"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, January 18, 2020

News Satire Roundup: January 13th-January 16th


Monday, January 13 – We started with the Oscar nominations (Trevor was impressed at how saltily Issa Rae congratulated the all-male nominated directors,) followed by Cory Booker dropping out of the presidential race and a Galapagos tortoise that helped restart the island’s tortoise population (great remarks about all the praise for the male tortoise but no love for the females who gave birth to the 2,000 babies.) I’m glad the show went further into Harry and Meghan’s step back from the royal family. The part on tabloid coverage was especially good (“Prince Andrew’s having sleepovers at Jeffrey Epstein’s and the media is like, ‘Meghan Markle just ordered avocado!!!’”) Next was Trump’s BS-ing on the “imminent threat” posed by Qassem Soleimani. I liked Trevor’s point that saying, “I can reveal that I believe…” tells you nothing. David Alan Grier was the guest, promoting the Broadway revival of A Soldier’s Play.

Tuesday, January 14Debate time again. I loved Trevor’s take on Warren’s response about a woman’s electability: “Forget the wealth tax, she just took two balls from every man on that stage!” He also had strong remarks on money in the race, with Tom Steyer receiving astonishing-good numbers in early-polling states because he’s flooded the airwaves with millions of dollars’ worth of ads (he’s spent more in one state than multiple candidates combined have spent on their entire ad campaigns!) Jordan did a great field piece on the upcoming Iowa caucus, with everyone awkwardly trying to explain how they’re diverse in their hearts if not in actual reality. The guest, conservative author Rick Wilson, laid out how he thinks Democrats can beat Trump in 2020, which boiled down to, “Talk less, / Smile more. / Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.”

Wednesday, January 15 – Opening blurbs on a Delta flight dumping fuel on schoolchildren (“LA, this is God’s punishment for not nominating any female directors!”), a man using a still-on-the-books law to request a “trial by combat” divorce, and some chilliness between Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders after the last debate. We covered the House “marching” the articles of impeachment to the Senate floor like “the most somber pizza delivery ever.” Ronny reported on this year’s CES, featuring a smart faucet of dubious usefulness, some unimpressive AIs (“Why do I have to ask the guy to ask the robot a question? Imagine if that was how Siri worked!”), and a DNA-based healthy-shopping assistant. Guest Yara Shahidi discussed her long tenure playing Zoey on Black-ish and Grown-ish; I liked what she said about viewing Zoey as almost another aspect of herself at this point.

Thursday, January 16 – Great bit on the two Popes’ dueling opinions on celibacy – I liked Trevor’s theory that God was pranking Benedict this whole time. We also covered news that Boeing knew about problems with the 737 Max, and I loved the bit on Spotify making playlists and podcasts for dogs (“You’re an up-and-comer, your numbers are blowing up, you go on tour, and you find out all your fans are dogs!!”) The latest impeachment stuff was Lev Parnas’s claim that Trump knew everything he and Giuliani were doing. I liked the part about Parnas threatening to release another picture of the two of them each time Trump denied knowing him. New sports piece from Roy and Michael, touching on Odell Beckham Jr.’s arrest, the Houston Astros being caught cheating, and the Olympics banning protests. The guest was Susie Essman, who talked about the unique environment of working on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

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