News Satire Roundup: October 27th-October 31st

Sunday, October 27 – First was Stupid Watergate II, featuring Rudy Giuliani butt-dialing multiple reporters and House Republicans storming impeachment-inquiry hearings. We checked in with Brexit; I loved John’s comment about how quintessentially British it was to describe prolonged agonizing misery as both “boring” and “a victory.” John touched on the US takedown of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi (re: Trump, the soldiers in secret raids don’t go “knock-knock” on the front door “like normal people”) before pivoting to the main story on the withdrawal from Syria. Even though much of the information here was familiar to me, it really made me sad. The level of spin was astounding – “a few ISIS prisoners escaped and they were mostly caught” vs. “up to 100 escaped, and we don’t know where they are.” I also liked John’s point about how dangerous an outside crisis could prove, given how badly Trump handled a mess of his own making.

Monday, October 28 – First up was the news that China might be spying on us through TikTok (to learn our dance moves?), a proposed change to the alphabet song, and a guy with “auto-brewery syndrome,” which ferments the yeast in his stomach (Trevor maintained that it wasn’t a syndrome but a superpower.) The big story was the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. I loved the joke that Trump’s press conference sounded like a guy interviewed on the local news who saw things going down – and of course, “a canine, or as I call it, a dog” (what??) Two-guest night. The first was Beto O’Rourke. I appreciated that he acknowledged his low poll numbers and spent more time talking about how Trump has let the country down than claiming that he’s The Only One who can beat Trump. The second guest was Michelle Yeoh, who dished on doing comedy in Last Christmas. I had no idea Emma Thompson wrote that movie, which gets me excited.

Tuesday, October 29 – We opened on Netflix offering faster playback speeds for more efficient binging (will HBO follow with a feature to skip the last season of Game of Thrones?), the revelation that an ISIS informant helped the U.S. identify al-Baghdadi’s remains through DNA in a pair of stolen underwear, and the Philadelphia Flyers’ new “rage room.” Next was Alexander Vinman’s impeachment inquiry testimony, accompanied by Fox News implying that he’s a spy because he was born in the Ukraine. Loved Trevor’s point that Vinman was three when he came here; the ensuing riff on toddler spies was awesome. Good story on the California wildfires, noting the lopsided celebrity-focused nature of the people who are losing their homes (but still waiting for Arnold to save us.) Rapper Noname was the guest, discussing her new book club that was born on social media and taking issue with the notion that rappers “don’t read.”

Wednesday, October 30 – We started with Obama’s critique of “Twitter activism” (Trevor rightly pointed out important movements that began as hashtags.) We also covered the revelation that the “word-for-word” transcript of the Ukraine call left out crucial words, as well as an upcoming update to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” – I’m in favor of an update, but those lyrics are clunky. Next was a good piece on Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars. We of course got a montage of the judges berating Spicer’s dancing, and I liked the look at Spicer’s switch from “let’s put politics aside and just dance” to soliciting votes on Breitbart. Ronny did a bit on Halloween promotions, from a “haunted car wash” (I loved, “I have time to either wash my car or go to a haunted house, but not both!!”) to a “phantom” Starbucks drink. Senator Amy Klobuchar was the guest, outlining why she thinks she can win states that voted Trump in 2016.

Thursday, October 31 – Fun cold open, with Hillary Clinton telling Trevor and co. the “scary story” of the 2016 election. Next was the Washington Nationals’ World Series victory (in D.C., even drunken sports fans aren’t immune to politics,) followed by the House vote on the impeachment resolution and the forthcoming White House visit of the “hero canine” from the al-Baghdadi strike. We had an Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That on protests around the world. I especially liked the bits on Hong Kong (where police couldn’t tell protesters in masks from Halloween revelers) and Lebanon (where protesters soothed a scared kid with a rendition of “Baby Shark.”) Guests Hillary and Chelsea Clinton had two segments. They discussed their new book on “gutsy women” – I liked Chelsea’s comment that each brought other women along with them – and Hillary talked about being the “boogeyman” of the right.