A Few Thoughts on Cyrano and Hamilton

*Spoilers.*

I’ve been thinking a lot about Cyrano since I watched it, and in considering the various angles of the story, I found myself drawing parallels with Hamilton numerous times. This was unexpected, but I leaned into it and started teasing out more of these thoughts. They may wind up being mostly unconnected ramblings, but I wanted to write some of them down and see what comes out.

Despite being very different characters in execution, there are plenty of similarities between Cyrano and Hamilton. Obviously, both place great value on their way with words. Cyrano is a wit and poet who always puts his best word forward, and Hamilton “[writes] like [he’s] running out of time,” turning to the strength of his words whenever he’s in trouble. They’re both accomplished men who project a lot of confidence but also have deep insecurities that they endeavor to mask. Cyrano throws clever insults at himself before others have the chance to, and Hamilton’s forceful energy is a way of plowing past his doubts. Both have a great deal of pride, which can get them into trouble. Cyrano’s love for Roxanne is all-consuming, but he’s so convinced he’ll be rejected that he never makes a move, and Hamilton’s drive to prove himself to those who look down on him burns a lot of bridges, including in his family.

But for all of Cyrano’s Hamilton-like qualities, when it comes to Roxanne, his reluctance to act is more reminiscent of Burr. It’s not the same—Burr’s “wait for it” approach is a calculated stance to gain the most advantage by not committing to anything that’s not a sure thing—but it’s striking that Cyrano, who’s so bold in everything, holds back at the one thing that matters most to him. Le Bret tells him, “You forget, I’ve seen you in battle. You’re a fighter to the end. But in love, you’ve raised the white flag.”

Then, there’s Roxanne, who reminds me of both Angelica and Eliza in different ways. Her nimble mind and hunger for poetry bears a resemblance to Angelica’s intellectual sharpness, as is the clever way she navigates the uncertainties of life as a single woman. She knows how to respond to the Duke to keep him on the hook, playing the game to get what she wants without being trapped. But while Angelica is pragmatic enough to realize all the reasons why she can’t just marry for love, giving up the man she wants to secure stability for her family and happiness for her sister, Roxanne is also a romantic who refuses to marry someone she doesn’t love. Instead, she falls head over heels for a poor soldier and risks her situation with the Duke to write to him and arrange secret meetings; outwardly, she’s bolder than Eliza, but this leading with her heart is definitely a more Eliza-like attribute.

This final point might feel like a stretch, but it was the one that led into all my other Hamilton comparisons, so here we go. The subtle, dreamlike quality of Cyrano’s musical elements is really effective to me, the way the characters softly slide in and out of song, the way the ensemble can suddenly slip into dance without ever acknowledging that they’re part of a musical number. Because the music is fueled largely by Cyrano and Roxanne’s words, by their poetic thoughts, it struck me that their words are bringing the musical around them into being. And that made me think of Eliza talking about Hamilton’s letters to her in “Burn”: “You and your words flooded my senses. / Your sentences left me defenseless. / You built me palaces out of paragraphs, / You built cathedrals.” More directly, this could simply be a parallel for how Roxanne is affected by the letters Cyrano writes her on Christian’s behalf, but I also really like the idea that both of them are creating the musical with their poetry.

Neurodivergent (Headcanon) Alley: The Doctor (Doctor Who)

*Note: For pronouns, I’ll use they/them when talking about the Doctor in general, then he/him or she/her for specific regenerations.*

This is the first nonhuman character to show up on Neurodivergent Alley, but they won’t be the last. Personally, I’m not opposed to alien/robot/otherwise nonhuman characters being neurodivergent-coded if it’s done well and honestly. As I’ve been getting deeper into exploring my own mind and traits, I’ve naturally been spending a lot of time processing that through fiction and pop culture, as is my wont. I’ve been looking to neurodivergent folks online for direction on finding canon and (especially) headcanon autistic and/or ADHD characters, as well as looking back over various characters who’ve meant such a great deal to me over the years. And surprise, surprise, many that I’ve felt really strongly connected to? Just so happen to have a bunch of neurodivergent traits.

The Doctor is an interesting case, since they’re one continuous person but have also been many people over the course of their lives. As with my (Sort-Of) (Possible) Asexual Sighting for the Doctor, their neurodivergent traits look different depending on the regeneration, but 1) pretty much all of them ping for me in some respect, and 2) when you put all those various presentations across the regenerations, to me, they add up to someone that I’m definitely headcanoning as autistic and ADHD.

