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Sunday, June 12
· Recap of the Week – January 6th hearings, Arizona midterms
o Oof, Arizona congressional candidate Blake Masters doesn’t exactly sound like a prize – “‘He’s an immigration patriot who checks all the white supremacist boxes’ just isn’t what you want to hear about a man running for office.”
o And Masters preemptively warning his supporters to prepare for his opponents’ attacks does not inspire confidence – “Holy shit! ‘They will pore over what I may have written as a teenager’ is just not a normal thing to worry about. It’s like saying, ‘My petty opponents will go from dog pound to dog pound asking the staff what I may have done with all those stray dogs. Classic petty, dirty politics.’ Except, no, it isn’t, Blake! It’s weird, specific politics that we now need to know a lot more about.”
· And Now This – Sean Hannity’s favorite joke
o Using Adam’s Schiff’s name in place of the word “shit,” that was the extent of the joke.
o Mainly, this came in the form of calling things “an Adam Schiff show,” Hannity did occasionally branch out into saying things like “bull Schiff.”
· Main Story – Tech monopolies
o In setting up this story, John emphasized that his issue is less with the fact that the big tech corporations are giants and more that they’re, specifically, monopolies – “It’s not that the tech companies are inherently bad because they are big. It’s that their engaging in anti-competitive behavior.”
o As an early example, he pointed to AT&T, the only name in the phone game back in the ‘70s. After the federal government stepped in to break AT&T’s monopoly and make room for competition, we saw new inventions like the answering machine – “We didn’t know it at the time, but AT&T’s dominance was seriously holding back innovation.”
o The brunt of the story looked at the practice of self-preferencing, where one of the Big Four tech companies platforms their own products over third-party entities making use of their sites.
o Lots of stats tonight – Apple makes a 30% commission on all apps purchased in the App Store, along with in-app purchases and subscriptions through said apps.
o The tech giants argue that anyone who can make a better product is welcome to do so, but John’s counter was that no one else gets an honest chance to do so – “People use Google to the extent that ‘googling’ is now a verb. You can’t say that for any other search engine. No one has ever said, ‘I’m going to bing it,’ except for maybe Bing Crosby announcing he’s about to masturbate, but that’s it.”
o I hadn’t thought about this until John pointed in out, but it’s completely true – “Google devotes 41% of the first page of results on mobile devices to its own properties and what it calls ‘direct answers,’ meaning that a user would have to scroll nearly halfway down the page before reaching the first ‘organic’ result in that search.”
o To that end, “2/3 of searches on Google ended without clicking to another web property,” meaning those other sites lose the ad revenue from the site traffic that Google is poaching.
o Right now, there are actually two bills in Congress to address tech monopolies, which the Big Four are obviously unhappy shout. When Amazon sent a letter to some its third-party sellers asking them to publically oppose the bill, one small business turned them down by saying they weren’t “morons” and could clearly see that breaking up monopolies would benefit their business – John described this as “basically a polite way of saying, ‘Fuck you and the spaceship you rode in on.’”
Monday, June 13
· Headlines – Russia renames McDonald’s, engineer claims Google A.I. is self-aware, woman sues Geico over HPV
o I liked this line – “Let’s kick things off with the war in Ukraine, the world’s most egregious case of manspreading.”
o Good bit about how the new Russian-branded McDonald’s is just like the original in everything but name and logo – “They even broke the ice cream machine to give you that authentic feeling of disappointment.”
o I liked Trevor’s point about the fact that Russia even bothered to change McDonald’s name when they left Russia – “Think about it: Russia has no problem breaking international law, committing war crimes, and defying the United Nations. But they draw the line at violating licensing rights? That’s where they won’t go too far?”
o Trevor was concerned about the Google A.I. claims – “Okay, I don’t work at Google and I’m not a computer scientist. But I have watched a lot of movies. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from movies, it’s that if a scientist comes out saying that something crazy is happening back in the lab and then they get fired for it…there’s something crazy happening back in the lab.”
