As an asexual, I’ve probably thought more about parsing out different types of attraction than most. That might seem paradoxical, but it’s true – because sex is such a major part of attraction for most people, taking that out of the equation can offer a clearer vantage on its other strands and I’m able to separate it into its various categories. Since I’m also aromantic, romantic attraction isn’t a factor either. So, my chief types of attraction emerge as aesthetic attraction and platonic attraction, which are often linked but not intrinsically so. As I said in a recent post, turning to my various platonic crushes in fandom have helped me cope with some of the stress and anxiety of 2020/2021, and it’s got me thinking about the extent to which aesthetic attraction factors into my thoughts.
Aesthetic attraction, to put it simply, is liking and appreciating the way someone looks. For a lot of people, aesthetic attraction frequently goes hand in hand with sexual attraction. Back before I knew I was asexual, I took my aesthetic attraction as proof that I was sexual, mostly straight. When I saw a good-looking person and thought, “Ooh, that’s nice,” I assumed that other people reacted in a similar way. In short, I thought that that was sexual attraction, and I wondered why so many people seemed so preoccupied with it. “Sheesh, it’s not that big a deal, people!”
Little did I know, I wasn’t on the same playing field as those people. It took me a long time to realize that my reactions were different because I wasn’t reacting to the same thing. When I’d watch an interview on YouTube with, say, Tom Hiddleston, I’d think, “He’s so talented, I like his handsome profile and his voice is lovely,” and meanwhile, the comments would be full of, “omg take me now.” It wasn’t that my reaction was more “measured” or “mature” – rather, Tom Hiddleston very physically didn’t “do it” for me like he did for countless fans, despite me loving his talents, his profile, and his voice.
To stick with MCU examples, these are maybe the clearest ways I can distinguish between aesthetic and sexual attraction, at least for me. 1) Chris Hemsworth is an objectively good-looking man, no two ways about it, and I’m all for that. However, a Thor movie has never become demonstratively “better” for me because of him taking his shirt off. And as a corollary, 2) never in my life have I noticed when Chris Evans has not taken his shirt off in a Captain America movie. I guess that’s a thing, people lamenting the lack of shirtless Cap? If I hadn’t heard people talking about it online, it never ever would’ve occurred to me.
And yet, I know aesthetic attraction factors into the characters/actors I’m drawn to. I mean, take a quick gander at some of the platonic crushes I’ve had over the years.
Clearly, I’m not oblivious.
Some of this is just the industry, the fact that 85+% of actors are some flavor of ridiculously good-looking, and being attractive certainly helps open up doors for actors to get meatier roles that show off their talent in compelling ways. Finding a good-looking actor in Hollywood is like shooting fish in a barrel, is what I’m saying. There are also plenty of actors/characters who are clearly good-looking that don’t really catch my interest. Maybe the acting is more wooden, maybe the character doesn’t draw me in, maybe the actor’s personality is unappealing. I get a lot of secondary aesthetic attraction, whereby a person/character becomes more or less good-looking to me based on what I think of them as a person/character. This happens to me often with TV shows – a particular character won’t interest me much early on, and the actor’s looks won’t wow me, but as I get more invested in their storyline or the actor displays more of their acting skills, they’ll become more attractive to me.
But that’s not all of it, right? To what extent do an actor’s looks factor into whether they catch my eye? Would I be buying rare DVDs of Tony Leung Chiu-wai movies from other continents with dubious subtitles if he wasn’t one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen in my life? On Supergirl, Brainy was great in season 3, but he didn’t become my favorite character after Kara until season 4, when he spent most of the time looking like Jesse Rath and not covered in blue makeup. Diego Luna is endlessly fantastic on Narcos: Mexico, but would I have spent so much of the last week watching late-night interviews with him on YouTube if it weren’t for his eyes, hair, and accent? How much does it matter to me that Taika Waititi has great hair, that Daveed Diggs has a smile like sunshine, that Henry Golding has charisma for days?
As someone who isn’t interested in sex or romance, that’s a really intriguing question to me. How much do I like these actors because I admire their work or enjoy their personalities, and how much of it is pure aesthetics? As an aro ace, I have to be careful sometimes about not getting too high-minded about the people I’m into, about not falling into the trap of thinking that my fandom is more “informed” or “enlightened” because it’s not motivated by sexual/romantic attraction. Whenever I edge too close to that line of thinking, I would do well to remember that, back in the day, my favorite characters on Lost were Sayid, Sun, Jin, Desmond, and Richard. I mean:
So yes. I don’t know how much sway it holds, but there’s definitely a part of my brain that’s ruled by my eyes.
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