"Better a fallen rocket than never a burst of light."
~ Tom Stoppard, The Invention of Love

Friday, February 1, 2019

News Satire Roundup: January 28th-January 31st


Monday, January 28 – First was Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz possibly running for president – I liked the bit about the ballots spelling his name wrong.  We also had a few jokes on Facebook merging with Instagram and WhatsApp, and the U.S. agreeing to tentative peace terms with the Taliban (good joke on how long that war’s been going on, the “Grey’s Anatomy of wars”:  “I think we all lost track around season 9.”)  The big story was the end of the shutdown, with billions of dollars lost to the economy, the IRS being behind for up to a year, and the chance that this could all happen again in three weeks.  I liked the piece on Roger Stone’s arrest, especially Trevor comparing the Fox News pundits’ critiques of the FBI raid with their indifference to police brutality against Black people.  The guest, comedian Mo Amer, talked about the 20 years it took him to get citizenship and trying to travel the world as a comedian with no passport.

Tuesday, January 29 – Good jokes on how nervous Matt Whitaker looked talking about the Mueller probe – my favorite was, “Is this press conference in a sauna?”  A couple quick tech bits:  an app in China that alerts you to debtors in your immediate vicinity(???) and a FaceTime bug that lets callers spy on you until you respond.  More on Howard Schultz, with Democrats not wanting him to split the vote and Trump eager at the prospect.  I loved the bit about Trump using “reverse psychology” (insulting Schultz on Twitter to get him to run) and then announcing that’s what he was doing (at a rally.)  Crazy story from Desi on fracking wells going up next to a school; that’s despicable, especially the news that the wells got moved from their first planned site (near a fancy charter school.)  Great interview with Sallie Krawcheck, talking women in business and the drastic actions needed to bust up the systemic sexism across industries.

Wednesday, January 30 – Opening blurbs on Fyre Festival, an anti-vaxxer-driven measles outbreak (loved the bit about a doctor saying, “Oh, so now you want my advice?!”), a chicken nuggets recall, and an art installation blasting Toto’s “Africa” in the desert (great joke about someone lost thinking they’ve found civilization, only to discover that it’s just a giant iPod.)  Next was the polar vortex – we looked at news anchors who go out into dangerous weather to report on it and Trump’s stupidity over climate change.  I loved Ronny’s attempt, once more, to explain the difference between weather and climate, which ended in a fit of rage.  We also got Trump at odds with his own intelligence community; fun bit on how he lists the now-fired “bad ones” like Santa’s reindeer.  Chris Christie was the guest.  No doubt Trevor could’ve gone further, but it was interesting to get a glimpse of someone who continues to support Trump.

Thursday, January 31 – I loved Trevor’s impression of Mitch McConnell getting huffy at making Election Day a federal holiday, “because if all the maids and butlers go vote, who will iron my toast?”  More on Republicans worrying over Roger Stone, a fun bit on social media as a factor in insurance premiums, and Trump cracking down on not calling the wall a wall (when he was the main one wavering over what we were calling it.)  Michael and Roy did a pre-Super Bowl piece – the bit about the “line-back” coach was so funny, great visuals.  Neal Brennan had an amusing piece proposing “common-sense social media control,” like background checks (i.e. making sure your baby isn’t in your thirst trap photos) and mental health assessments (“#3. Do Jews control the weather?”)  Minnesota’s Ilhan Omar was the guest.  I really liked what she said about her remarks on Israel and the difference between criticizing a government and its people.

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