Sunday, May 2
· Main Story – COVID vaccine hesitancy
o After a brief aside to shout out the blank void’s cameo in Mortal Kombat, we jumped right into the main story.
o Great observation about vaccine cards – “Vitally important but too big to fit in any wallet? Way to fumble at the 1-yard line, science!”
o John noted that all demographics include some people who are vaccine-hesitant for a variety of reasons, such as some Black Americans who distrust the medical community due to things like the Tuskegee Experiment, “or, as most American history students would say, ‘Something I haven’t heard of.’”
o I liked this clapback at Tucker Carlson’s efforts to sow vaccine doubt by asking a series of easily-Googlable questions as if they were all shadowy mysteries the government is hiding from us – “Okay, it is genuinely weird to see someone hosting a supposed news show ending every sentence with a question.”
o Also awesome? John referring to Carlson as “you scrunch-faced fear baboon.”
o John highlighted that, while only a small portion of the vaccine-hesitant are full-blown anti-vaxxers, that small portion does a lot of damage just by muddying the waters – “The scary thing is they don’t need to convince anyone they’re right. They just need to convince people that no one is right,” throwing out so much information that people don’t know what to believe.
o Stellar point – “If your main concern is that Bill Gates could use microchips to track you, he already can. That’s what your fucking phone is!”
o We looked at the clickbaity headlines of people who’ve died after getting vaccinated, who in truth 1) are an infinitesimally small fraction of the total number of people who’ve been vaccinated and 2) didn’t die because of the vaccine – “The vaccine protects against COVID, not the concept of mortality.”
o I liked the point that the Johnson & Johnson pause should actually bolster trust in vaccines, since it demonstrates how scientists effectively recognized a potential danger, took quick action to put that vaccine on hold, and immediately investigated the risks.
· And Now This – Fox News pundit references growing up on a ranch
o As montages go, not the most interesting. My favorite part was the graphic that got more embellished every time the pundit said the word “ranch” – it began with a ranch bottle, which quickly gained a cowboy hat, guns (with hands to hold the guns,) cows, a chicken, mountains in the background, a sun wearing sunglasses, etc.
· Finally – Government Twitter accounts
o John opened this piece talking about corporate Twitter-account fails, such as the time HBO compared a bunch of its shows to different kinds of milk and didn’t include Last Week Tonight – “Who is more milk on HBO than this show??”
o This led into the larger story on government Twitter accounts, particularly the issue with accounts posting random weird stuff in an attempt to go viral while also expecting to be taken seriously as official sources of government communication – the US Consumer Product Safety Commission was by far the wildest. Like John, I boggled at the picture of a father and son standing at the edge of a cornfield staring out at a cartoon drawing of a tentacle washing machine, captioned simply “America.” What?!
o The one exception to John’s annoyance here was the official account of the state of New Jersey, which brought quintessential New Jersey energy to such posts as responding to an insult about the state with “that’s not what ur mom said”
Monday, May 3rd
· Headlines – Experts doubt U.S. ability to reach herd immunity, U.K. music festival tests outdoor COVID spread, Tiffany launches men’s engagement rings
o Same, Trevor – “You know, in these divided times, it’s great to see so many Americans come together to fail at something so easily achievable.”
o Great line about the men’s engagement rings – “Aw, guys, this is amazing! Trying to double your profits and pass it off as inclusivity? Capitalism is so beautiful!”
o I liked this bit – “I think this could be a win for everyone. Women get diamond rings, now men also get diamond rings, and the children who have to mine twice as many diamonds, they get paid overtime!” What made it art was Trevor’s “reaction” to the person “speaking” to him off-camera. “What, they don’t get paid? But then how do they keep getting-? So this is-?!?”
· If You Don’t Know, Now You Know – Data privacy
o Super valid – “That’s right, people. With the new iOS update, you have to opt in to being tracked online instead of having to opt out. And I know it might seem like a small change, but this is a huge deal! Because people are lazy as shit.”
o I loved this explanation of how data-tracking and targeted ads work – “If you’re in Atlanta and you check the weather in Vermont, it won’t wait for you to search for a winter coat before it starts showing you ads for one. And if you’ve been ordering pizza every night on Grubhub, well, then the ads will show you a coat that’s two sizes up. Because it knows.”
o Spot-on reaction to Facebook’s warnings that losing the ability to track data might mean they’ll have to start charging for Facebook – “That seems like an empty threat to me, because who would pay to be on Facebook with the type of people willing to pay to be on Facebook?”
o I laughed so hard at Trevor’s impression of what Facebook seems to think consumers will be like without targeted ads to guide them – “Oh no, oh no, I have to watch untargeted ads? But how will l know if a product isn’t for me? What if I buy tampons because I didn’t know that I don’t have a period? What if I buy dog food but I don’t have a dog? Am I a dog? Am I a dog wearing tampons? I don’t know!!”
o Another solid point – “Again, I’m not pro-Apple here, but Apple didn’t build their entire business model on stalking you. Facebook did.”
