Asexual Sighting: Sarah Owens a.k.a. O (Sex Education)

*O-related spoilers.*

In season 2 of Sex Education, the show introduces an asexual character named Florence. She’s only in a few episodes, and the one story where she’s featured is about her learning about asexuality and coming to realize that she’s ace. I don’t say any of that to sell Florence short—I think the show does a pretty lovely job with her spotlight episode. But she is a minor character in the grand scheme of things.

In season 4, though, we meet another asexual character, O. She gets a lot more focus, a lot more characterization, and multiple stories that aren’t just about her sexuality. It’s great to see the show introduce a second ace character and feature them more heavily, and really, it’s kind of neat that O has nothing to do with Florence. I think this might be the first show I’ve seen with more than one unrelated ace character—for instance, on BoJack Horseman, they bring in first Yolanda and later Maude as potential girlfriends for Todd. I like that O isn’t created specifically as an asexual friend/confidante for Florence, and that they don’t come as a matched set. (Of course, Florence is no longer on the show by season 4.)

Anyway, long-winded introductions aside, let’s talk about O! When we first meet her, it’s as a rival for Otis. After Moordale loses its funding and closes down, Otis, along with a number of his classmates, head to Cavendish for their final year of sixth form. Otis is eager to start a new sex therapy clinic there, but he’s taken aback when he learns that Cavendish already has a student counselor to help classmates with their relationship and sex problems. O has an inviting office, an organized appointment schedule managed electronically, and snacks on hand for her clients. She has an online presence where she gives tutorials for teens about different sex-related topics.

In short, Otis sees her as an immediate threat. He at first assumes she’s just drawing students in with her amenities, but it quickly becomes clear that she knows her stuff just as well as he does. As Otis and O realize the school isn’t big enough for two student counselors, they embark on a contentious election campaign to decide which one of them can stay on. It’s at their pre-election debate that Otis, with Ruby’s help, reveals some dirt they dug up on O, the revelation that she’s ghosted multiple students in previous relationships.

That’s how it comes out that O is asexual. She explains, “I really enjoyed the friendships of the people I ghosted, I really did. But when it started to move into something more intimate, I just—I felt really overwhelmed and uncomfortable.” O is a slick character, one who curates her image and reputation very carefully, and she spends much of the season easily beating the awkward, socially clumsy Otis in the court of public opinion. This might be the biggest example of the season—O comes out of the debate as the brave young woman who stood up and told the student body who she really is, while Otis is the jerk who outed her (unintentionally, as he knew about the ghosting but not her sexuality.)

I like that O is conniving and kind of two-faced, that she puts on a very polished face to the world and uses that to get one over on other people. It doesn’t make her a “likable” character, but it makes her a compelling one, and I like how we see that her experience with her aceness is informed by those aspects of her. O finally tells Otis the full story when the two of them get stuck in a lift together. She admits, “I’d already started feeling like something wasn’t normal. The other girls were talking about boys and kisses and crushes and…. There was so much pressure to behave a particular way.” In fact, it’s her asexuality, coupled with her desperate desire to fit in, that led her down the path of becoming a sex therapist in the first place. She became driven to learn as much as she could about sex/relationships, in an attempt to “pretend to be like everyone else,” and once she realized how useful her knowledge could be to other teens, she started her online channel and in-person clinic.

However, while sex therapy gains O respect online and at school, and students eagerly sign up for sessions with her so they can get help, her success winds up trapping her in a position where she feels like she can’t come out. “I mean, who wants to have sex advice from someone who doesn’t have sex?” she remarks. O is very proficient at creating the image she wants people to have of her, even if it means stepping on others to do so, but the end result is a lonely one.

Again, she’s a really interesting character. She has her sympathetic side, but that doesn’t negate the harmful things she does to other characters, and I like watching someone who’s so focused on ger own goals wind up shortchanging herself in another crucial way. Further points to the show for including some smaller details about the asexual community. O uses the actual word “ace,” which doesn’t get a lot of play on TV, and I love the fact that she wears a black ring, a popular symbol in the ace community. It’s the little things that make a difference!

