Saturday, January 28, 2023

News Satire Roundup: January 23rd-January 26th

Our next temporary host is Wanda Sykes. She quipped, “Yeah, my wife asked me to load the dishwasher, and I needed an out. So I’m so happy to be here!”

Monday, January 23

·        Headlines – More classified documents found at Biden’s house, Church of England to bless same-sex couples, Trump’s eulogy at Diamond’s funeral, oil and gas ad

o   This line made me laugh – “At this point, the FBI is just like decluttering Biden’s house for him. They’re like Marie Kondo going around his rooms like, ‘This list of spies does not spark joy.’”

o   I loved Wanda’s reaction to Trump commenting during Diamond’s eulogy that he’d never heard of Silk before that day, despite multiple pictures of all three of them together – “It’s like Trump showed up to that funeral like, ‘Diamond’s dead, but I’m gonna bury Silk. Oh yeah, there’s room for two in that casket.’”

o   Wanda took the ad’s premise of “imagine a world without oil and gas” and ran with it, showing an image of pristine nature – “What’s all that green shit on the bottom? Is that grass? I heard about it in history class, I don’t know.”

o   Michael, meanwhile, was completely on board with the ad – When Wanda pointed out the health impacts of gas and oil, arguing, “Kids are growing up with asthma now!”, Michael shot back, “Yeah, and the asthma keeps the kids from smoking cigarettes.”

·        Correspondent Piece (Roy) – Views in the U.K. on American guns

o   In lieu of directly talking about the Monterey Park shooting (which was of course followed devastatingly quickly by the Half Moon Bay shooting and the Des Moines shooting,) the show aired this man-on-the-street piece that Roy filmed in the U.K.

o   One woman didn’t mince words when asked why the U.S. has so many guns – “Probably because of the Constitution and just because they’re crazy.”

o   After hearing a number of opinions on the issue, Roy noted, “It turns out guns aren’t just hurting our people, they’re hurting our street cred all over the world.”

·        Interview – Actor/comedian Mike Epps

o   Wanda and Epps talked about the sitcom they’re on together, The Upshaws – Epps said, “Sometimes when you come together and you both have two different audiences, you know—I’m introduced to your audience, and you’re introduced to my audience.”

o   Wanda asked Epps about his decision to pass out bottled water before a standup show in Jackson, Mississippi – He explained why it was so important to him to help out, saying, “When the world is going through something, and us as comics, we go to these cities year after year, making money in these cities. So I think, you know, when some of these cities go in crisis… Man, we done been to these cities. Some of these cities feel like they our hometowns, ‘cause we’ve been going to ‘em for so many years.”

Tuesday, January 24

·        Headlines – Oscar nominations, classified documents found at Mike Pence’s house, congressional hearing on ticketing monopoly, Disney closes Splash Mountain for revamp

o   Valid – “Bad news: no women were nominated for Best Director. But remember, they gave it to Jane Campion last year. So I guess this year, they thought, ‘Eh, that should hold you broads for the next 50 years.”

o   Great Triangle of Sadness joke – “Which is not just a good movie. It’s also what Mike Pence calls a vagina.”

o   Splash Mountain is ditching its racist Song of the South roots and will reopen as a Princess and the Frog-themed ride – “I appreciate the effort from Disney, but you’re gonna make the Black ride the one where we get our hair wet? That’s just more racist than before!”

o   Roy thought that removing racism from rides is the opposite of what Disney ought to do – When Wanda asked, “Why the hell would we wanna add racism into Disneyworld?”, he explained, “Because Disneyworld might be the only place left in Florida where kids can learn about racism!”

o   His ideas were fun, such as setting the Disney Parade at Selma – “Walk Mickey Mouse and them across that Edmund Pettis Bridge with Buzz Lightyear on the other side waiting the beat their asses to infinity and beyond. That’s better than any textbook!”

·        Fake Ad – George Santos supporters

o   Good line – “Now, with all these lies, it’s no surprise that 59% of New Yorkers want him to resign. But that does raise the question, how could it only be 59%? Who are the people who don’t want him to resign??”

o   We got a fake ad showing some of these alleged Santos supporters – The gimmick was that they both bought his lies and were flagrant liars themselves.

o   A white woman in the ad referred to herself as “Academy Award winner Morgan Freeman,” and another guy said, “Now watch me eat this meatball sandwich,” as he bit into a banana.

o   At the end, everyone struggled to keep track of the many different names Santos has used, with one supporter finally just insisting, “Y’all know who it is.”

·        Interview – Columnist/author Katha Pollitt

o   Pollitt was on to discuss her new book Pro: Reclaiming Abortion Rights.

o   This is one of the most aggravating parts of the whole thing – “A lot of people have voted anti-abortion legislation because they thought it would never happen. So they voted in state legislatures for these wild things, thinking, ‘Well, Roe is there, it’s not gonna be so crazy.’ But now it is. So they’re thinking, ‘Oh my god, what have I done?’ Or at least some of them are.”

o   Pollitt noted various subtle ways anti-abortion activists target abortion, such as using the term “abortion doctor,” as if doctors who perform abortions don’t also provide many other kinds of care – “It’s all intended to make it seem like abortion isn’t part of healthcare.”