Obviously, there are certain traits that are common to all the Doctors. They’re brilliant but easily bored, continually seeking new adventures and living a life that’s far outside the realm of “normal” or “conventional.” They’re intensely interested in visiting new planets, discovering new things, and helping people. Although they rarely have more than two or three friends at once, the bonds they form with them are incredibly strong. They have a passion for justice and a tendency to question rules that are unfair, seem pointless, or simply don’t make sense to them. Their mind is often racing with a million things at once, processing complex problems at lightning speed as they take in all the information around them.

Each of the classic Doctors has their own particularities that work for them. There’s One’s bluntness, Five’s stubbornness, and Seven’s talent for working patterns. Two plays his recorder when he needs to think, Three has little use for authority figures and doesn’t hesitate to tell them so, and Eight giddily stims over how well his new shoes fit. Four is quite simply unexpected in the most delightful way, and Six doesn’t let anyone else’s opinion of him deter him from anything.

Then, of course, we have the new Who Doctors—I’m going to spend the brunt of this piece looking at them, because why not?

Nine can be blunt and dismissive towards those who don’t impress him, but he also has this honesty and intensity that, while off-putting to some, can be thrilling to those who are pulled into his orbit. When Rose asks him why he doesn’t “dance,” he’s focused on the problem at hand and awkwardly replies, “Rose, I’m trying to resonate concrete here.” He’s dealing with a lot of huge emotions as he struggles to process the trauma of the Time War, and he doesn’t always know how to handle that. But when he’s happy, his joy is pure and infectious.

Ten has bundles of energy and boundless enthusiasm for his companions, helping people, and new experiences. He explores the worlds around him in a very tactile, sensory way—in one scene, he licks a door to figure out what it’s been varnished with, and in another, he literally follows his nose in search of missing persons. When he gets going on his special interest, traveling the universe, he could talk for hours and never get tired. He’s more likely than the Doctors that follow him to be taken for simply “quirky,” but that can get him tangled up in social situations he isn’t always sure how to handle. He gets slippery at Rose’s tentative attempts to more clearly define their relationship, and he completely misses that Martha is into him.

Eleven has very little understanding of social cues, whether that’s being bewildered by Amy trying to kiss him, popping out of the cake at Rory’s stag night to explain that Amy kissed him, or not picking up on a single hint when a couple wants some alone time. He feels the most overtly ADHD of all the Doctors: even though he can hyperfocus intently, he gets excruciatingly bored when he’s forced to wait for something and will run around looking for absolutely anything to do. Shortly after his regeneration, he’s trying to figure out what foods he likes now—“new mouth, new rules”—and he cycles through a good half-dozen options before landing on his safe food of fish fingers and custard.

Twelve is exceptionally blunt and can be rude. He occasionally refers to humans as “pudding brains,” and although he’s actually very empathetic, he can struggle to express it in a way that other people recognize—Clara has to remind him not to get so visibly excited about an intriguing mystery when it’s one that people have already lost their lives over. He’s frank about telling you when he doesn’t like something, he often talks aloud to himself, and he gets obsessed when he’s trying to solve a particular problem. He’s the Doctor who seems to have the most difficult time navigating neurotypical society, both in recognizing the cues around him and in the way other people react to his autistic traits.

Side note: even though I don’t think the show intended it this way, you could view Eleven’s regeneration into Twelve as an analogy for unmasking. Especially in his early episodes, it’s clear that Clara doesn’t think of Twelve as the “proper” Doctor and tries to get him to conform to the way he used to be. Not that Eleven seems neurotypical by any stretch, but his neurodivergent traits present in ways that are often more palatable/acceptable to those around him.

Last, for now, is Thirteen. She’s honest about her “social awkwardness,” admitting when she doesn’t know what to say in certain situations. While this generally doesn’t bother her and she charges ahead regardless, it can make her anxious or uncertain at odd moments. She’s exuberant when it comes to describing things she loves, she gets super into tinkering/building stuff, and she can get fixated on deciding what word to use (“Gang? Team? Fam?”) She makes spectacular faces when she’s bored or unimpressed.

With any nonhuman character, autistic-coded traits in particular can sometimes be explained as a result of the character not being human: their ways are literally not our ways, so they might take things overly literally, be unaware of social cues, etc. And again, as long as it’s done well, I don’t mind that. Metaphorical autistic characters are fine with me! But with the Doctor, I want to note that they don’t really fit into their own society either. Stealing a TARDIS and running off to see the universe, and especially “interfering” by helping other people, is completely antithetical to everything Time Lord society is about, but the Doctor couldn’t live any other way. Not to mention, they’re canonically brilliant but barely managed to scrape a passing grade at the Academy, which is big AuDHD energy.

The Doctor couldn’t abide the societal expectations of their world, so they created a radically different new life for themselves where they’re constantly feeding their desire for curiosity and their strong need for justice, all while cultivating a found family in the process. You love to see it, and I can’t wait to discover what all that looks like in the next Doctor!