Oh, and I mentioned this in my Other Doctor Lives reviews, but O is played by Thaddea Graham, who I loved as Bel during the Flux storyline of Doctor Who. Score!

Asexual Sighting: Elijah (Big Mouth)

*Elijah-related spoilers.*

I enjoyed Missy’s plot with Elijah throughout season 6 of Big Mouth, but my spidey senses started tingling around the middle of the season. I thought, “Wait, are they gonna go there? On Big Mouth?”, and when I saw the title of episode 8, my brain started running around yelling, “This is not a drill!” A new heteromantic asexual has entered the chat, people! There are so few ace and ace-coded characters out there that it’s really special whenever I come across one “in the wild,” rather than seek out a story specifically because I already heard there was an asexual character in it.

Being horny has always been a major part of Missy’s character—she’s been reading The Rock of Gibraltar and having steamy fantasies about Nathan Fillion since season 1—so it’s no surprise that, when she first encounters Elijah, she’s focused on how good-looking he is. And when she discovers from his social media that he’s a devout Christian, she only finds him more enticing. “I feel like Fleabag going after the Hot Priest!” she tells her Hormone Monster Mona.

For much of the season, this aspect of their interactions is a source of both sexy tension and awkward maneuvering for Missy. She doesn’t want Elijah to think she’s a “slut” because she’s more sexually curious than he is and has some experience with boys, and she doesn’t want to scare him away by moving too fast for him. But at the same time, she digs the “forbidden fruit” angle and enjoys imagining Regency romance-style scenarios for them.

Elijah being a Christian who’s super into youth group would have made a relationship between him and Missy tricky enough on its own. But Elijah’s feelings about physical affection don’t stem solely from being taught about “purity” and “temptation” from an early age. When Missy suggests they try “dancing without leaving room for Jesus,” his discomfort ultimately doesn’t stem from its supposed sinfulness; rather, he’s uncomfortable because he doesn’t like it.

At that point in the show, Elijah doesn’t have a Hormone Monster of his own and talks to Jesus instead, urging Him to “cut in” on their dancing and getting anxious when Jesus sees no reason to intervene. When Missy asks if his religious beliefs are the reason he’s uncomfortable dancing so close to her, he plainly states, “It’s not God, Missy, it’s me. I just, I don’t think I’m ready.” However, he doesn’t understand why that is, not yet.

I first started to specifically hope that Elijah was ace during episode 6, “The Apple Brooch.” There, he and Missy have an indirect conversation about masturbating by using “gardening” imagery as a euphemism (we’d previously seen his youth pastor singing a song called “Don’t Touch Your Flower.”) When Missy asks how he manages to “keep [his] seed in [his] bag,” Elijah admits, “I don’t know, I just do. It’s not hard for me.” It hasn’t escaped his notice that everyone else at school seems “obsessed with ‘gardening,’” and he breaks the fourth wall to ask, “Like, what am I even doing on this show?”

It comes to a head in episode 8—with its title, “Asexual Healing,” I knew my hopes were going to be validated, and they were, in a pretty lovely way! Elijah takes center stage for the episode. His Hormone Monsters appear, but they get frustrated as they try to figure out what he’s into. The only “hand stuff” he likes is holding Missy’s hand, and when he asks Jay about what being horny is supposed to feel like, he realizes that he’s never felt that. He doesn’t have words for any of this, though, and doesn’t understand it—certainly, no one he’s looking to for advice understands it. But by good fortune, he discovers near the end of the episode that he has an insightful ace auntie who recognizes some of her own experiences in him. It is healing to hear him ask hopefully, “So there’s nothing wrong with me? Maybe I’m just asexual?” That doesn’t solve everything for Elijah, because he quickly starts wondering about coming out to Missy and worries that she might break up with him once she knows he doesn’t want to go any further than holding hands. But in that moment, I love that learning about asexuality is both a light bulb moment and a source of relief for him.

