Marjorie Taylor Greene saying that being in Congress takes too much time – “First of all, you’re not a regular person, you moron. You’re a Congressperson because you campaigned and somehow won, which requires you to work year-round.”
o Greene also remarked on people coming up to her with wild stories they read online – “Well, if that’s not the pot calling the kettle QAnon….”
o This spokesperson for Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark came hard, saying, “Of all the tribulations the producers of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark had to endure, we are very pleased, proud, and relieved to report working with George Santos was not one of them.”
o Terrific take on George Santos – “I don’t get this dude. How could he lie so much and not get better at lying?”
o Chelsea noted that each new Santos scandal makes it harder to keep track of the last one – “We’ve only known this guy for, like, five weeks. How are we already on season 19 of his scandals?”
o Chelsea tried to get Dulcé to report on the record cold in New Hampshire, but Dulcé wasn’t having it, pointing out that reporters are only sent out in extreme temperatures to watch them fall/freeze/get blown around/etc. – She instead reported from her bedroom, saying, “You’re not slick. I can’t fall down if I’m laying down. Ha, checkmate!”
· Fake Ad – Ozempic
o This is a diabetes drug that’s now experiencing shortages because non-diabetic celebrities and influencers are taking it for weight loss.
o One of the folks in the ad explained, “All it takes is one dose per week, and a panic room to hide from all the TikTok influencers [trying to steal it].”
o Good bit from the voiceover – “Ozempic is not for everyone. If you’re not prepared to kill for Ozempic, it may not be right for you.”
· Interview – Sen. Raphael Warnock
o Warnock was there to talk about his new children’s book Put Your Shoes On and Get Ready, which was inspired by his upbringing – He was one of twelve children born to two preachers!
o Chelsea expressed relief that, after 2020’s special senate election/runoff and 2022’s midterm election/runoff, Warnock will finally be serving a full term – He agreed, noting, “My name was on the ballot five times in two years, so clearly, I wanted this doggone job. And finally, I have a six-year term.”
o The title of the book comes from a phrase Warnock’s father always used to say to encourage a strong work ethic – “For me, it represents preparation, but also a sense of purpose and the recognition that all of us have a place, I believe, in the world. We’ve got gifts and things we’re supposed to do. And I’m fighting every day to make sure every kid has a place in America.”
o Chelsea also asked about continuing efforts to pass voting rights legislation – He said, “Look, change is slow. It’s difficult. It comes in fits and starts. But we have to keep working at it.”
o This was beautifully expressed – “Democracy, for me, is not just one issue alongside other issues. It’s the framework with which we get to fight for everything we care about.”
Tuesday, February 7
· Headlines – Tucker Carlson complains about Biden’s judge appointments, Singapore man sues over getting “friend-zoned,” viral video of a micro-bikini, Taliban bored with bureaucracy
o Relatable reaction to Tucker Carlson insisting that Biden is appointing too many Black women as judges – “I wish Tucker Carlson would go back to talking about which M&Ms he likes to f**k.”
o Chelsea pointed out that, even with the historic diversity of Bidens judicial appointments, there are still only 44 Black women out of 784 federal judges – “44 out of 784? That is not a lot. You need 20 Black women just to make up for Clarence Thomas.”
o In a viral TikTok about a new micro-bikini from Kim Kardashian’s line, the poster used tortilla chips to show how small the coverings were – “Okay, first of all, that is not a helpful comparison. No one who can fit into a bikini that small has ever eaten a tortilla chip.”
o Good line – “It’s the only bikini that comes with a box of Monistat, ‘cause you’re gonna need it.”
o Desi reported on the Taliban, who, now that they’ve taken over Afghanistan’s government, are now languishing in 9 to 5 government jobs – After describing one member’s aggravating struggle with an IT issue, she said, “Long story short, by the end of the day, he beheaded himself.”
· Panel – Leonardo DiCaprio’s possible new girlfriend, Tom Brady posts thirst trap photo, child genius graduates high school, NASA discovers new moons of Jupiter
o I’m guessing that Chelsea has done a panel like this on shows of her own, quite possibly with these same three guests? I was a little meh on it, very little commentary and not funny enough to make up for it.
o Matteo Lane speculated on what the relationship is like between Leonardo DiCaprio and the 19-year-old woman who may be his new girlfriend – “My question is like, he’s on set, he’s dealing with agents, he’s in some movie. And then he’s like, ‘How’s your day?’ She’s like, ‘My locker mate’s the worst!’”
o Sam Jay agreed with Chelsea in not wanting to hear about Jupiter’s newly discovered moons – “I just wish we would all get to a point where scientists were like, ‘Hey y’all, we don’t know shit,’ and all just stop there.”
