Neurodivergent (Headcanon) Alley: Peter Parker (Spider-Man)

*MCU Spider-Man spoilers.*

As I’ve looked over my various fandoms for characters who resonate as neurodivergent, I haven’t gotten too deep into Marvel yet. I’m sure a fair number of characters will pop up in my mind eventually, because once you start looking, it’s easy to see that neurodivergent-coded characters are a lot more prevalent than you might at first assume. (And I would bet that plenty of it is unintentional—I can imagine there are lots of undiagnosed neurodivergent writers and/or actors out there, incorporating relatable traits into their characters without necessarily recognizing that.) At any rate, when I did a cursory rifle through my MCU mental filing cabinet, the first character that really jumped out at me was one Peter Parker.

Now, this may simply be a product of the MCU interpretation of Spider-Man leaning hard into the “superpowered teenager is easily distracted and reckless” angle, but Peter definitely reads as ADHD to me. The stress of being a kid juggling a secret identity can contribute to this—all the Spider-Man franchises feature scenes where Spider-Man misses something important or flakes on errands he said he’d do because he gets held up fighting a bad guy, and Ms. Marvel has some of this flavor too—but the MCU Spider-Man films show that this is not just about having too many conflicting responsibilities.

Yes, Peter has a ton going on. His head is also constantly going a million places at once. Whether it’s making web fluid in a desk drawer during chemistry or editing videos for his Spider-Man YouTube channel during math, he’s frequently doing at least two different things at any given time. He’s a smart kid who often manages to get by anyway—in that math class scene, he’s totally called out by the teacher for not paying attention, but he’s able to look up at the board and quickly figure out the answer to the question. But in a way, being able to camouflage those issues with attention can actually be a hindrance, because it lets him assume he’ll always be able to compensate, and the times when he can’t are often when the stakes are highest.

Peter is also definitely impulsive. He throws himself into all kinds of dangerous situations without a plan: he only survives his first encounter with the Vulture because Tony saves him, he accidentally gets himself locked inside a Damage Control facility with no way to escape or let people know where he is, and he manages to hitch a ride onto one of Thanos’s spaceships, something that Tony is obviously not cool with. And when it comes to less immediate, less adrenaline-fueled situations, he can still do some pretty ill-advised stuff without thinking, like when he decides to hand control of Tony’s E.D.I.T.H. network over to Quentin Beck or when he keeps interrupting Doctor Strange’s spell to make people forget his identity, screwing up the whole multiverse in the process.

And let’s be real: the boy cannot sit still. His most ADHD scene of all time probably comes when he’s trapped inside the Damage Control facility in Homecoming. There are no bad guys for him to fight here, but there’s also not much he can practically do to escape until morning, so Peter is left mostly on his own with only the AI in his suit for company. While he waits, Peter makes a hammock out of webs, gives his AI a name (Karen,) takes a refresher course on the different types of webs his Stark-tech suit can produce, makes a jump rope out of webs, and discusses with Karen whether or not he should tell his crush he’s Spider-Man. He then discovers that only 37 minutes have passed and is utterly gobsmacked. This is the most prominent example, but we see Peter’s hyperactivity all over, like when he talks a zillion miles a second recounting his Civil War experiences for his video diary or when he bounces on his motel room bed while Ned examines his suit tech.

Peter’s ADHD traits can make things hard for him, in both “regular” life and superhero life, but they can also come in handy. He’s creative and can come up with outside-the-box solutions in high-pressure situations, and when the people he cares about are in danger, he’s able to hyperfocus, doing absolutely everything it takes to keep them safe. He’s also caring and compassionate. When villains from other universes start bleeding through to his, Peter wants to send them back where they came from—you know, so the multiverse doesn’t collapse—but he wants to try and help them first, hoping that if he addresses the physiological accidents that gave them their powers, they might be able to avoid their fates back home.

Relationship Spotlight: MJ & Peter (Spider-Man)

*Spoilers.*

I’ll be honest: I didn’t do a Relationship Spotlight for these two after Far from Home because they’d only just gotten together toward the end of the movie, and after No Way Home, I only had eyes for the three Spider-Men. But I’m circling back around now because I like this version of MJ a lot, and Peter’s relationship with her is a lot of fun.

