"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Saturday, March 9, 2019

News Satire Roundup: March 3rd-March 6th


Sunday, March 3 – We started with the Michael Cohen hearing, including Rep. Mark Meadows invoking the “black friend” defense and most GOP representatives seeming disinterested in whether or not the president committed the crimes Cohen accused him of.  We also had a piece on suspicions that Trump greased the wheels on Jared Kushner’s security clearance, featuring the return of Kushner’s awesome Gilbert Gottfried voice  I laughed so hard at the And Now This, a montage of a local news anchor with a “beat poetry” style of delivery – hilarious.  I appreciated the main story on automation, which looked at how not-straightforward the issue is.  Yes, automation replaces jobs, but not to the apocalyptic extent people worry about.  Yes, automation also creates jobs, but the old workers who got forced out can’t necessarily slip easily into new positions.  Also, it included a terrific epic run of “countries misnamed by Trump” jokes.


Sunday, March 3 – Strong episode.  Hasan focused on several cabinet members – “putting aside Voldemort to talk about the Death Eaters” – and looked at ways they’ve undermined civil rights.  I already knew many of the examples of “undoing shit,” like reversing Obama-era protections from discrimination, and “doing awful shit,” like using “religious freedom” to justify refusing healthcare to LGBTQ people, but some were new to me, especially in the category of “not doing shit.”  The fact that Jeff Sessions investigated zero violation-of-voting-rights claims while he was AG (“this is America – racism is as much a part of voting as stickers”), and Ben Carson has only investigated housing discrimination once as HUD secretary, is shameful.  Betsy DeVos using school shootings to make it easier for schools to disproportionately discipline Black and brown kids (while ignoring guns altogether) was also vile.


Monday, March 4 – Clip shows this week.  Tonight’s was all about the shutdown, lots of snippets of stories.  We covered the buildup, the ongoing effects (including Michael’s field piece with furloughed workers,) Trump walking out of negotiations (“bye-bye!”), his primetime address, stuff on the wall itself (including the “steel slats” prototype getting sawed clean through,) the whole back-and-forth over the State of the Union, and the shutdown’s conclusion.  Some good pieces to revisit, even though they were pretty recent.  I loved the bit on the national parks – “Americans are pooping on the ground?  Who’s the shithole country now?” – along with Chuck Schumer smirking at the camera “like an Office character” and Trump as an immigration weatherman.  And that montage of Trump failing to explain how he’s going to make Mexico pay for the wall was just as epic the second time.

Tuesday, March 5 – Kind of a hodgepodge.  The theme was “this is U.S.,” a lot of human-interest pieces from the opening blurbs.  We revisited a gender-reveal party accidentally starting a forest fire, people over 12 banned from trick-or-treating (loved the in-costume mugshots,) a bus driver letting the kids drive, a mother naming her kid “Abcde,” a man campaigning to change the Holland Tunnel’s Christmas decorations, legalized nunchucks in New York, slavery still being in some state constitutions, and Chicago Bears fans trying to kick a 43-yard field goal.  I especially liked the stories on cookies purportedly tainted with “grandma ashes” (and Trevor’s admission that he still would’ve eaten them,) an “emotional support alligator” at an assisted-living home (“White people are having a great time in America,”) and a Confederate statue being vandalized with googly eyes – ha!  The one longer piece was Desi’s field report on “Florida Man.”

Wednesday, March 6 – Round three revisiting the Russia investigation.  We had clips on developments from Mueller – the leaked interview questions, Michael Cohen flipping/pleading guilty, and Roger Stone’s arrest.  A couple clips from Trump’s lawyers, including the argument that nothing a president does can be considered obstruction of justice and Rudy Giuliani finding “even tighter corners” to back himself into.  We also had the FBI investigation on Trump as a possible Russian agent, bolstered by stories on Trump constantly talking about Russia (a.k.a. “bringing up Keisha”) at the G7, siding with Putin over his own intelligence agencies, and going to extreme lengths to keep the content of his one-on-one with Putin secret.  I still love Trevor’s impression of Trump as the worst spy ever.  “THANK YOU for meeting me UNDER THIS BRIDGE to exchange these TOP-SECRET DOCUMENTS!”  Love it!

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