Saturday, March 6, 2021

News Satire Roundup: February 28th-March 1st

Sunday, February 28

·        Recap of the Week – Andrew Cuomo scandal over concealed nursing-home deaths

o   Great, disgusted response to Cuomo’s hypocritical press-conference entreaty to “follow the facts” – “The thing is, it’s hard to follow the facts if the people in charge of those facts are actively withholding them from you.”

·        And Now This – Fox Business pundit raves about her Pelaton

o   Exactly what it says on the tin.

·        Main Story – Police raids

o   Wonderful description of Cop Rock, a short-lived cop-themed musical TV series – “Think of it like if Pitch Perfect crashed into The Wire and there were absolutely no survivors.”

o   This was a perfectly-incisive summation of none of Breonna Taylor’s killers facing charges for her murder – “If it is somehow nobody’s fault that an innocent woman was killed in the middle of the night in her own home, there might be a problem with police raids.”

o   Upon looking at a study of police raids in Chicago showing that the top five neighborhoods hit were 90% Black and Latino – “Yeah, that’s about as fucked as you’d expect.”

o   What horrific footage of cops watching the doorbell-cam footage of them blowing in a man’s door, then rewatching it multiple times so they could record it on their phones, all while the man (who was innocent) was still handcuffed to a chair – “By the way, thanks for being such a good sport about this, even though we do have guns so you kind of have to be.”

o   You would think this shouldn’t have to be said – “If the police are truly incapable of not throwing a grenade into a crib, then they shouldn’t have grenades!”

o   Another rage-inducing story, in which police busted down a woman’s door on a completely-bogus tip, wouldn’t let her get dressed, and then had the audacity to tell her, “You don’t have to shout” – “When you are handcuffed naked in your own home in the middle of the night after the police botched a search warrant, shouting should be in your fucking Miranda rights.”

 


(Note: I've been automatically using the same image for years, but now that we're on more than a year of Trevor filming the show from home, the old picture almost feels like a different show.)

Monday, March 1

·        Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That – The Golden Globes, sexual harassment allegations against Andrew Cuomo, U.S. airstrike in Syria, U.S. doesn’t bring sanctions against Saudi Arabia over Jamal Khashoggi’s murder, CPAC

o   I smiled at Trevor’s fascination with Jeff Daniels’s door-filled backgrounds on the Zoom Golden Globes – “You know, some celebrities spend their money on fancy cars and jewelry. Jeff Daniels spends his money on doors. I respect the hell out of that.”

o   Perfect reaction to the Andrew Cuomo allegations – “Guys, of course he was being playful! I mean, imagine your much-older, politically-powerful boss turns to you and says, ‘When’s the last time you were really hugged?’ That’s super playful! Can’t you feel your skin crawling with delight?”

o   Incisive description of the Syrian airstrike – “You know, new American presidents bomb the Middle East like new inmates beat the hell out of somebody on their first day in the prison yard.”

o   I liked the rom-com-style declaration-of-love-in-the-rain reenactment between the U.S. and Saudi Arabia over Khashoggi – “I am mad, Saudi Arabia, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life forgiving you!”

o   I laughed so hard at Trevor’s impression of CPAC attendees heckling the organizers’ pleas for them to wear masks – “Boo! Boo! Let the free market decide which one of us will survive this pandemic! Boo!”

o   I love that Trevor’s reaction to CPAC’s golden Trump statue was to just start giggling, finally adding, “Holy shit, guys, did you see that thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that it’s a golden idol and blasphemous and all of that, but why is it wearing flip flops and holding a magic wand? I mean, do you know how hard it is to make Donald Trump look weirder than he already is?”