Peter and MJ have had a different sort of relationship journey throughout the MCU. She hasn’t been The One for him from the first moment of Homecoming, and once they do get together, their relationship is very tied up in Peter’s role as Spider-Man—not to mention, this version of MJ is pretty different than what we’re used to. But their dynamic is interesting and enjoyable to watch.

In Homecoming, MJ is nearly a periphery character—or at least she would be if she weren’t played by Zendaya—and Peter spends most of the film obsessed with Liz. In turn, though, MJ is a little obsessed with him, in a totally obvious but offbeat way. She just sort of turns up where he is around school, but instead of confidently flirting or getting flustered/tongue-eyed, she mostly delivers some deadpan snark and plays it cool. We also see that she’s tuned into Peter in a way that a lot of the other kids aren’t: since becoming Spider-Man, he’s given up most of his extracurriculars, a fact that only she picks up on. She puts it down to her observant nature, rather than any personal investment she has in him, but the lady doth protest too much.

We don’t see how or why Peter comes to develop a crush on MJ, but by the time Far from Home starts, he’s all aboard the “how do I get with MJ?” train. It’s cute that he very specifically likes her weirdness, planning to get her a dahlia necklace, which is her favorite flower “because of the murders.” He’s lying to her about his identity, because he’s lying about that to most people, but when it comes to wanting to date her, he’s into her for who she is, not for who he’s built her up in his head to be.

Because he’s Peter and superhero business just follows him around, a lot gets in the way before he’s able to confess his feelings to MJ… which is then undercut because she assumes he’s about to tell her that he’s Spider-Man. See, her powers of observation about the boy she likes have uncovered more than she expected. But somehow, eventually, between drone-induced holographic attacks, they make it work.

Once they become a couple, MJ is a grounding influence for Peter. I like that he’s excited to take her web-slinging and she completely freaks out, letting him know that she’s in no hurry to do that again. For her, it’s not a heroic/romantic way to impress her—it’s just throttling through the air across the city with only his webs to keep them from splatting on the pavement. And when Peter’s secret identity is exposed and his life turns upside down, he’s able to feel his most normal in the moments where he can sneak away with MJ. She’s not intimidated by the public knowing that she’s “Spider-Man’s girlfriend,” and she stands by Peter through the media firestorm, making fun of the tabloid nonsense being printed about him.

Like most Spider-Men, Peter wants to keep MJ away from his superhero duties for her own safety, but when she makes it clear that she’s not leaving him to do all of it alone, he’s mostly able to respect that. He still has moments where he pulls away, but he lets her in enough to help—I love watching MJ and Ned work together “behind the lines,” so to speak, in No Way Home, two non-powered people who love Peter trying to give him a hand in any way they can.

Which is why it’s so dispiriting when, after being forced to remove his secret identity from everyone’s memory, Peter doesn’t keep his promise to find MJ (and Ned) to tell her the truth. I understand why he backs down—Peter spends a lot of time trying to protect others, and he gets it in his head that both of them are better off without being tangled up in his Spider-Man life—but he’s still going expressly against MJ’s wishes before she lost her memories of him. I’m apprehensive about how the franchise will move forward with this relationship, because if Peter and MJ do end up making a second go of it, 1) I need MJ to learn what went down with this whole thing, and 2) I need her to have time and space to be properly upset about it. This wasn’t cool, Peter, and I want you to have to reckon with that.

A Few Thoughts on Peter Parker (Spider-Man: No Way Home)

*Full and complete spoilage for No Way Home. This is your warning.*

Okay, I promised more spoilery thoughts on No Way Home, and that begins today! I have stuff about the overall plot that I want to talk about, like particular beats of the story and how particular characters were or weren’t served by the plot, but all that’s going to have to wait. Because everything I most want to say about No Way Home is on a very particular subject, and I knew my desire to talk about it would easily fill a whole post. Today is about one thing and one thing only: Spider. Men!

