Saturday, November 7, 2020

News Satire Roundup: November 1st-November 5th

Sunday, November 1

·        Recap of the Week – Jared Kushner’s remarks on Black voters

o   So much love for John’s contempt for Jared Kushner, running through a list of Kushner’s advantages from birth before finishing, “If only more Black fetuses had your ambition and drive, maybe they’d be as successful as you.”

·        Main Story – Coronavirus

o   At this point, the show has done many main stories on the pandemic, and while John would like nothing better than to get back to his usual topics – such as “Scented Candle Fraud” or “Alpaca Veterinarian Malpractice” – the reasons why he hasn’t are obvious.

o   I loved John’s response to Trump supporters’ claims that Trump has “done his best” on COVID-19 – “That depends. Do you mean he’s doing the best any president can or the best he can?”

o   That’s the angle for this story: a close look at just a few of the many things Trump could have done better.

o   Good points that Trump’s much-touted travel ban on China was less than effective, given that 1) the virus had already reached the U.S. when he implemented it, 2) 40,000 people still entered the U.S. from China over the following two months, and 3) Trump then did virtually nothing with what little time that move bought us.

o   On the devastating lack of PPE for healthcare workers – “The claim that he had ‘empty cupboards’ is slightly undercut by the fact that he’d been president for three years when he made it.”

o   John said, “It has been genuinely remarkable, just how consistently Trump has undercut public health messaging.” One very impactful example was the way Trump downplayed the importance of masks in the very same press conference that announced the CDC’s recommendation of them – “…And just like that, wearing a mask became a political issue.”

o   I felt John’s exhaustion here – “Oh yeah, Trump must be great for you comedians, right?’ Uh, not really! This has been a fucking nightmare!”

o   As John pointed out, this piece still just scratched the surface of all the ways Trump has let the U.S. down on this pandemic, and he ran through a rapid-fire list of some of the others.

·        And Now This – Local news anchors dressing up for Halloween

o   The star of this segment was obviously the news anchor who dressed up as John – “Welcome, welcome, welcome to Last Week Tonight! I’m John Oliver. And now… stamps!”

·        Main Story – William Barr

o   With the election imminent, the show went long to cover a second main story, the dangerous position of Attorney General William Barr.

o   John opened with footage of Barr playing the bagpipes because he obviously couldn’t resist any clip of the subject of one of his stories playing “a noisy sex doll for octopuses.”

o   We were reminded how Barr was initially considered a reasonable choice for replacement AG, with many suggesting he’d be “an adult in the room” – John was tired of that being a sufficient qualification, saying that, “At some point, ‘I wish that white nationalist with an authoritarian streak would act his age’ is missing the mark.”

o   We looked at lot at Barr’s love for “unitary executive theory” and his particular take on it, that there are no limits on a president’s power besides elections and impeachment.

o   Because of this, John noted that, not only is Barr Trump’s ideal AG, but Trump is Barr’s ideal president – he described a memo Barr sent to the DOJ criticizing the Mueller investigation prior to his own appointment “basically a lawyer version of sliding into Trump’s DMs.”

o   Apparently, we’ve moved on from Adam Driver. Wallace Shawn is the new sex god in town (he’s a socialist, you know, so the left is horny for him) – “Nationalize my healthcare, you soft-boiled egg.”

·        Finally – Official announcements about Halloween during the pandemic

o   After a lot of city officials dressed in costumes tried to put a “fun spin” on public health warnings, we were treated to a fantastic clip of an Italian health official seriously intoning, “‘Halloween’ is the embodiment of stupidity.”


Monday, November 2

·        Election News – Dueling Trump and Biden rallies, election unrest, Trump works to discredit mail-in votes

o   Trevor captures the mood – “So, how’s everybody feeling? Chill? Relaxed? Casually chewing your tongue off because of the stress, because it has all come down to this.”

o   Nice burn on Trump’s campaign promises – “The one piece of good news for Dr. Fauci is that, now that his firing has become a chant like ‘Lock Her Up!’ or ‘Build the Wall!’, that means it’ll never happen.”

o   I enjoyed this impression of Trump’s claim that Biden is going to cancel all holidays – “They’re all gone, folks! No Christmas, no Thanksgiving, and I don’t know what Kwanzaa is, but it’s gone! No more Toyotathon. You won’t even be able to wish your neighbor ‘Happy Honda Days!’”

o   I liked Trevor attempting to explain the importance of waiting for all ballots to be counted “in terms [Trump] will understand” – “Donald, we have to wait for the election results because, right now, they’re ‘under audit’ by the IRS.”

