"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, March 14, 2020

News Satire Roundup: March 8th-March 12th


Sunday, March 8 – Good update on the coronavirus. Health officials repeatedly jumping in to correct Trump’s false statements was depressing, as was Trump’s desire not to let the passengers of the Princess Diamond disembark because he “[likes] the numbers where they are” (I really appreciated John saying, “You realize the numbers are also people, right?”) We also got a great bit on an Indian streaming service censoring the show, leading to John threatening them with outrageous “Disney facts.” The main story was on sheriffs. As with most stories on down-ballot offices, we hit the points, 1) most people don’t even know who their sheriff is, 2) quality ranges wildly and a bad sheriff can do incredible damage, and 3) a bad sheriff is very hard to remove from office. The campaign video of one sheriff openly sharing photos of him in blackface on Halloween (his “it was a different time” was 10 years ago) was staggering.


Monday, March 9 – Opening blurbs on Kamala Harris endorsing Joe Biden (I loved Trevor branding the primary 2 Old 2 Furious,) two men claiming the presidency in Afghanistan, and a proposed bill to end Daylight Savings Time. Lots on the coronavirus tonight. We looked at Italy on lockdown, where even in the Sistine Chapel, “God is afraid to touch man.” We also had multiple GOP senators in self-quarantine after exposure at CPAC: “If they test positive for the virus, they might have to send all of Congress home! And then who will not pass bills?!” Jaboukie offered some hygiene-safety advice, telling people who still shake hands, “Stop it right now, you dirty bitches.” Activist/author Mikki Kendall was the guest. In discussing “hood feminism,” intersectional/inclusive of working-class women, she discussed the importance of bettering life for everyone by ensuring that basic survival needs are met for all.

Tuesday, March 10 – Loved Trevor comparing the volatile stock market to a dog, where every fleeting emotion is forever!!! And always either horrifically tragic or ecstatically wonderful. We also covered a possible constitutional change that would allow Putin to run again (great line that a constitution is only as strong as those who safeguard it) and locusts sweeping East Africa. Tonight’s coronavirus update looked at social distancing, from canceled events to school closures to increased teleworking, the latter of which led into concerns about paid sick leave in the U.S. Next, the show introduced its bracket for this year, featuring Trump’s “best words,” from the “oranges” of the investigation to the “United Shaysh”; Trevor incorporating Trump’s words into his own remarks made me laugh. The guests, authors Jason Reynolds and Ibram X. Kendi, talked about their techniques to reach young people in writing on racism and antiracism.

Wednesday, March 11 – We jumped right into coronavirus news, covering the pandemic designation (“which is like going platinum for a virus!”), online myths, and fights over toilet paper – I loved, “People in first-world countries don’t know what to panic over.” Next was the Democratic primary, with Joe Biden getting combative yet again with a voter (sigh.) Describing the candidates as “the old man from Up” and “old Captain America” made me laugh. The first of two guests was Bill de Blasio. His effort to strike a balance between complacency and panic on the coronavirus didn’t quite work for me. He cautioned against large-scale social distancing efforts, but at the same time, NYU was going remote and it was announced the next day that Broadway will be dark for a month; doesn’t quite match up. The second guest was rapper Dave Burd, who reminisced about funding his first music videos with bar mitzvah money.

Thursday, March 12 – It was nearly all coronavirus tonight. The blurbs included Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s diagnosis (“If I can get to Hanks, I can get to anyone!), closures/cancellations from the NBA season to Disneyworld, and swarms of Thai monkeys with no tourists to feed them. We also covered Trump’s address, both his xenophobic response (calling it a “foreign” virus and banning travel from Europe when the call is now coming from inside the house) and repeated incorrect statements. As Trevor said, “An Oval Office address shouldn’t be like ‘Two Truths and a Lie!’” and I loved his puzzlement over the new travel ban not including the U.K. – “The U.K. has ‘the border’? Does he mean the water? Does he think the coronavirus can’t swim?” With the show going audience-free next week, Trevor performed a farewell song. Guest Octavia Spencer discussed her new series on Madam C.J. Walker and becoming a producer. (Side note: I like that Trevor’s no-touch greeting for Black guests is the Wakanda salute.)

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