·        Correspondent Piece (Roy & Jaboukie) – Trump’s imploded Atlantic City casino

o   In this bit, Roy and Jaboukie did their “Property Brothas” routine making plans to build a new casino on the old Trump Plaza lot, but a member of the city planning board came on to explain why that isn’t helpful – “We have not seen the promise of that gold street you’re talking about. These casinos, they come here and they get a tax break, and then they mostly leave town. So how are we supposed to stabilize our community when the dollars aren’t staying here?”

o   The interviewee emphasized that Atlantic City residents don’t even have access to a local hospital, highlighting that and other budget priorities in his “Black Agenda” for the city – Roy responded, “Steve, the word ‘Black,’ sometimes people get scared of it. That’s why the hit show on TV is Black-ISH. That’s how you trick people.”

·        Interview – Actress/Producer Marlee Matlin

o   Matlin was there in her capacity as a producer of the short film Feeling Through, about an unexpected connection between a DeafBlind man and a homeless teen – it sounds awesome.

o   When Trevor asked her to reflect on the awards records she set and where the Deaf community has gone in Hollywood since then, Matlin said, “I knew that we had to make noise, that we had to get people to get work, that we had to make connections in the entertainment business, that we all had to just put ourselves out there.”

o   I loved her explanation of the importance of hiring Deaf actors to play Deaf roles – “We bring authenticity to the screen, period. You can’t create disability like, it’s like putting on a costume. You can’t put on a costume, we are not costumes.”

Tuesday, March 2

·        Headlines – Johnson & Johnson’s vaccine approved, a third Andrew Cuomo accuser comes forward, six Dr. Seuss titles no longer to be published

o   Before the headlines, loved this description of Women’s History Month – “That’s right, it’s the time of the year when men celebrate women’s history by repeating it back them, just a little louder, as if we’d thought of it ourselves.”

o   Great reaction to the latest Cuomo allegations – “Sweet Jesus, man, what are you doing?!? I mean, on the one hand, asking women for consent before you kiss them is what you’re supposed to do, but the other part of consent is waiting for them to answer! You don’t just grab them by the face like a bear yanking on a beehive!”

o   Excellent point – “This was in 2019. If you’re a public official doing this kind of thing after the #MeToo movement, either you just can’t help yourself or you’re so dumb you shouldn’t be in office anyway.”

o   Trevor’s delivery on this was the best – “Okay, so we’re gonna cancel Dr. Seuss books just because they’re racist? Uh, then what are the racist kids gonna read? Huh? Didn’t think of that, did you?”

o   Great bit – “You know the real problem with Dr. Seuss is that all of his made-up words sound like they could be racial slurs. I mean, ‘a zelf on a shelf,’ ‘the nupboards in the cupboards’? I don’t know what that means, but if a white person calls me a nupboard, we’re throwing down!”

·        Main Story – Sexual harassment/assault allegations against Rep. Madison Cawthorn

o   Good breakdown of the allegations against Cawthorn – “This guy was apparently sexually harassing women while driving like a crazy person? It’s like if Mario Kart let you play as Harvey Weinstein.”

o   The piece went to into Cawthorn’s rise in politics as a whole, including his lies about his acceptance in the Naval Academy/Ivy League schools and the car accident that paralyzed him – “So Madison Cawthorn has lied about basically every major event in his life. And he’s lucky that he’s in politics, because there’s no other career where you can be caught lying that much about your resumé and still be allowed to keep your job.”

o   I loved this response to Cawthorn’s scandal over an Instagram post he made about visiting Hitler’s former vacation home – “Okay, you know you messed up if you need to follow your Instagram post with, ‘I’m definitely not a Nazi.’ I mean, no one’s posting kitten videos like, ‘Just to be clear, I definitely think the Holocaust was bad! Meow.’”

·        Interview – Rep. Adam Kinzinger

o   It was weird to me that Kinzinger claimed “no one was saying” that the election wasn’t stolen until he stood against Trump’s election-fraud claims – maybe he just meant no one in his own party?

o   I appreciated this observation from Trevor, when he was questioning Kinzinger on his opposition to the new COVID relief bill – “When you look at that bill, America has a history of under-preparing for situations, you know? If you go back, every time there’s like a stimulus bill, every time, it falls short of the mark. And in hindsight, economists go, ‘Ah, we just didn’t spend enough money. We didn’t give the people enough money.’”