·        Donald Trump’s 100 Most Tremendous Scandals - #25-1

o   Funny but scary – “These are the scandals that are going to cement Trump’s place in the history books… assuming history books are still around after November.”

o   The main scandal tonight was about a dozen scandals in one, a catch-all of Trump’s handling of COVID-19 – I liked the line, re: disbanding the pandemic response team, “Trump was working on screwing up the pandemic before there was even a pandemic to screw up.”

o   So exhaustingly true – “Be honest, when Tom Hanks caught the ‘rona back in March, did you really think we’d still be dealing with this shit in November?”

o   The coronavirus stuff was actually ranked as Trump’s #2 scandal - #1 was simply, “He’s somehow still president!?”

·        Correspondent piece (Michael) – Suburban white women who support Trump

o   Michael described his mission as meeting with a panel of voters “to see what Trump is doing to protect white women. I mean- the suburbs. Sorry, ‘the suburbs’ are obviously not just code for ‘white.’”

o   This was a great line, extrapolating from one of the women’s claims about Trump – “Trump doesn’t sell fear. He sells knowledge about what we should fear.”

·        Correspondent piece (Jaboukie) – Senior citizens who support Joe Biden

o   The flipside of Michael’s piece. I laughed at the line, “So what’s got these age-positive Americans hot for Uncle Joe?”

o   A so-so piece for me. I appreciated what the panelists had to say, but I thought some of Jaboukie’s shtick was a little mocking/condescending towards them.

·        Interview – Journalist Michael Harriot

o   Harriot wasn’t prepared to make election predictions, but he said, “When you’re in doubt, bet on white. White people are going to white, and that’s one thing we can always be sure of.”

o   Trevor and Harriot discuss outspoken Black celebrities who support Trump, none of whom really surprised Harriot – “If you didn’t have 50 Cent on your ‘doing something stupid’ bingo card, you probably weren’t going to win the game anyway.”

o   He argued that there have always been a small subset of Black male rappers who support Republicans – men who, “because of the patriarchy, because of this delusion that they are separate from regular Black people, because of their own self-delusion, believe that the people who oppress Black people will somehow benefit them personally.”

o   Harriot and Trevor also talked reframing the discussion around reparations – Instead of viewing it as payment/recompense for slavery, Harriot urged, “Look at what happened after slavery,” in which free Black people paid the same taxes as everyone else but, due to segregation and other racist laws, were denied the benefits of what the government used those taxes for. As he said, “We were paying into a system that was stealing our money and giving it to white people.”

Tuesday, November 3

·        2020 election coverage

o   This hour-long live special had a ton of mini-stories, so I’m not going to split them all into their own section – I’ll just link as needed.

o   For the first time since March, we left Trevor’s apartment and moved to the set of his election “bunker” – “I’ve got a bottle of hand sanitizer to clean my hands, and I’ve got another bottle of hand sanitizer to clean the first bottle.” (Side note: I feel seen.)

o   I laughed at this line – “Trump is like the ultimate Florida mascot. He’s got the tan, all his friends are in jail, somehow he has money, oh, and he also has a much younger wife.”

o   With the pandemic, places like sports stadiums, tar pit museums, and crematoriums are all being used as polling places – “God damn, people are voting in crematoriums? I mean, it probably still smells better than a middle-school gym, but man.”

o   Jordan interviewed election-day voters in Brooklyn – after one voter eloquently explained, “The reason I’m not so fond of this administration is because I believe in, like, a true system of governance based on honesty and fairness and equity and egalitarianism and all that good stuff,” I loved Jordan’s simple response of, “Then you must’ve had a shitty four years!”

o   Funny way to describe the need to wait for the full election results – “Democrats needs to experience tantric democracy.”

o   Dulcé “reported” from a voting line in a Black neighborhood – “You know the crazy thing? I’m not even here to vote for the 2020 election. I’m still trying to vote for Hillary!”

·        Interview – Actor Don Cheadle

o   Cheadle had to report to set first thing in the morning, so, knowing full well the election likely wouldn’t be called tonight, he was anxious to avoid “spoilers” to keep from obsessing about it all night.

o   Looking at his own millennial daughters and how they’re following in his politically-active footsteps, Cheadle said, “Unfortunately, I think it’s incumbent on them to take up a lot of responsibility from what our generation has handed them.”

·        Continuing election coverage

o   Trevor was annoyed at the news that one polling place’s closing time had to shift due to its late start – “How’s a poll worker gonna oversleep? You had one job! That’s like bumping into the Easter Bunny in a bar on Easter Sunday, and he’s like, ‘Oh shit, was that today?’ Politicians are working so hard to disenfranchise voters with voter ID laws, gerrymandering – all they need to do is cook poll workers a rack of ribs on Election Eve!”

o   Several correspondent pieces dwelt on the idea that, with the delay in counting such a large number of mail-in votes, there wasn’t a whole lot to report on. Desi vamped for time, Jaboukie tried to put himself in an “elective coma” until it was all over, and Michael wrote erotic campaign fanfiction because nothing was happening at Biden headquarters – I laughed at, “All he can think about are those swollen ballot boxes waited to be emptied.”