o This made me laugh – “All I know is we have to be careful when we’re creating these things, people. ‘Cause we’re basically playing God here, and even God made a few mistakes. Yeah. I mean, have you seen a sloth? What are they doing with these long-ass sharp claws? What are they using them for? They’re so cute and they’re slow and then you gave them Freddy Kreuger hands!”
o Okay, so a woman successfully sued Geico for $5 million… after getting HPV… after having sex in her boyfriend’s car… which was insured by Geico – “Seriously, $5 million? How did they even assess those damages? Huh? Did she have a mechanic look under the hood just like, ‘Yep, that pussy’s totaled. Yep, it’s gone. Totally done.’”
o Michael was the headline correspondent. Normally the segments they’re ostensibly there to do are just throwaway stuff, but I liked this stock market joke – “Bitcoin is crashing. Nobody seems to be talking about it. And you know when Bitcoin people aren’t talking about Bitcoin, it’s bad, all right?”
· Main Story – January 6th hearings
o Good line – “The committee says that it can prove that January 6th wasn’t just a spontaneous riot by an angry mob. It was the climax of a long, coordinated plot by Donald Trump, which—I don’t know about you—for me, is shocking. No, because I didn’t think Trump could coordinate anything in advance. The man can’t even plan where a sentence should end. Like, I didn’t think that would happen.”
o After playing numerous clips of people testifying that Rudy Giuliani was drunk when he told Trump to claim victory on election night, Trevor said, “I’m just curious about how you even know when Rudy Giuliani is drunk. No, because when a normal person is drunk, they say crazy things, they yell, they sweat a lot. So how does that work with Rudy? Does it work in reverse? Like, does he start talking normally, his hair dye sucks back into his hair? How does this work?”
o Trevor wasn’t surprised that the “Election Defense Fund” Trump used to get $250 million from his supporters was a complete grift – “I will say, what impressed me about this whole thing was how fast it was this time. The second the election ended, Trump didn’t wait around. He knew it was over and then he just went full-on Nigerian prince.”
· Interview – Actor/Comedian Ayo Edebiri
o Edebiri talked about her unlikely rode to becoming a comedian – “I wanted to be an English teacher. And then I did my student teaching, and did you know that teenagers are really scary? And they will tell you when you’re not a good English teacher.”
o Because she has her fingers in a lot of pies, from comedy to acting to writing, Trevor asked Edebiri if she thinks of one as her first or best love – “I feel really lucky to be embraced and feel like I get to learn in so many spaces. And I feel like I have a lot of curiosity, and I want to do a lot of things and do them well.”
Tuesday, June 14
· Headlines – Stock market falls, tampon shortage, Trump’s “Election Defense Fund”
o While the S&P fell 21% from its peak, Bitcoin has fallen 67% - “Which I find really interesting. Yeah. Because for, like, the past ten years, every single crypto bro I’ve met has told me that crypto would protect me when the mainstream economy failed.”
o Trevor couldn’t get behind people who blame Biden for crypto’s plummeting value – “You can’t blame him for crypto. No. My man, if an 80-year-old man who doesn’t even know what bitcoin is can crash your crypto, then your crypto ain’t shit!”
o This joke about the tampon shortage made me chuckle – “Look, this is actually a serious problem because without tampons, like, what will women dip into bowls of blue liquid?”
o Trevor was puzzled by companies framing the tampon shortage as “low supply and high demand” – “‘Due to high demand.’ But isn’t the demand pretty much always the same? What’s changed? Like, is there, like, some viral get-your-period challenge on TikTok right now?”
o When people in the audience booed the announcement of Trump’s birthday, Trevor pointed out, “He can’t hear you!”
o Trevor wasn’t impressed with the revelation that Trump gave his daughter-in-law Kimberly Guilfoyle $60,000 for a two-minute introduction speech on January 6th – “Let’s be honest, people. This was not a $60,000 speech. I don’t care which side you’re on. No good speech ends with Don Jr. coming out. That’s not a good speech.”
o As the headline correspondent, Desi had some good jokes about the tampon shortage – “Pads are off the table, okay? They are huge and obsolete. They’re like the iPhone 3 of feminine hygiene. It’s not gonna happen.”