Like Elijah, I grew up in a very religious home. I got the “sex talk” at a fairly young age and went, “No sex before marriage? No problem!” I didn’t have any trouble “resisting temptation,” because I wasn’t experiencing any temptation. In some ways, my upbringing was helpful to me as an unaware ace person, since I never considered trying a physical encounter that I wasn’t comfortable with. On the other hand, I think it also contributed to me not figuring out I was aroace until my mid-20s; apart from simply not knowing it was a thing you could be, I assumed that I was “just” religious and didn’t start interrogating my lack of desire for a long time.

As such, this is a pretty personal character for me, and I appreciate how sensitively the show handles Elijah’s story. While it definitely makes fun of some of the religious teachings he’s exposed to, it doesn’t belittle his private beliefs, and it thoughtfully acknowledges the confusion that can arise when you’re easily behaving how you’ve been taught to act and then you look around at your peers and discover that it’s “supposed” to be hard. For a series that’s messy, awkward, and ultimately sex positive, I love that the show recognizes there’s a place for asexuals within that.

Asexual Sighting: Florence (Sex Education)

*Florence-related spoilers.*

I didn’t mention Florence when I was reviewing Sex Education for Other Doctor Lives because 1) she’s a very minor character, only appearing in three episodes of the show, and 2) I knew I wanted to get into talking about her here. Given the exceedingly wide array of sexual orientations, attitudes, and idiosyncrasies displayed on the show, I appreciate that that variety extended to asexuality.

Florence shows up in season 2, in the storyline where Jackson joins the school play. She’s the Juliet to his Romeo, and while the majority of her episode appearances are brief, focused much more on Jackson than her, she gets her own spotlight subplot in the fourth episode of the season.

Now, Florence is passionate about acting, at one point declaring, “I’m the best actor in this school. I’m basically Meryl Streep, but young and Scottish.” It’s unsurprising that she’s super into playing Juliet and is mainly concerned about whether jock Jackson’s performance is going to bring her down. But then she’s criticized in rehearsals—Lily, who adapted the script, complains, “Florence, this is a play about horny teenagers. I don’t believe you want to have sex with him at all.”

This remark, combined with comments from her peers about being too “picky,” brings Florence’s secret concerns to a head. She tries to discuss it with Otis, but he overidentifies with her in the wrong ways. Because he’s also a virgin and is preparing to have sex with his girlfriend for the first time, he hears Florence saying she doesn’t want to have sex and takes that to mean, like him, that she’s nervous about having sex or doesn’t know if she’s ready. But they’re not the same. While Otis has a lot of hangups and baggage about sex that are getting in the way for him, he does want to have sex. Florence doesn’t.

Luckily for Florence, this is the season where Jean is at the school, ostensibly writing a new sex ed curriculum but also talking with the students about their sexual problems and questions. Florence shares what’s going on, admitting, “I don’t want to have sex ever, with anyone. I think I might be broken.” First and foremost, Jean listens, and then she offers her own knowledge and experience to help Florence understand herself, asking her if she’s heard of asexuality.

Given the circumstances, it’s very Asexuality 101, but it’s done well. Jean explains that aceness is an orientation just like any other, and she tells Florence a little about romantic orientation, assuring her that it’s perfectly natural to not want sex but still want romance.

That word, “natural,” is key. Above all else, Jean reassures Florence that there’s nothing wrong with being ace. By the end of their conversation, Jean calls back to her initial admission, asking, “Sex doesn’t make us whole, and so how could you ever be broken?” That kind of gentle, matter-of-fact acceptance and affirmation is beautiful to see.

Although she’s only a very small part of the show, I still appreciate Florence’s inclusion. The series is swimming in hormones and horniness, which makes her feel entirely like the odd one out, so it’s wonderful to have her discover who she is with the help of an understanding adult like Jean. And honestly, I like that she’s so into acting as well. There’s sometimes a perception that an asexual life is sad and empty, but in my experience, aces take our lack of sexual attraction and fill it with a passion for so many other things. I love reading, watching movies/TV, and writing. I love cooking and crafting, and I love music. I love my cats. I have a rich, full life that isn’t the least diminished for being ace. That’s what I want for Florence, too.