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Sunday, December 3
· Recap of the Week – Henry Kissinger’s death, House votes to expel George Santos
o Great line – “That’s right. Henry Kissinger died at the ripe old age of ‘not soon enough.’”
o John noted that the House voted on George Santos’s expulsion three times before it passed – “Apparently, it takes three tries to get rid of him, a sort of ‘reverse Beetlejuice’ situation, if you will.”
o John also commented on Santos’s remarks in which he talked about the “felons galore” in Congress and compared himself to Mary Magdalene – “Now obviously, every word of that is a jewel, and it’s impossible to pick the sparkliest. I mean, first, it’s good that he said, ‘No pun intended,’ because no pun detected.”
o John hoped that, now that Santos is out of Congress, he’ll take his rightful place on Real Housewives – “I don’t want him to be in my government, and I don’t want to sit next to him on an airplane, but I definitely want him in Andy Cohen’s menagerie of damaged human beings.”
· And Now This – People on TV Talk about AI the Only Way They Know How
o I loved how seriously Jim Cramer told his colleague, “There was a movie about this” – When his colleague asked which one, he answered, just as seriously, “Terminator.”
o Lots of the Fox News commentators made remarks to the same tune as this quote – “All of us have seen the movie Terminator. We know how this ends!”
· Main Story – Organ & body donation
o John introduced organs as “what I personally think should be inside of piñatas. Children need to learn that their actions have consequences!”
o Oh my god, there was a story about a plane that had to turn around midflight when they realized a donor heart had been left on it! – “First of all, ‘I left your heart on a Southwest flight,’ 100% sounds like a Lana del Rey lyric.”
o Very interesting – “Organ transplants are fairly recent. The first successful operation only took place in 1954. For a little perspective, that was the year Oprah was born. Organ transplantation is only one Oprah old.”
o Of course Black people have been artificially moved down on the transplant list to the biased “Black race-based coefficient” in determining organ need – As John pointed out, the worst part is that that data point was only banned last year and doesn’t need to go into effect until next year.
o “No GPS or other electronic tracking [are] required” for organs that are shipped around the country – “Look, we should obviously be able to track organs as efficiently as we track Amazon packages. And do you know just how shitty your organization has to be in order for me to say, ‘Be more like Amazon’?”
o If OPOs, regional organizations that coordinate organ transplantation, improved their success rates, we could drastically cut down on the number of people who die every year waiting for organs – And yet, John pointed out that the OPOs have little incentive to improve, since “the government has never decertified an OPO for poor performance.”
o When we got into the part of the story about body donation, it was even worse, as John showed that “donating your body to science” could mean a wide range of things.
o Most horrifically, there was the Portland Body Show, where an uncredentialed man staged autopsies in a hotel conference room – Future donors are assured that their bodies will be used for “medical research and education.” John explained, “But ‘medical research and education’ is not clearly defined, and as you just saw, that can technically mean that your body might be carved up in a Marriott for the entertainment of a grown man in a fedora!”
o When we got into the creepy world of body brokers, who sell cadavers and body parts with little regulation, John pulled a fake out on the audience – “And the reason I know that is because we bought two dozen [human teeth]. Except of course we didn’t! Relax, we’re not fucking monsters! But we could’ve done it if we wanted to.”
o He added, “I’m very disappointed by how many people in this room seem genuinely worried that we might have done that. Unbelievable!”
o Despite all the horrors, though, John reminded us of the importance of organ donation – We got to see clips from a sweet story about a heart transplant recipient meets her donor’s family. She gave her donor’s mother a teddy bear which played a recording of her beating heart, so the woman could keep her late daughter’s heartbeat with her.
Another return guest host, Charlamagne tha God again. He said, “When I left three weeks ago, I said I’d never come back to host as long as Henry Kissinger was alive.”
Monday, December 4
· Headlines – George Santos expelled from the U.S. House, Felicity Huffman speaks about college bribery scandal, Ron DeSantis and Gavin Newsom debate on Fox News
o Charlamagne noted how immediately the House changed the locks on George Santos’s office door – “Although I’m not sure that will do anything. This guy stole money from a sick service dog. You think he won’t crawl through an air vent?”
o The Felicity Huffman piece was mostly about one comment she made, saying her experience with law enforcement was one that “the Black and brown communities know all too well” – “Why are you even bringing Black people into this? Are you trying to get your daughter into Howard or something?”
o Ronny wasn’t impressed with the Ron DeSantis/Gavin Newsom debate (which was for what, exactly?) – “These debates are just a bunch of desperate people having cheap, meaningless fights.”
o Naturally, that was a jumping-off point for Charlamagne to bring on Desi and Michael to pointlessly debate a very confused Ronny – My favorite line was Desi’s, “As the daughter of a father, I believe this country runs on televised debates.”