· Biography – Rudy Giuliani
o Great response to the note that Giuliani’s father, who had ties to organized crime, didn’t want Giuliani to follow in his footsteps – “It was an inspiring message from a father: come up with your own original crimes. And he would.”
o This made me laugh – “He loved the camera, and the camera… just wanted to be friends.”
o When Giuliani won his bid for mayor of New York, it was in part due to painting his opponent as soft on crime and organizing a police march against him, one that culminating in officers storming the mayor’s office – “Okay, it was a peaceful-ish protest. At least hyping up a crowd to storm a government building would be good practice for him.”
· Interview – Journalist Katie Couric
o In talking about her new memoir, Couric discussed an incident where she questioned a particular choice during an interview with Ruth Bader Ginsburg – “I write about it because I still question if I did the right thing. And I think that’s something that, if journalists talked more openly about the decision-making process and how they approach a subject, it would be more transparent and it would be more helpful, I think, to the public.”
Wednesday, June 15
· Headlines – Midterm primaries, U.K. refugee deportation plan, iconic Marilyn Monroe dress damaged after the Met Gala, Netflix announces Squid Game reality show
o I loved this bit about the loss of a South Carolina candidate who hadn’t backed Trump’s attempt to overturn the election – “That’s the weird thing about Trump. He might not remember how to speak English, but he’ll never forget anyone who’s done him wrong.”
o Meanwhile, a Trump-backed nominee lost and gave an… intense speech apologizing to him for it – “You know what? I, uh… I don’t know why anyone would think Trump supporters are a cult. It’s just a normal woman apologizing to Trump for losing her election on his birthday. It’s not a cult! This is a very normal thing.”
o Good line – “If the U.K. wants its immigrants to leave, don’t deport them. Just let them marry into the royal family and eventually, they’ll leave on their own.”
o Trevor saw the value in the U.K.’s plan to disrupt human traffickers by sending refugees to Rwanda – “I know some parts of Africa have got it tough. But we’ve also got cities, we’ve got Wi-Fi, we’ve also got racist white people, all right? You guys left them behind.”
o This was great – “Some of these Europeans are acting like the only hotel in Rwanda is the Hotel Rwanda.”
o Trevor didn’t see why Kim Kardashian didn’t to wear a one-of-a-kind historical Marilyn Monroe dress to the Met Gala in the first place – “The Met Gala happens every year. People dress like hamburgers there! You could have worn anything else.”
o Trevor was not on board with a Squid Game reality show – “No, no, no. If you’re gonna make Squid Game and nobody dies, then what’s the point? So now I’m just watching people play red-light-green-light and tug-of-war? What am I, a camp counselor?”
· Correspondent Piece (Michael) – BTS
o The actual correspondent part, with Michael trying to get in on the ground floor was the next K-pop sensation, was meh. But I enjoyed Trevor’s intro, especially this part about the news that BTS is taking a party – “I feel like people would rather deal with their parents splitting up than BTS. ‘Who do I want to live with after the divorce? Jungkook, Mom! I want to live at Jungkook’s house!’”
· Interview – Musician Davido
o Davido reminisced about one of the first gigs he was able to have during the pandemic, where the audience was socially distanced at tables and not allowed to stand – “And most of my songs is dancing songs. So I’m performing, and it’s like they want to get up, but they just looking at me.”
o After Davido told a story about how a joke to his fans accidentally resulted in his fans collectively gifting him hundreds of thousands of dollars, Trevor had this to say - “It’s funny that you say that because, one thing that I’ve learned around the world, Nigerians love giving people money, especially when they’ve done something they like.” He added an anecdote about the time a Nigerian guy came backstage after one of his stand-up shows, praising his work and handing him “just a wad of cash.”
o On the new tour he’s launching, Davido is all about uplifting African talent – He noted that he’d only be wearing clothes from African designers, eating African food, and hiring African dancers to back him up.
