News Satire Roundup: February 19th

Sunday, February 19

John’s back, yay!

·        Recap of the Week – Filing in Dominion lawsuit against Fox News, train derailment in East Palestine

o   We looked at numerous texts that proved Fox News hosts thought the very election lies they peddled in 2020 were absurd and patently false – “Wow, if I were a Fox viewer, I’d feel pretty betrayed by that. This is like finding out that Big Bird regularly texts Elmo, ‘Fuck them kids,’ and Elmo agrees.”

o   John acknowledged the odd cycle Fox News is caught in. Having effectively radicalized their audience, they need to keep giving them the “news” they want to hear or else lose viewership to even more conspiracy-driven networks likes Newsmax – “Multiple Fox News hosts seem to view telling the truth as a potentially existential threat.”

o   Everything about the Norfolk Southern train derailment in East Palestine is horrible – “It should say something that employees were raising concerns about the 18,000-ton combustible centipede that the company was operating.”

·        And Now This – Jim Cramer’s Brioni suits

o   I was amused when a guest on Cramer’s show asked, “Who wears black shoes with an olive suit?” – Immediately, Cramer retorted, “First of all, it’s a Brioni suit. It’s worth a lot more than you.”

·        Main Story – Psychedelic Assisted Therapy

o   Well, he knows it about himself, and that’s the important thing – “First of all, I know that anyone with my face, voice, and generally off-putting aura who talks about drugs is usually warning you about ‘the devil’s lettuce.’”

o   One veteran gave this glowing description of the psychedelic assisted therapy he did for his PTSD – “It’s like doing therapy while being hugged by everyone who loves you, in a bathtub full of puppies licking your face.”

o   One study showed that, after 2 months of therapy using MDMA, 67% of participants “no longer qualified for a PTSD diagnosis,” which is hugely impressive.

o   John acknowledged that psychedelics have been used in Indigenous communities for centuries before looking at the more recent western history of their use – He looked at numerous ways promising research was made before it got swept up into the drug war as part of the backlash against counterculture.

o   I loved this line about the army’s experiments with using LSD as chemical warfare – “Even as the army was dicking around trying to invent a literal love bomb…”

o   One fearmongering study claimed that monkeys experienced brain damage after a single dose of MDMA, but the study had to be retracted after it came out that the monkeys were actually given meth – “And that is a very different drug. Any study’s result is gonna change if the independent variable is suddenly and unexpectedly fucking meth!”

o   Great line – “I’m so glad that that worked out for him, but ‘let’s imagine our mums dying’ doesn’t sound like an amazing time. It sounds like a rave DJed by Werner Herzog.”

·        And Now This – Local anchor Pat Collins retires

o   The show has featured this reporter before, always underscoring his offbeat delivery style with a beat poet soundtrack. This one made me smile – “Aisle number 9, aisle number 9. Attention: major shoplifting job on aisle number 9.”

o   The best, though, was his story on some trouble that occurred on a plane – Reporting from the airport, he walked toward the camera holding a paper airplane, flanked by two other guys also holding paper airplanes, to represent the F-16s that escorted the distressed plane to its landing. 10/10, no notes!