· Host Piece – Spotify Wrapped 2023
o Meh people-on-the-street bit, with Charlamagne looking at people’s playlists and judging them for it.
o He asked one woman about a friend’s surprising playlist, “Are you upset that they like Taylor Swift or upset that they lied about liking Taylor Swift?” – She answered, “Maybe both?”
o It didn’t make sense to me that Charlamagne gave people a hard time for having listened to 60,000 minutes of music in the last year, telling them to get a hobby or a girlfriend – Like, people play music while they’re doing lots of stuff? Exercising, cooking, cleaning, having sex, etc., so it’s not like those 60,000 minutes were spent sitting alone in a room only listening to music.
· Interview – Author S.A. Cosby
o Charlamagne asked Cosby about his new book All the Sinners Bleed, which is set in rural South Carolina – Cosby said, “I had folks tell me my books weren’t Black enough because they weren’t set in, like, Philly or New Jersey or New York. And I’m like, ‘But I’m pretty Black, you know?’”
o Cosby also recently wrote his first audio drama with Brokedown Prophets – He said, “It was almost easier than writing a novel. When you’re writing a novel, you have to describe everything, do an internal monologue, and that kind of stuff. And I’m not really good at some things, like describing spaces in a novel […] So I got around that, doing all dialogue.”
Tuesday, December 5
· Headlines – Fears that Trump is planning a dictatorial shift, George Santos sells Cameos, 70-year-old Ugandan woman gives birth to twins
o I mean, he’s not wrong – “I agree with Liz Cheney. If Trump becomes president, he is never, and I mean never, leaving office again. If you were facing that many charges, you would barricade yourself in the White House too!”
o Charlamagne suggested used reverse psychology to beat Trump in the 2024 election – “All the MAGA people care about is owning the libs, so just embrace Trump. They’ll reject him!”
o The George Santos jokes write themselves at this point – “It makes sense that George Santos is a star on Cameo. And knowing his history of lying, he’s probably also a cardiologist on Teledoc too.”
o Charlamagne thought the story about the 70-year-old woman giving birth was a triumph of science – “I think there’s something kinda nice about having babies so late in life. You can share the same nap schedule. You can eat the same mushy foods.”
o Desi vehemently disagreed, reminding him that “babies turn into children” – “You can’t play tag with a walker!”
· Correspondent Piece (Lewis) – Year-end recap
o Ozempic was the year’s big medical news – “I love Ozempic! Or as your favorite celebrity calls it, ‘Oh, I’ve just been drinking a lot of water.’”
o Lewis was grateful for Kanye West this year – “This is the first year in ages that he finally shut the f**k up. No tweets, no rants, no threats. I’m just glad he finally left the antisemitism to literally everybody else.”
· Interview – Writer/actress Robin Thede
o Charlamagne noted the “fantasy” elements of Thede’s new movie Candy Cane Santa, such as elves and Black Santa – “But the villain is a white woman. So is it fiction or not?”
o Thede reminisced about recording her voice acting in a studio while the live-action actors were on set filming, not realizing that the actors could hear the voice actors in their earpieces the entire day – “We were having debates about Drake albums. Like, we were just being so annoying while they were trying to work.”
o As A Black Lady Sketch Show airs its final season, Thede recalled favorite sketches like “Courtroom Kiki” – “People always tag me on social media when they have, like, two Black ladies in any one place, and they’re like, ‘Black lady dentist!’”