· Interview – Supermodel Ashley Graham
o As Chelsea touted the body positivity movement, Graham gave it a shoutout while also discussing the body neutrality movement and how the two are different.
o Graham was excited for the upcoming New York Fashion Week and different events she was going to be involved in. However, she also expressed frustration about the limited options for models like her, who wear the same size as average women in America – “I’m here to support. Like, I love fashion, but the biggest problem is, is that there just isn’t enough designers making clothes for our size.”
Wednesday, February 8
· Headlines – Congressional hearing on Twitter, State of the Union
o Naturally, Chelsea’s favorite part of the hearing was when a former Twitter employee had to read an insulting tweet from Chrissy Teigen that Trump had tried to get Twitter to remove – “Interesting that Trump doesn’t like being called a pussy ass bitch when those are his three favorite things.”
o This made me laugh out loud – “Marjorie Taylor Greene stood up during the speech and shouted, ‘Liar!’ And then George Santos stood up and was like, ‘Over here!’”
· Long Story Short – Women who don’t want kids
o Chelsea side eyed the pope’s claims that women who choose not to have children are selfish – “First of all, I’m not gonna take procreation advice from a guy who’s never even penetrated anyone.”
o She also didn’t buy men who say no one will date a woman who doesn’t want kids – “Yes, because men are so upset every time they’re denied a chance to have a child. Watch an episode of Maury Povitch to see how excited men get to find out that they are the father.”
· Interview – Boxer Alycia Baumgardner
o Baumgardner is the female super featherweight boxing champion – Chelsea led into the interview with a clip of Baumgardner announcing after a recent victory that she’d won while on her period.
o Baumgardner explained how the lead-up to a match works and, more importantly for Chelsea, how she celebrates after a victory.
Thursday, February 9
· Headlines – North Korean military parade, George Santos and Mitt Romney clash at the State of the Union, extreme belly flopping, China demands U.S. return spy balloon debris
o Good line, about Kim Jong-un’s daughter making a rare appearance at the military parade – “Yes, this girl is speculated to become Kim’s successor. Who would have ever thought that North Korea would have a female leader before America?”
o George Santos criticized Romney for scolding him at the State of the Union, which Chelsea took issue with – “You’re saying that wasn’t very Mormon? Mitt Romney is so Mormon that whatever he does is the Mormon thing to do.”
o This made me smile – “At the same time, though, George Santos is an absolute bitch, and I love it. I’m gonna miss him when he’s in prison in two months.”
o An easy joke, but a good one – “And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not scared about this supposed explosive self-destructing capability on a balloon. All balloons have a self-destructing capability. It’s called ‘deflating.’”
· Panel – Kourtney Kardashian announces “vaginal wellness” gummy, new Whitney Houston album to be released, Japanese zoo monkey’s mysterious pregnancy
o Another so-so panel, with different comedians this time.
o Chelsea’s take on Kourtney Kardashian’s vaginal wellness product – “First of all, just a regular shower will do it most of the time, you know what I mean? We don’t have to get fancy with this!”
o Atsuko Okatsuka was hung up on how the gummies will evidently make vaginas smell/taste like pineapple – She couldn’t stop imagining the person in charge of taste testing for that product.
o Hearing about Whitney Houston’s new album, Bob the Drag Queen remarked, “I think Beethoven’s releasing something next week too.”
· Interview – Actress Lea Michele
o Michele was on to talk about Funny Girl, which Chelsea recently saw and gushed over.
o When asked how she stepped into the role with such a short rehearsal time, Michele said, “I just wanted to make all the quick changes happen and not walk offstage naked. That was the biggest thing.”
Chelsea wasn’t my favorite—she was all right, but I feel like her shows weighed more heavily on comedy than news, and the comedy was just okay. But of course, we’ll have someone new next week, so it’s still beneficial to get so many different voices behind the desk, even if one occasionally doesn’t work as well for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment