"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, February 15, 2020

News Satire Roundup: February 10th-February 13th


Monday, February 10 – First was the Oscars, covering the calls for diversity and Parasite’s big wins. We also got quick blurbs on the coronavirus – a woman on the quarantined cruise ship insisting that “at least the Americans on board” receive help was beyond the pale – and airlines trying to crack down on people watching porn on planes. Good story on other candidates gunning for Pete Buttigieg, juxtaposed with Joe Biden doing a good job of going after himself by continuing to pick fights with voters. I laughed at the fake Biden ad telling voters to just f- off. Ronny headed to New Hampshire to see if they were ready for the primary. The governor was happy to tout the state’s preparedness, less interested in answering how he planned to gloat at Iowa. The guest, author Tochi Onyebuchi, questioned labeling his new book as a dystopia when the dangers in the characters’ lives involve what Black people currently experience in America.

Tuesday, February 11 – Opening blurbs on China being behind the Equifax hack (I liked Trevor puzzling over them hacking Mariott too – “We’re all just three minibar Toblorones away from ruin!”), a school fundraiser that backfired when Disney sent them a bill for showing The Lion King, and the “Valentine’s Day gift” of naming a cockroach after your ex and watching a zookeeper feed it to a lizard. With the primary, Michael came by to discuss the subtly-different shades of whiteness between Iowa and New Hampshire – I love that the collective noun is a “gluten” of white people. Ronny reported on xenophobic reactions to the coronavirus. The shot of white people at the airport pulling their shirts over their noses while sitting next to Asians was gross. Rapper Wale was the guest. After discussing having both Obama and Jerry Seinfeld as fans, he performed a couple songs from his new album.

Wednesday, February 12 – We opened on Jussie Smollett (good point on him being indicted for calling the cops about a fake crime while “Permit Pattys” get no legal consequences,) the DOJ overruling Roger Stone’s recommended sentencing (it floors me that Trump insisted he “has an absolute right” to get involved but so totally didn’t,) and a sub hitting the Titanic wreckage. Results from New Hampshire, featuring lots of Amy Klobuchar puns from news anchors. I loved Trevor likening Joe Biden’s campaign to a Madea movie: “if Black people don’t turn up, it’s toast.” With Andrew Yang dropping out, Ronny interviewed a family that Yang tested his freedom dividend with. Ronny, hoping for some free-money flexing, was disappointed to hear the money mostly went to tuition and groceries. The guest was Lakeith Stanfield; I loved the collection of photos of him doing his own thing on the red carpet (like wearing a ski mask!)

Thursday, February 13 – I loved Trevor’s annoyance at newcasters describing the sheet of ice that broke off of an Antarctica glacier as “three times the size of Paris.” We also covered a few things captured on film: an a-hole repeatedly punching the back of a woman’s reclined seat on a plane and an urban nature shot of two mice fighting in the London underground (Trevor figured that if the guy that had been shooting in New York, “the rats would’ve beat his ass and stolen his camera!”) Good story on Michael Bloomberg’s resurfaced comments about Stop ‘n’ Frisk, a.k.a. treating Black people like “crime piñatas.” The whole “that was five years ago!” non-apology was gross. Roy did another Black History Month piece on performers on the Chitlin’ Circuit who were barred from segregated music halls. Guest Nick Kroll discussed his new movie filmed at the 2018 Olympics before sharing a little about the origins of Big Mouth.

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