Wednesday, December 6
· Headlines – Trump promises to be a dictator “just for day one” of his second term, Biden’s remarks on 2024 campaign, Taylor Swift named Time Person of the Year
o Valid – “I hate to have to say it, but, ‘Are you gonna be a dictator?’ is not a normal question you should have to ask a presidential candidate! If you have to ask your babysitter, ‘Are you gonna eat my kids?’, it doesn’t matter what their answer is. The fact that you needed to ask them means you should get another babysitter!”
o This made me smile – “Every year, Time Magazine announces their Person of the Year, so we can remember what Time Magazine is.”
o Ronny and Michael were brought on to debate whether Taylor Swift was the best recipient for Person of the Year – After enumerating Swift’s accomplishments, Ronny added, “Not to mention all the breakups she got me through. I mean, I was getting dumped on purpose just to enjoy those songs more.”
o Michael, however, was not about to take the “anti-Taylor Swift” side – “I wish for nothing but the best for her and her army of passionate, incredibly defensive fans.”
o As Charlamagne and Ronny kept point out criticisms Michael has made of Swift, he decided he’d better lay low somewhere the Swifties couldn’t find him – “One ticket to North Korea, please.”
· Daily Show-ography – Vivek Ramaswamy
o As usual, Desi narrated this piece – The biography was subtitled “Enter the RamaVerse,” and it was about Ramaswamy’s political aim to be all things to all people.
o One of the first examples we saw was Ramaswamy’s claim that, based on his Catholic school upbringing, he follows the tenets of Christianity “better” than many Christians – “You see? Vivek is more Christian than most Christians, because he’s Hindu.”
o We also had Harvard-and-Yale-grad Ramaswamy saying he represented people who are tired of the establishment – “Yeah, separately Harvard and Yale are the establishment. But together they cancel each other out, like a hamburger and a salad.”
o This was a good line, about Ramaswamy bragging about his company’s refusal t to make a statement on Black Lives Matter in the summer of 2020 – “It takes a brave man to take a stand against showing sympathy for the dead, and the Republican party took notice.”
· Interview – CEO Michael Rubin
o Rubin told Charlamagne he never set out to become a billionaire – “I realized that you go to what you’re good at, and I was good at literally nothing but working, so I gravitated to what I love to do.”
o He advocates for criminal justice reform, and his company is running a program to help professional athletes figure out what to do after their retirement from sports.
Thursday, December 7
· Headlines – GOP primary debate, GOP reactions to mass shootings
o Charlamagne noted the pointlessness of a primary debate between people you know won’t be the nominee – “It’s like the National Spelling Bee without the Asian kids.”
o He described Vivek Ramaswamy as “the guy who puts the ‘dick’ in ‘valedictorian.’”
o After Ramaswamy talked on the debate stage about the Great Replacement Theory and January 6th being “inside job,” Charlamagne said,“I didn’t wanna cut him off! I wanna know where Bigfoot lives.”
o Nikki Haley touted the bizarre statistic that watching 30 minutes of TikTok a day makes you 17% more antisemitic – “Hold up. TikTok makes you antisemitic? Elon must be shitting himself right now, like, ‘They’re muscling in on my turf!’”
o Charlamagne pointed out that no one at the debate mentioned guns, even though there were two mass shootings on the same day.
o This led into a round of Republican $1,000,000 Pyramid, where a contestant (Grace) had to try and get a Republican Congressman (Michael) to say the word “gun” – When he of course failed, he said, “Mary, it is too soon to politicize this.”
o This story was inspired by rumors that Mark Cuban is planning to run for president – “Okay. An outsider billionaire with a reality show about business. Hmm, why has no one ever thought of that?”
o Agreed – “Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer our politicians come from politics, okay? I know it’s weird. It’s like how I want my surgeons to come from medical school and not Grey’s Anatomy.”
o For the piece, Charlamagne ran down a list of other potential celebrity presidents, from Dwayne Johnson to Oprah.
o Of Jon Stewart, he said, “He’s gotten more legislation passed than most members of Congress.”
o I liked this line – “Sorry, Swifties, it can’t be Taylor because she’s still too young, and she was born in Kenya.”
· Interview – Singer/songwriter Jelly Roll
o Jelly Roll recently hit number one with a song he released three years ago – “Sometimes, you’ve gotta let a song find people.”
o He discussed writing a song about the opioid crisis, and Charlamagne asked what advice he had for people struggling with addiction – “What’s in front of us is more important than what’s behind us. Who we were is not who we are.”
I liked Charlamagne’s second hosting gig a little better than his first, but I’m still not a fan. His commentary is fairly bothsides-y, and I didn’t like that he made several fat jokes about Chris Christie while criticizing Vivek Ramaswamy making a fat joke about Christie at the debate.
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