·        Interview – Musician H.E.R.

o   I liked H.E.R.’s description of what her early music meant to her – “I was making this very honest music in high school that represented what I like to call the evolution of woman, and me becoming a young woman and going through different things and changing and vulnerability, and even if it wasn’t really that deep, it was always that deep for me.”

o   In talking about recent songs she’s written about police brutality and systemic racism, she pointed out that the themes she writes about aren’t so different from the songs Sly and the Family Stone or Marvin Gaye sang decades ago – Simply, she asked, “Why is this still relevant to today?”

Wednesday, March 3

·        Headlines – States start rolling back COVID restrictions, threats of a new Capitol attack, Amazon redesigns logo

o   Trevor had fun imagining the poor wedding DJs who’ll have to police the new socially-distant “dance zones” at New York wedding receptions – “Slide to the right… too far, too far! Slide to the left or I’ll write your asses up! Stay in your zone!”

o   As QAnon followers keep pushing possible inauguration dates for Trump further and further out, Trevor wondered if attacks on the Capitol will simply become part of the fabric of D.C. – “All right, guys, you just missed the 2:00 insurrection at the Capitol, but the 4:30pm will be happening shortly, so stick around. And please remember: do not feed the Capitol rioters, okay?”

o   I laughed at Trevor’s reaction to the new Amazon app logo, after the first one was criticized for bearing a resemblance to Hitler – “Wow. First Dr. Seuss and now Adolf Hitler. Cancel culture is getting out of control.”

·        Main Story – Federal minimum wage

o   What a great encapsulation of Congress – “Damn! Who knew accomplishing nothing could be so complicated?”

o   Good observation on the Senate parliamentarian, who ruled that a minimum-wage increased can’t be passed through budget reconciliation (requiring just a simple majority) – “It’s funny how America goes through this grueling election, it’s this whole four-year-long process, ‘Who’s it gonna be? We’re voting, we’re debating! It’s a process to choose everyone who makes the laws!’ And then it’s just this one unelected person who can overrule them all.”

o   There was a news clip that had some great examples on how inflation has made the minimum wage worth far less in the 12 years since it was last increased – the graphic compared how many hours you’d have to work minimum wage to pay for a family of four’s groceries (17 in 2009 vs. 20 in 2021,) a month’s rent (116 vs. 151,) and a year’s medical bills (431 vs. 716.)

o   Trevor had plenty of contempt for senators arguing against the minimum-wage increase by reminiscing about the minimum-wage jobs they worked in their youth (ignoring the fact that over half of people earning minimum wage today are between the ages of 25 and 54) – “And it’s great that Sen. Marshall left college thanks to his cow-poop side hustle [aka shoveling manure], but that’s because, back when he graduated, his college cost $900 a year. That’s what these old dudes don’t realize! When they tell these stories about ‘I had to walk 10 miles from my house!’, all young people today think is, ‘Goddamn, you could afford a house?! Man, that’s balling!’”

·        Paramount+ streaming service

o   It’s always a little awkward when Trevor has to do these promotional bits, but he got a few good lines in. I loved when he was listing everything that would be on Paramount+ and stopped for an aside with “someone off-camera” – “…Oh, not 90-Day Fianceé. But we do have every Indian-American cricket game, right? …No??”

o   Roy popped up as his Leo Deblin character to offer a low-rent streaming bundle – he noted that, with all your streaming subscriptions, “Your TV is making more money than you!”

o   “And if you can’t afford the premium package, you can subscribe to Streaming-, where I just tell you what happened on the show.”