That’s right—the title of the post is “A Few Thoughts on Peter Parker,” to avoid spoilers, but in actual fact, this is a Relationship Spotlight for Peter Parker, Peter Parker, and Peter Parker. Just beginning with a little on my own feelings/reactions before I get into the meat of their dynamic in the movie. First, even though I was, like, 98% sure that Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield were going to be in it, I was glad that I managed to avoid any spoilers confirming they were in it. The second Ned opens that portal to Spider-Man and it’s not immediately obvious that it’s Tom Holland, I was in heaven. While I went into the film excited about the 98%-sure prospect of seeing the former Spider-Men appearing, I think I underestimated just how much it would mean to me to see all three Peters onscreen together like this. But enough about me: onto the Relationship Spotlight!

(Note: For the sake of clarity, I’m just going to refer to the different Peters as Tom, Tobey, and Andrew. It’s so much easier!)

No Way Home isn’t a perfect movie, and there are definitely things I take issue with, but everything about the three Spider-Men is everything I never knew I wanted. Right from when Andrew first steps through the portal, begrudgingly letting Ned and MJ badger him to prove that he’s really Spider-Man, to the lovely hug between the three of them at the end, I had the biggest, dumbest grin on my face. The hits just kept on coming, moment after moment. Andrew saving MJ, getting choked up as he asks her if she’s okay. The morbid curiosity over Tobey's organic web-shooting. Tobey getting Andrew to call himself "amazing." Andrew cleaning cobwebs off the ceiling and later saying, "Sorry, lola," to Ned's grandma. Tobey looking like a “cool youth pastor.” Neither Tobey nor Andrew knowing who the Avengers are (it kills me how excitedly Andrew asks Tom if he’s in a band, like that would be cooler than any of them being superheroes.) Tobey's conversation with Otto. Andrew being sympathetic to Max's disappointment that he’s not Black. "With great power comes great responsibility." All of this is the right kind of fan service: backed up by the story (instead of just being shoehorned in) and, even more importantly, done with love. These aren't just cheap callbacks to manipulate fans, the people who made this movie genuinely care about all three live-action franchises.

I like the way that each of them is very clearly Peter Parker while also being somewhat distinct from the other two—this is just one of ways I was reminded of a multi-Doctor special from Doctor Who. It really helps in that regard that they’re not Peter Parker at the same point in his life. In their respective universes, Tobey did become Spider-Man in the early 2000s, Andrew in the early 2010s. This means they’re both older and more experienced than Tom, and in a way they all act a bit like long-lost brothers to one another. Tom is the youngest, prone to impulsive/excitable dumb decisions but still a kid with a decent head on his shoulders, one who desperately wants to do what’s right and feels the heavy weight of that responsibility when things go wrong. Tobey is the oldest, someone who’s mellowed with time and seems to have found a way to bring balance to his life. He’s understatedly comfortable in his skin and his relationships, and he offers slightly-hokey but sincere advice to the other two. That leaves Andrew in the middle, someone who lost himself in his guilt over Gwen’s death but has fought to regain himself. He sells himself short compared to the other two, but he’s filled with compassion and regard, quietly longing for Tobey’s stability while urging Tom not to make his mistakes.

One way that the three Peters are very unlike multiple regenerations of the Doctor getting together is that there’s basically no squabbling or jockeying for position. Instead, it’s all mutual support and admiration. Whether it’s about confronting villains, dealing with emotional turmoil, or just commiserating over back pain, these Peters are in each other’s corners. Even when they literally assign each other numbers to keep track of who’s who, there are moments when they’re confused about who has what number, but no one makes the order into an ego thing.

In a way, the relationship between the three Spider-Man is a wonderful distillation of everything Peter Parker is. It’s just so nice that these other two are there to help Tom through such a challenging time, that we get to see a Tobey who’s found a way to make it all work, and that Andrew seems to have found some healing he’s been needing for a long time. Wenwu is still my Marvel MVP of 2021, but this trio of Peter Parkers is something real special, a great reminder of why I’ve always been a Spider-Man fan.