· CP Time (Roy) – Black royals in history
o I loved Trevor’s intro to this piece – “Did you know it is legal to talk about Black history even when it isn’t Black History Month?”
o Roy’s comments on the founder of the Zulu empire – “He also had the flyest name of all time: Shaka Zulu! I get chills just saying it. Half the reason people followed him was ‘cause of that name! If Shaka Zulu had been named Herman Carruthers, it’s safe to say there would be no empire.”
o This made me laugh – “Although she never married, Queen Amina did have a complicated love life, taking lovers in every city she conquered and then killing them. And yet for some reason, men still went to sleep with her, even though they knew it would be fatal! We are truly the dumbest gender.”
o It was just a quick side tangent, but I loved this joke – “Don’t argue with me about Jesus’ race, I know Jesus was Black because the court found Him guilty with no evidence.”
· Interview – Actor Michael B. Jordan
o Before discussing his new movie Without Remorse, Trevor had to praise Jordan for his action-hero physique, although he balked at Jordan’s invitation to train with him – “Why would I do that to myself as a human being? Why would I, as Trevor Noah, go to work out with Michael B. Jordan? To feel what about myself, Michael? What are you trying to do?”
o Trevor was most impressed by a long scene in the film where Jordan is underwater without any camera edits – Jordan said, “It took us about a week-and-a-half to shoot, and every day I would get up, and I would get to set, and I would be like, ‘Who wrote this? Why did we decide to do this?’” But at the end of the day, he was glad they did it that way because “I definitely wanted to shoot it in a way to make sure you knew I was doing those stunts.”
o Jordan’s summation of his character’s journey in the film – “The honesty of what it’s like from the soldier’s perspective, who has things that they care about. You know, obviously they’re dedicated to a service, to a country, in order to protect their oath, you know what I’m saying? To uphold those values. But when that comes home, and you feel betrayed, you know, and you’ve been lied to on so many different levels, how far would a man go to get those answers?”
Tuesday, May 4th
· Rayof Sunshine – FDA expected to approve Pfizer vaccine for 12-to-15-year-olds, Biden photo op with the Carters, Will Smith posts about his pandemic weight gain, “Disaster Girl” meme NFT sold for $500,000, “Battle of the Joshes” pool-noodle fight, new technology to reduce toothpaste waste
o Before launching into Ray of Sunshine, Trevor noted all the bad news in the world, including the announced divorce of Bill and Melinda Gates – “I bet even malaria was like, ‘Wow! I mean, the way they were coming after me together, I thought those two would never end.’”
o Loved Trevor’s reaction to the weird camera warping and force perspective on the photo of the Bidens and the Carters – “I can’t figure out if the Bidens had a late-in-life growth spurt, or if they’re playing with Jimmy Carter action figures, or maybe both at the same time.”
o This made me smile – “Half a million dollars? Damn, someone get me a camera and a pack of matches. Because I missed Bitcoin, but I’m not missing out on this!”
o Good line – “Usually, when that many Joshes are in the same place, the only thing that comes out of it is, what, a hedge fund?”
o I really enjoyed this tangent – “You know, after watching this, I realized that we need to crown a champion for every name. Because too often, I meet someone, like say, my neighbor Steve, and I think to myself, ‘Is this the best Steve I could be talking to? I mean, I have limited time in my life! I’m not gonna spend it on some subpar Steve.’”
· The Daily Show-ography – Ted Cruz
o Another of the show’s biodoc-style retrospectives narrated by Desi. I liked this comment after his college roommate (who went on to create Chernobyl) called him “awful” four times in a row – “Ted Cruz was so awful, this professional screenwriter could think of no other word to describe him. That’s impressive.”
o Good description of his infamous Green Eggs and Ham filibuster – “Once elected, he put his mark on the Senate by filibustering Obamacare while showing off his 1st-grade reading ability.”
o I loved this response to a montage of GOP folks talking about how much they hate Cruz – “God damn! Even people you don’t know if mass shootings are bad think Ted Cruz f**king sucks.”