Asexual Sighting: Elijah (Big Mouth)

*Elijah-related spoilers.*

I enjoyed Missy’s plot with Elijah throughout season 6 of Big Mouth, but my spidey senses started tingling around the middle of the season. I thought, “Wait, are they gonna go there? On Big Mouth?”, and when I saw the title of episode 8, my brain started running around yelling, “This is not a drill!” A new heteromantic asexual has entered the chat, people! There are so few ace and ace-coded characters out there that it’s really special whenever I come across one “in the wild,” rather than seek out a story specifically because I already heard there was an asexual character in it.

Being horny has always been a major part of Missy’s character—she’s been reading The Rock of Gibraltar and having steamy fantasies about Nathan Fillion since season 1—so it’s no surprise that, when she first encounters Elijah, she’s focused on how good-looking he is. And when she discovers from his social media that he’s a devout Christian, she only finds him more enticing. “I feel like Fleabag going after the Hot Priest!” she tells her Hormone Monster Mona.

For much of the season, this aspect of their interactions is a source of both sexy tension and awkward maneuvering for Missy. She doesn’t want Elijah to think she’s a “slut” because she’s more sexually curious than he is and has some experience with boys, and she doesn’t want to scare him away by moving too fast for him. But at the same time, she digs the “forbidden fruit” angle and enjoys imagining Regency romance-style scenarios for them.

Elijah being a Christian who’s super into youth group would have made a relationship between him and Missy tricky enough on its own. But Elijah’s feelings about physical affection don’t stem solely from being taught about “purity” and “temptation” from an early age. When Missy suggests they try “dancing without leaving room for Jesus,” his discomfort ultimately doesn’t stem from its supposed sinfulness; rather, he’s uncomfortable because he doesn’t like it.

At that point in the show, Elijah doesn’t have a Hormone Monster of his own and talks to Jesus instead, urging Him to “cut in” on their dancing and getting anxious when Jesus sees no reason to intervene. When Missy asks if his religious beliefs are the reason he’s uncomfortable dancing so close to her, he plainly states, “It’s not God, Missy, it’s me. I just, I don’t think I’m ready.” However, he doesn’t understand why that is, not yet.

I first started to specifically hope that Elijah was ace during episode 6, “The Apple Brooch.” There, he and Missy have an indirect conversation about masturbating by using “gardening” imagery as a euphemism (we’d previously seen his youth pastor singing a song called “Don’t Touch Your Flower.”) When Missy asks how he manages to “keep [his] seed in [his] bag,” Elijah admits, “I don’t know, I just do. It’s not hard for me.” It hasn’t escaped his notice that everyone else at school seems “obsessed with ‘gardening,’” and he breaks the fourth wall to ask, “Like, what am I even doing on this show?”

It comes to a head in episode 8—with its title, “Asexual Healing,” I knew my hopes were going to be validated, and they were, in a pretty lovely way! Elijah takes center stage for the episode. His Hormone Monsters appear, but they get frustrated as they try to figure out what he’s into. The only “hand stuff” he likes is holding Missy’s hand, and when he asks Jay about what being horny is supposed to feel like, he realizes that he’s never felt that. He doesn’t have words for any of this, though, and doesn’t understand it—certainly, no one he’s looking to for advice understands it. But by good fortune, he discovers near the end of the episode that he has an insightful ace auntie who recognizes some of her own experiences in him. It is healing to hear him ask hopefully, “So there’s nothing wrong with me? Maybe I’m just asexual?” That doesn’t solve everything for Elijah, because he quickly starts wondering about coming out to Missy and worries that she might break up with him once she knows he doesn’t want to go any further than holding hands. But in that moment, I love that learning about asexuality is both a light bulb moment and a source of relief for him.

Like Elijah, I grew up in a very religious home. I got the “sex talk” at a fairly young age and went, “No sex before marriage? No problem!” I didn’t have any trouble “resisting temptation,” because I wasn’t experiencing any temptation. In some ways, my upbringing was helpful to me as an unaware ace person, since I never considered trying a physical encounter that I wasn’t comfortable with. On the other hand, I think it also contributed to me not figuring out I was aroace until my mid-20s; apart from simply not knowing it was a thing you could be, I assumed that I was “just” religious and didn’t start interrogating my lack of desire for a long time.

As such, this is a pretty personal character for me, and I appreciate how sensitively the show handles Elijah’s story. While it definitely makes fun of some of the religious teachings he’s exposed to, it doesn’t belittle his private beliefs, and it thoughtfully acknowledges the confusion that can arise when you’re easily behaving how you’ve been taught to act and then you look around at your peers and discover that it’s “supposed” to be hard. For a series that’s messy, awkward, and ultimately sex positive, I love that the show recognizes there’s a place for asexuals within that.