·        Interview – Actor Kelly Marie Tran

o   Trevor tried to understand what Tran’s social-media-free life is like – “So you’re saying that you don’t wake up everyday with people just telling you that they hate you? This is not a thing that you do?”

o   Tran’s description of her new film, the awesome-looking Raya and the Last Dragon, sounded really lovely – “The whole movie sort of is her journey on figuring out how to find the good in the world again and figuring out how to trust people again.”

o   Tran and Trevor discussed the importance of releasing a Southeast-Asian-themed Disney princess movie amid the current wave of anti-Asian bigotry and attacks – Tran, reflecting on the society that tells her to hide or apologize for her heritage, said, “To be part of this movie that is so clearly celebrating instead of hiding is such a proud moment for me, and I hope it’s one that the community can celebrate.”

Thursday, March 4

·        Headlines – Sen. Johnson stalls vote on COVID relief bill

o   I held off a little on watching this episode, because the complete episode wasn’t up on the show’s website, and while they had all the individual segments posted as clips, I like getting all the little extra bits too. But News Satire Roundup day is nearly over and the episode still isn’t up, so here we go. (If it’s getting moved exclusively to that Paramount+ streaming service they had Trevor shilling for, I’m gonna be pissed.)

o   Great line – “And to all the hungry kids out there, be patient! Ron Johnson is making a symbolic point; you can eat tomorrow. Or maybe next week! Whatever.”

o   I liked the point that Sen. Johnson’s “big, bold” move wasn’t even something he himself was doing – he was making clerks read out the 600-page bill.

·        If You Don’t Know, Now You Know – First Ladies

o   This whole bit, on how Dolly Madison was the first to be called the First Lady (at her funeral), was awesome – “If I were Dolly Madison, I would be dead, but also, I would’ve been so pissed at Zachary Taylor. Because before him, people were calling her ‘Lady Presidentress’ or ‘Republican Queen.’ And those are so much cooler names! And then at her funeral, some dude was like, ‘No, she was the First Lady.’ If I was her, I’d be getting out of that casket like, ‘What you say? Bitch, you call me Queen Supreme!’”

o   I liked Trevor using Netflix as an analogy for how the role of the First Lady has evolved over the years, citing Eleanor Roosevelt as “the first streaming-on-demand First Lady.”

o   Trevor understood Martha Washington’s point that this role, which was thrust upon her by virtue of her husband becoming president, could feel like being in prison, but he didn’t let this fact slide – “Although it’s weird to say you feel like a prisoner when you owned slaves yourself.”

·        Biden Fox News “scandals”

o   New middle name! – “President Joseph Reprehensible Biden.”

o   First on the agenda was Biden criticizing governors for lifting mask mandates, calling the move “Neanderthal thinking” – “This is just disgusting, people! Not only did Biden call Republicans the N-word, but he forced them to acknowledge evolution. This is the worst thing you can do to a Republican!”

o   This conspiracy-spinning paranoia made me laugh – “Joe Biden is hiding something under that mask! Could it be… a Hitler mustache??”

o   The piece also covered the so-called “cancellation” of Dr. Seuss and the Fox News pundits who dragged one of Biden’s dogs for looking “unpresidential” – “Yeah, dude, drag that dog! Hey, Fido, why don’t you go fetch… a new stylist?”

·        Interview – Musician Michael Kiwanuka

o   Kiwanuka was the last artist Trevor saw in concert before the lockdowns began, and he praised Kiwanuka multiple times for the experience – “It’s like you were telling us a story, but a story that was happening inside you as a human being.”

o   Kiwanuka talked about the imposter syndrome he felt trying to define himself and fit his music into an approved box – ”Every time I tried to do music like what was on the radio or what I thought people would like, it just sounded awful. And when I was doing my own thing, it was like, I love this, but it was like, are people going to understand” what he was trying to do.

·        Performance – “Rolling”

o   Kiwanuka recorded this song in the empty auditorium of his old high school. Lovely performance – I really liked the spare atmosphere of it.

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