Thursday, June 16
· Headlines – COVID vaccines approved for children under five, Dr. Fauci gets COVID, January 6th hearings, tea shortage in Pakistan, “sexy” Swedish trash cans
o Trevor of course recognized the enormous relief for parents that young kids can finally get vaccinated, but he admitted that he’ll miss little kids staying home – “I’ve definitely noticed that over the past two years, you know, I haven’t heard any kids throwing tantrums in the supermarket. There’s been no toddlers kicking my seat in the movie theater. And there were basically no children screaming on airplanes. Yeah, only those crazy Trump supporters who didn’t want to wear a mask.”
o This made me chuckle – “I have to say, what a big moment for COVID as well, you know? To finally infect Dr. Anthony Fauci. I bet COVID was really starstruck when it got in his body.”
o Trevor lost it over a recount of Trump’s attempt to convince Mike Pence to overturn the election, which involved noting how “cool” it would be to have that power and telling Pence they wouldn’t be “friends” anymore if he refused – “This is part of the paradox of Donald Trump. Like, this is really the paradox. Like, he has the most terrifying schemes in the world, but he executes them in the most hilarious ways. Because Trump basically—he lives his entire life as if he’s the bad kid in one of those anti-smoking PSAs. He’s like, ‘Come on, Mike, Just try overturning the election! I thought you wanted to be cool.’”
o Trevor admitted that Pakistan spending $600 million a year importing tea might seem like overkill to a lot of people, “But when you understand how popular tea is in Pakistan, it makes sense, right? All of the outrage makes sense. This is part of their national identity. It’s like asking France to cut out croissants or North Korea to stop launching missiles as dolphins. That’s just what they do!”
o I loved Trevor’s reaction to new Swedish trash cans that talk dirty when people put trash in them – “By the way, all the guys that were using that trash can, you know that it’s faking it, right? There’s probably dudes walking away thinking, ‘Oh-ho, I throw good trash.’”
o Great line – “You realize we’re being catfished by garbage cans. Right? And we can see that they’re garbage cans. But then we hear that sexy voice and we’re like, ‘Well, maybe.’”
o Roy was the headline correspondent today. I loved that, when Trevor asked him for the traffic report, Roy just said it was a bunch of rich people on the road, citing gas prices – “Being stuck in traffic—that’s the new balling right there.”
· Correspondent Piece (Roy) – Lifeguard shortage
o As with Michael’s piece on Wednesday, Trevor’s intro was better than the bit itself. I really liked Trevor characterization the lifeguard shortage as such an “American problem” – “If you told an African parent that you won’t swim without a lifeguard, they’d be like, ‘Eh, do you know who is your lifeguard? Jesus. Don’t forget that. Don’t ever forget that.’”
o Roy did one of his Leo Deblin bits, this time hawking “substitute lifeguards,” which were just cardboard cutouts of himself dressed as a lifeguard.
· Interview – Actor/writer Ed Helms
o Helms discussed the creation of his show Rutherford Falls, which is entering its second season – “The show was born out of this observation just that people were kind of not listening to each other and being crazy, and so we wanted to depict somebody who is having trouble kind of hearing opposing views or hearing that maybe his interpretation of history is very wrong, and yet also that can be a good person who wants to do better also.”
o I really liked his remarks about having so many Native American actors, writers, and directors working on the show – “It’s been an incredibly humbling experience for me. I think, before getting into this, I intellectually understood the value of representation, and I would—I could talk about it very fluently and advocate for it. But being in this experience has just, like, really made it kick in for me in a way that… I don’t know, it’s been incredible.”
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