Wednesday, January 25

·        Headlines – U.S. and Germany to send tanks to Ukraine, new regulations to reduce lead levels in baby food

o   The tanks that the U.S. has pledged to Ukraine won’t arrive for about a year – “Aw, come on, U.S.! Ukraine is fighting for its life, and America is like, ‘All right, the delivery window is from June to December. Make sure you’re home.’”

o   94% of baby food apparently contains high levels of lead – what the hell??

o   Desi and Dulcé both came on to talk about the baby food story, but Dulcé wanted to discuss the water in Jackson, Mississippi, as well – “Why do babies get priority? I’m the one paying American taxes!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Roy) – “Cop City” in Atlanta

o   Note: this piece was filmed before police killed forest defender Tortuguita and the protests that have followed.

o   Roy wasn’t thrilled at the idea that the Atlanta PD is building an entire fake city to train in – “Police training center? But these guys are trained, right? This isn’t an armed militia of interns.”

o   An activist showed Roy the plans for Cop City, which is a full-sized replica of a city with homes, stores, etc. – Roy asked, “So this place is like Six Flags for police?”

o   Roy tried to pitch more Black-friendly ways to brand Cop City, such as “We could name it after Martin Luther King,” and “Tyler Perry Presents The Training Facility,” but the activist wasn’t having it.”

·        Interview – Actress Nia Long

o   Wanda compared notes with Long on the big-name cast of her movie You People, many of whom Wanda has worked with too – “See, you got to actually work with Eddie Murphy. When I worked with Eddie, it was Nutty Professor 2, and I pretty much worked with a tennis ball.”

o   Long’s other new movie is Missing, which is shot entirely through intra-diegetic screens – It was an entirely new kind of filmmaking for Long, and she said, “We’d just shoot, and don’t ask questions. ‘Cause if you ask questions, you’re gonna be more confused.”

Thursday, January 26

·        Headlines – Facebook and Instagram unban Donald Trump, AI chatbot imitates historical figures, museums discourage use of the word “mummy”, Missouri education bill

o   I laughed at Wanda’s announcement that it was her last show – “I don’t know what took John and Trevor so long, I solved everything in four days.”

o   Good line – “I mean, letting Trump back on Facebook is crazy. You’re just asking for trouble! It’s like letting Hannibal Lector babysit your most delicious child.”

o   One the historical figures the chatbot imitates is Hitler, because of course it is – “Look, parents are already worried what their kids are doing online. Now they’ll be knocking on their kids’ bedroom door like, ‘Jeremy, you better not be in there talking to Hitler!’”

o   The new bill in Missouri would outlaw “CRT” in the classroom but pay teachers to incentivize them to take a “patriotism course” – “If I was a teacher, I’d be pissed. $3000 for a patriotism course? I knew this whole time, y’all had money for school supplies. I’ve been out here giving students pens that I ripped off the chains at the bank!”

o   Roy came on to discuss the patriotism course, which he said he’d taken – When Wanda asked why, he exclaimed, “For $3000, shit! Took the course 20 times—look at all this damn money! I took the course as Roy Wood, Jr., then I went back as Roy Wood, Sr., went back as Michael Jordan, Michael B. Jordan… All you gotta do with these white people, man, just tell them you’re one Black dude and then they believe you. I’m going back next week as Frederick Douglass.”

o   I got a kick out what Roy “learned” from the course, such as, “Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by Hilary Clinton,” and, “You know Harriet Tubman? Was really a white man.”

·        Long Story Short – Traffic tickets

o   I’m liking this segment—Leslie had one last week, too. It seems to be a chance for the guest host to spotlight the specific thing they want to talk about, regardless of whether it’s the latest news.

o   Wanda opened by sharing an anecdote about tickets she’d gotten, then said, ,“Now, I was lucky, all right? I have the means to deal with these kind of situations. Okay, more specifically, I have money. I mean, I don’t have murder money, but I can commit a few infractions. You know, petty ones. Running late, don’t have quarters for the meter—ah, f**k it, give me the ticket. But it did make me think, you know, for a lot of people, just getting a ticket could ruin their life.”

o   People in the U.S. give out 112,000 traffic tickets a day – “Yeah, that’s a lot of tickets. I’m like, ‘Where do they find the time to shoot people?’”

o   There are multiple reasons for this, but one is that many cities generate 20-40% of their annual revenue from ticket fines – “These cities are filling their budgets on the backs of poor people. Yeah. So the next time a cop asks, ‘Do you know why I pulled you over?’, you can be like, ‘Let me guess: the mayor wants a standing desk.’”

o   Wanda liked the ticket system they have in Switzerland, where the fine changes due to a person’s means. In addition to putting less of a burden on poor people, it also means fines aren’t just meaningless pocket change for rich people – “If you ask Jeff Bezos for $30, he’d be like, ‘Uh, do I just rip a corner off this $100 bill?’”

·        Interview – Lawyer Sherrilyn Ifill

o   Ifill is the former president of the NAACP Legal Defense Fund – Wanda asked, “How hard is it to leave that job? ‘Cause you can’t be like, ‘Well, my work here is done.’”

o   Ifill explained that she has greater free reign now that she’s not beholden to government funding – “Racism and white supremacy is a complex structure, and if you want to get at it structurally, you need to be able to meet it where those structures are kind of manifesting the injustice.”

o   They discussed affirmative action and the upcoming Supreme Court case on it. Despite these types of rights having a long history of protection from the courts, Ifill summed up the danger here with two points – “Basically, you have someone who just keeps coming back, and now they have the court they want.”

I enjoyed Wanda as the host. She had some terrific lines, and I liked her more laidback delivery. I consistently liked all of her headline pieces. It was also a great week for Roy, who had either a field piece or a desk bit in every episode—both his field pieces were really interesting, and his back-and-forth stuff with Wanda had some of the funniest jokes of the week.

 

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