·        Interview – Dr. Tressie McMillan Cottom

o   Given that McMillan Cottom is a recent McArthur Genius Grant recipient, Trevor greeted her with, “Dr. Genius, how are you?”

o   McMillan Cottom pointed out why, even if Biden ultimately wins the election, it’s not going to be a solid victory for America – “The fact remains that we are not going to see a clear repudiation of Donald Trump by the Republican Party. And that means something. That means that whoever wins – today, tonight, next week, whenever this thing finally ends – we’re still living in the United States of America where 40-45% of the population still thinks Donald Trump is doing a really good job.”

o   She had some good remarks on the small minority of Black men who support Trump, especially this – “They are attracted to the presentation of masculine strength of Donald Trump. Despite what the rest of us may think Donald Trump looks like, his bluster looks like strength and masculinity to a number of people.”

·        Continuing election coverage

o   Trevor was “shocked” at Biden winning California, “despite Donald Trump picking up that last-minute endorsement from the wildfires.”

o   Ronny took a break from the 2020 election to look at low voter turnout in the U.S. in general, which ranks 26th among developed nations.

o   He polled people on the street on the likelihood of America adopting a mandatory voting policy similar to countries like Australia – Most respondents were in agreement that it would never fly due to America’s adherence to “freedom,” with one guy summing it up, “I think American values are a toxic version of what freedom is.”

Wednesday, November 4

·        Election Updates – Trump calls for a stop to vote-counting, key Republican Senate wins, polls don’t match reality

o   Good line – “We are now on Day 2 of Election Day, which makes it kind of like a Hanukkah miracle that no one wanted.”

o   I liked this take on Trump’s astonishment at how his early lead receded as mail-in votes started being counted – “I mean, I knew that Trump didn’t like science, but I didn’t know he’d disavowed numbers!”

o   Trevor had some great comments on Trump’s call to stop the count – “Wow. I know everyone was expecting it, but still. Can we just take a moment to admit that it is insane that an American president is just demanding that they stop, that they stop counting votes while he’s ahead?”

o   Loved this one – “I gotta say, for a guy who hates ‘shithole countries,’ Trump really likes to jack their style. I mean, I never thought I’d see the day when someone yelling at me to go back to Africa sounds more like a concern for my rights instead of a threat.”

o   Roy came on to talk about how off the polls were yet again, and the seemingly logic-defying nature of this race – “You gotta give it up for Trump. Let’s look at everything he did: teamed up with coronavirus to kill people, he got everybody hating everybody, managed to pay less taxes than Lauren Hill, and somehow still be in this race.”

·        Down-ballot election results

o   On the news that the highest percentage of the electorate turned out since the turn of the last century – “When you think about it, it makes sense that turnout this year is close to 1900, because thanks to coronavirus, life this year is a lot like 1900. We’re home a lot, life is slow-paced, we’re baking our own bread. The only difference is that we have Netflix, and back then, they only had Hulu.”

o   Fun jokes on states that have legalized marijuana – “Personally, I don’t want to get high in Mississippi, ‘cause that’s one of those states where you’ve gotta have your wits about you, but I am excited for New Jersey to have weed! Imagine how next-level edibles are gonna be when Italian Americans are running dispensaries!”

o   Trevor celebrated some diverse wins in state and federal congressional races – “America’s legislatures are on their way to turning from Mad Men into Pose!”

o   I laughed at this bit – “And having the first two openly-gay Black members of Congress is amazing! I mean, except for all the straight members who are always gonna be trying to set them up together. ‘So, you know who else is gay and Black?’”

·        Interview – Professor Geraldo Cadava

o   Cadava was there to discuss his new book, The Hispanic Republican, and the minority of Latinx voters who support Trump – “It seems like Americans rediscover Latinos every four years at election time, and I think this year it’s expecially pronounced because Latinos seem to have moved toward this president that, at least on the face of things, spent four years abusing us.”

o   I really liked their discussion of identity politics, especially this observation from Trevor – “I find that Republicans do a much better job of coding their identity politics. I don’t agree with the notion that Republicans don’t engage in as much identity politics as Democrats. I think Democrats are too blatant about it. So Democrats will say, ‘We’ve gotta get Black voters and the Black vote and the Hispanic vote, and we’ve gotta get these gay people to come and help us!’, you know what I mean? Whereas, Republicans go, ‘We’ve gotta protect our farmers. We’ve gotta do a better job of protecting that factory worker in Ohio. We’ve gotta protect him. You know who he is!’ And it’s a very interesting technique that implies a certain connotation of a person, but it doesn’t make that person feel like they’re reduced to only the color of their skin.”

o   Cadava said, “I think there’s so many problems with the idea that demography is destiny and that demographic change is naturally gonna lead to more Democratic victories,” urging Democratic leaders not to take Latino votes for granted.