· Interview – Sen. Elizabeth Warren
o As the country urges vaccination and looks towards reopening, Warren was focused on the future – “Change is in the air. It’s not about going back, it’s about what ‘normal’ looks like going forward. It’s not just about coping with a pandemic. We have our toes on the line to make big structural change in this country.”
o On why she spent part of her new book reflecting on mistakes she made during her presidential run – “I wanted to give an honest account of what it’s like as a woman, a woman running for office, and I also talk in the book about what it’s like as a mother, as a teacher, as a fighter, as a planner, as a learner.”
o I appreciated her words on the importance of Democrats delivering on policies between now and the midterms – “We made a lot of promises to get here. We made a lot of promises to get Joe Biden elected. We made a lot of promises in Georgia to say, ‘Hey Georgia, give us two more senators.’ But part of that means we cannot now be a majority – I know it’s a little, tiny, skinny majority, but it’s a majority – and then turn around and say, ‘Oh, it’s a filibuster, so Mitch McConnell gets a veto over any dang thing we wanna do.’”
Wednesday, May 5th
· Headlines – Facebook upholds Trump ban, Chinese rocket falling to Earth, New York Public Schools announces remote learning instead of snow days next year
o I enjoyed this take on Trump’s “brand-new social media platform” (aka blog) – “Trump had to do something to distract from the fact that he lost his appeal to get back on Facebook. Or as he put it, ‘We won this appeal in a landslide! Everyone knows it! So many victories….”
o Good point – “By the way, they keep calling this thing ‘a piece of a rocket.’ No, no, I’m sorry, that’s a missile, all right? You don’t get to call a missile a rocket just because you said, ‘Oops!’ first.”
o I liked this riff – “Honestly, I always thought it was strange that kids in America got snow days in the first place. I mean, that didn’t make any sense to me. You’re staying home because it’s unsafe to go to school? Have you been to an American school? If the mass shooters don’t get you, the asbestos will. And not to mention, Amber is so mean all the time, and I didn’t do anything to her! Why does she always say those things?”
· Main Story – The fight over anti-racism curriculum in American schools
o We opened on the idea of “history being written by the victors,” with Trevor previewing a look at what lessons on the Revolutionary War would look like if Britain had won – “These domestic terrorists threw our tea into Boston Harbor while dressed as Native Americans! Which, aside from being criminal, is very problematic.”
o And of course, America has plenty of experience telling whitewashed versions of its own history – “But yeah, America treats history like most people treat their browser history: just delete all the embarrassing stuff and hope no one notices.”
o Trevor nicely summed up the crux of the issue – “Should we keep telling ourselves what we wish happened, or should we understand what actually happened?”
o I loved this impression of a state legislator who accidentally said we ought to study “the good, the bad, and the ugly” of slavery – “What, you think that no good came from slavery? What, I’m the only one who likes the blues? None of you like the blues? Who’s the real racist now, hmm? Still me? I guess it is still me.”
o Very well said – “What is the point of teaching history? What is the actual point? Is it to make kids feel good that they live in a perfect country with no problems, or is it to give them an unsparing assessment of how society got where it is so that they have the tools to change it in a better direction?”
· Correspondent Piece (Desi) – Fox News on racism in America
o I do generally enjoy these bits of a wild-eyed Desi spouting Fox News talking points – “Show me in the history books where America has been racist! Okay, not the first 98% of the book, but the back of the book, near the glossary!”
o On-point – “Hey, woke mob, stop canceling things that you don’t agree with and start canceling things that I don’t agree with!”
· Correspondent Piece (Jaboukie) – Eating out in post-pandemic life
o This was a cute bit, a helpful how-to video on remembering how to eat in a restaurant. I loved this bit, in response to a quick tutorial on chairs – “Now, you might be thinking, ‘Jaboukie, that’s not how AC Slater sits!’ Well, you’re never gonna f**king be AC Slater, ever!”
o This made me laugh – “Chewing is when you smash your teeth together with food in your mouth, and it’s something that is only done in public as a way of making your meal take longer so you can ask other people, ‘Hey, how’s work going?’”