·        Interview – Reporter Evan Osnos

o   The interview opened with both Trevor and Osnos comparing how much they aged over election night – by their reckoning, Trevor is now 52, Osnos 112.

o   Looking ahead to a potential Biden presidency, Osnos felt Biden is uniquely positioned to help America through what it’s experiencing right now – “Just being acquainted with suffering quite that way, in a very real, personal way, resonates with the condition we’re in as a country. We are literally suffering. We’re literally grieving. So he knows something about that.”

o   Trevor asked whether Biden will be able to realize his campaign promise of getting Republicans to work with Democrats, and I liked Osnos’s response – “I think there’s something important that we lose sight of, which is that it matters the posture with which the president sells the policy. Meaning, if they’re selling it from the middle, strangely enough you can actually sometimes sell things that you can’t sell if you’re coming at it from a distinctly progressive direction or a hardline conservative direction.”

Friday, November 5

·        Election Updates – Trump campaign sues states, Trump supporters protest election centers, Trump prematurely claims victory in multiple states, Mitch McConnell makes plans to limit Biden cabinet picks

o   Trevor’s summation of the current state of the election – “What a difference between 2016 and 2020. When Hillary lost, she disappeared into the woods. But when Trump starts losing, he’s dragging voters one by one onto the witness stand.”

o   Dulcé came on to talk about the various lawsuits the Trump campaign is bringing. I laughed at, “Oh, I almost forgot. Pennsylvania, tripled sued! Just for thinking Trump was done suing you.”

o   I loved Trevor’s reaction to Trump announcing on Twitter the he “hereby” claims victory in various states he hasn’t won – “No, come on, Donald, what are you doing? Just because you shout it, it doesn’t mean it’s yours. This is the election, not playing shotgun!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Desi) – Fox News’s take on the election

o   More of Desi mainlining Fox News, always entertaining – I liked, “Pennsylvania isn’t even a state, it’s a commwealth! Common. Wealth” (with the word “SOCIALISM” flashing across the screen.)

o   Great line – “The more cases, the more counting. The more testing, the more ballots. Has anyone seen Anthony Fauci and Nate Silver in the same room?”

·        Pandemic News – Record case numbers in the U.S., new lockdown in the U.K., new A.I. diagnostic tool

o   Exhaustingly depressing but true, on the daily U.S. case rates – “And don’t forget, this is 9 months in! 9 months! COVID-19 is like if Godzilla attacked Tokyo but then signed a long-term lease.”

o   Trevor lamented the sight of British people going out for “one last night out” before the new lockdown begins – “No, United Kingdom, what are you doing? This is like people who cheat at their bachelor parties. It still counts, and you should definitely get tested!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Michael) – Post-election possibilities

o   Michael used a “Descent into Madness meter” to gauge his stress levels in response to various nightmare scenarios, such as Republican legislatures picking their own electors in the event that the final vote counts haven’t been certified by December 14th.

o   Luckily, while one guy Michael interviewed sent him spiraling, the Philadelphia AG was more reassuring, noting, “One of the reasons you might feel panicky is because that’s how Donald Trump wants you to feel. Because he knows that if all legal votes are counted here in Pennsylvania, he’s quite likely going to lose.”

·        Interview – Journalist Soledad O’Brien

o   O’Brien and Trevor talked a lot about what they see as issues with pundits and journalism today. Number one for O’Brien was this – “To just quote the president and give him a platform for something that we all agree, all know, is a lie, is a huge mistake.”

o   Trevor noted some conflict within journalists over knowing that Trump is lying but still having reverence for “The President” and not wanting to call that out – O’Brien emphasized how important it is for news sources to state outright, “This is a lie,” or, “This is racist.”

o   O’Brien acknowledged the balance journalists may try to strike, not wanting to anger their subjects for the sake of maintaining access to them. I really liked Trevor’s response to that – “Access, in my opinion, often comes with misinformation. I mean, American journalists have had access to so many things. They have access to the lies about Vietnam. That was the ‘access.’”

o   Another great observation from Trevor, about “neutrality” in cable news – “There is a certain price to pay for ‘neutrality,’ for instance. Cable news might like to bring people on to go, like, ‘This person believes that Black people are human beings, but this person doesn’t agree. Let’s talk to them and see why they say that.’ This neutrality, on the surface, seems to be about impartiality, but really, what it creates is a world where there is no fact, there’s nothing we agree on, it’s all up for discussion. And again, it’s great for ratings, but it’s not good for informing people.”

o   O’Brien had a good point to make about her own show – because they pretape their episodes several days early, they have no hope of keeping up with the breakneck pace of Trump’s latest whatever. But rather than seeing that as a disadvantage, they lean into providing greater context on the stories they do report on, digging deeper in the hopes of better informing the viewers.

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