· Interview – Jewish resistance fighter Selma van de Perre
o While van de Perre acknowledged that the 76th anniversary of the Netherlands’ liberation from Nazi Germany, is important, she admitted that she wasn’t ready to celebrate – “I think the day before yesterday was very much more important, because that was the day of the dead.”
o She was on the show to talk about her memoir of her life as a resistance fighter – I really liked the detail Trevor shared about working in a Nazi gas-mask factory, where she sabotaged the masks.”
o In response to Trevor’s query about the importance of not forgetting the Holocaust as survivors age and pass away, van de Perre said, “That’s why I think commemorations are so important. Because when you commemorate, you tell the story, and people tell the story of what happened” – She also talked about her yearly practice of meeting with newly-trained teachers and sharing her experiences with them.
Thursday, May 6th
· Headlines – New Twitter feature prompts users to reconsider mean tweets, Belgian farmer accidentally shifts border with France, Mother’s Day
o This made me smile - “Twitter: the site that owes $30 million in meme royalties to Denzel Washington.”
o Great summation of the issue at hand - “The problem with this idea is that, if you’re on Twitter, you’ve already decided you’re gonna act like a dick. I mean, that’s what Twitter is for! It would be like if the waiter at the Cheesecake Factory asked you if you’re sure you want to order a meal that’s 12,000 calories. My man, I’m here, aren’t I?!”
o I loved this joke - “Hold up, Europeans can just arbitrarily move their own border lines around? Man, I thought they only did that to Africa.”
o Desi came on to discuss Mother's Day, and she was not in any mood to suffer fools - “That’s dumb, Trevor. You can’t have Mother’s Day every day. I mean, the world would run out of roses and gift cards for massages that don’t include a tip.”
o This was a good bit - “I really can’t wait for that coupon for free hugs. I have so many of those at this point, I can buy a round for everyone.”
· Main Story – GOP in-fighting over Rep. Liz Cheney
o Another excellent summation - “Ever since Donald Trump got the party’s presidential nomination in 2016, the GOP has been divided between politicians who love Trump’s brash, grab-‘em-by-the-pussy style and those who believe in more traditional Republican values, like telling poor people to stop being poor.”
o I loved this - “Uh, ‘the GOP is at a turning point’?? N***a, that happened a long time ago! Don’t you remember Jeb Bush flying out of the car? That was the turn, that was the ultimate turn!”
o The story moved onto the latest audit of the Arizona 2020 election results - “I mean, I thought regular ninjas were cool, but cyber ninjas? Woo! Those are the kind of ninjas who’ll steal your Wi-Fi password, and then, when you turn around to look for them, your head falls off!”
o
This made me laugh out loud - “Sometimes
I wish that I was a conspiracy theorist, because there is never a dull moment.
Like, they can turn a regular-ass Thursday into an Indiana Jones movie like this!” (snap)
o Valid - “Oh my god, Donald, what happened to you? This guy was the president of the United States just a few months ago, and now he’s like the world’s worst wedding DJ!”
· Interview – Filmmaker Alex Gibney
o Gibney talked about his new HBO documentary on the opioid crisis - “It seemed to me like the opioid crisis was being presented to us almost like a natural disaster, like a hurricane or a flood, as if it just ‘happened.’ But upon an examination, it seems clear that it was manufactured.”
o Trevor's words hit hard here - “It’s amazing how if you kill a person in America, you can go away to prison for the rest of your life, but if you kills hundreds of thousands of people, somehow it’s just a statistic.”
o Even though the documentary is specific to the opioid crisis, Gibney also set his sights on a larger issue - “As big as the opioid crime is, 500,000 people dead, millions of people addicted, it pales in comparison to the larger problem, which is the unholy mixture of this turbo-charged 21st-century capitalism and healthcare. Last time I read the Hippocratic Oath, it didn’t have anything to do with supply and demand or market share. It had to do with, protect the patient, do no harm.”
· Interview – Musician/Actress Sara Bareilles
o Bareilles on how her new show Girls5Eva came along at just the right time for her - “I was in the depths of despair, as so many found themselves [in the pandemic], and I got a phone call from Tina Fey. And I feel like, if that’s a lifeboat, if that’s the kind of lifeboat I get once in my life, I’m pretty thrilled about it!”
o Trevor asked what it's like for Bareilles to play a musician who's career hasn't panned out, and she replied, “It doesn’t matter what it looks like from the outside. Like, it might look like my life is really shiny, but I’m just a self-loathing machine on the inside. Ultimately, I feel like I relate a lot to this character.”
o Bareilles didn't want fans of her music to worry that branching out means she's leaving songwriting - “I have found in my career that, the more that I do a little bit outside of my comfort zone, the better time I have, the more I learn from everything.”
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