Saturday, October 10, 2020

News Satire Roundup: October 4th-October 8th

Sunday, October 4

·        Recap of the Week – The first presidential debate, Trump’s COVID-19 diagnosis

o   John described Trump’s “stand back and stand by” response to a request to denounce white supremacy as intensely botching a ludicrously easy question akin to, “Chris Wallace asking, ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’ and Trump replying, ‘Hitler had some great ideas.’”

o   John hit the nail on the head when it came, not just to Trump’s cavalier behavior that led to his COVID-19 infection, but to that of many within his circle who were similarly infected – “Your recklessness could end up killing someone you never met.”

o   Great summation of the White House’s handling of Trump’s illness so far (and they taped the show on Saturday!) – full of “hubris, denialism, and treating it more like a PR crisis than one of public health.”

·        And Now This – Local news anchors celebrate the arrival of “spooky season”

o   I laughed at the Debbie Downer anchor at the end pragmatically adding, “…Although the pandemic’s changing the way we do Halloween and virtually everything.”

·        Main Story – The 2020 election

o   This was all about the prospective barriers to election integrity this year – as John pointed out, many of these tactics have already been used for years (disturbing old video clip of the founder of “the Moral Majority” declaring, “Our leverage in the elections frankly goes up as voter turnout goes down,”) but both the pandemic and the Trumpness of it all has made everything worse.

o   While people can become official poll watchers, John clarified that what Trump has called on supporters at his rallies to do is “become fucking ballot Batman.”

o   Awful story from a young Black man in Georgia who waited nearly 8 hours at his polling place during the primary – the terrible kicker was his recollection from 1:00 a.m., when someone in line said, “Y’all remember we came to vote yesterday, right?” Inexcusable.

o   John had this delightful response to Trump’s diatribes of claims of mail-in ballot fraud during the debate – “As you’ve probably already guessed, that is a 12-course tasting menu of horseshit.”

o   In addition to the many ways that bad actors have and will try to interfere with the election, John also emphasized the importance of being prepared to wait for the results, settling in for an “election month” rather than an “election night.”

·        And Now This – Things people miss during COVID

·        Finally – Museum closures amid the pandemic

o   John argued that museums are meant to stand as lasting monuments to history, “not be as disposable as the fourth H&M in Time’s Square.”

o   The show was there to chip in as always – now, John’s offering some of the show’s recently-acquired artwork (including the rat erotica and a painting form Larry Kudlow’s wife, whose work John previously described as chiefly characterized “by the absence of Larry Kudlow”) to be mailed to museums around the country for safe showings.

o   Each museum chosen for a showing will also be sent $20,000, half for the museum and half for a local food bank – this isn’t a new sentiment, but I love how John uses his HBO budget.

 

Monday, October 5

·        Main Story – Trump’s COVID-19 diagnosis

o   I’m with Trevor – “I don’t want him to lose his life, I want him to lose an election.”

o   I liked the point that, if Trump were to die and Mike Pence took over, we’d have all of Trump’s policies without his absurdity – “If Trump is cocaine, Mike Pence is flour: your nose is still gonna burn, but nothing cool happens.”

o   Loved this line – “A massive outbreak at the White House is not karma, it’s consequences. It’s not karma to get hit by lightning when you’re standing on the roof of a skyscraper holding a metal rod while there’s lightning. The universe didn’t do that shit to you, you did that shit to yourself!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Jaboukie) – Leaked Melania Trump rant

o   Jaboukie was upset that Trump’s COVID diagnosis crowded out the story about the leaked audiotape of Melania complaining about Christmas decorations.

o   Great bit on how Fox News would’ve reacted if it had been Michelle Obama asking, “Who gives a f*** about Christmas?”

·        Interview – Actor Jason Momoa

o   Momoa, restless in quarantine before getting back on set, was there to promote a documentary he produced called Gather.

o   He described the documentary as being about “the disconnection between our ancestry and our traditions” for indigenous peoples, and it sounded pretty interesting. I especially liked Trevor’s comments about the parts focusing on people who are finding ways to marry new technology with traditional methods.

·        Interview – Actress/singer Kat Graham

o   Graham talked about her new film Cut Throat City – she and Trevor talked about how, even though it’s set around the time of Katrina, it unfortunately feels just as immediately relevant today.

o   I also liked Graham’s remarks about how her biracial background and the way Hollywood treats her for it gives her a unique voice to bring.

Tuesday, October 6

·        Headlines – Gay men take over the Proud Boys hashtag, the CDC acknowledges risk of aiborne transmission, arguments over COVID protections at the vice presidential debate

o   I liked Trevor’s happiness that “America is doing more ‘challenging white supremacy’ viral challenges than it is ‘eat something that will cause violent diarrhea’ challenges.”

o   Really, we only touched on the headlines before jumping into the…

·        Main Story – Trump leaves Walter Reed hospital

o   Trevor was here with all the disdain for the spin on Trump’s coronavirous infection – “It’s not that he was so reckless and ignorant that he got himself, and possibly many others, dangerously sick. It’s that, as a leader, he was brave enough to confront the virus head-on. It’s like how the only way to study marine biology is to get eaten by a walrus.”

o   When Trevor expressed shock at how cavalierly Trump is putting White House staff at risk (“This is coronavirus, not a prison sentence; you can’t just pardon them afterwards,”) I knew what he meant – even though, given what we know about Trump, this isn’t surprising behavior, it’s still shocking from a basic human decency standpoint.

o   Another great reaction to the spin – “Really? Joe Biden doesn’t have ‘the experience’ of being infected with corona? Man, you’ve almost gotta appreciate the balls of the Trump campaign. Who else would come out and say, ‘Look, do we really want to vote for someone who understands how masks work?’”

o   Hit the nail on the head – “Look man, there’s nothing noble about getting corona because you refused to be safe.”

·        If You Don’t Know, Now You Know – Presidents hiding their health information

o   Very true – “Part of the reason the secrecy makes everyone nervous is because we all know that if Trump’s lungs were clear, he would never shut up about it! He would tell us he has the best lungs ever, they passed all their tests, they’re identifying rhinos left and right!” (Great callback to Trump’s cognitive test)

o   I laughed at this bit on the coverup of FDR’s wheelchair use – “‘Isn’t it weird that we’ve never seen the president stand up or walk?’ ‘Yeah, he’s lazy as shit, okay? Let’s move on!’”

o   Excellent response to Woodrow Wilson’s stroke, which his wife hid from Congress and helped conceal for over a year – “Holy shit! You guys act like this is some fun little quirk of American history, but y’all had a straight-up coup!”

·        Correspondent Piece (Roy) – Efforts to suppress mail-in voting

o   At this point, we’re well-versed in this story, but it just keeps coming, with news that the Supreme Court upheld South Carolina’s witness requirement for ballots and Texas is limiting drop-off places.

o   Good reaction from Roy – “Ah, makes perfect sense! The people in charge of voting making sure that people can’t vote. Feels very American to me.”

o   He talked with Washington’s Secretary of State, who assured him that she’s talked with colleagues “in all 50 states” about making sure citizens can access mail-in voting. Roy wasn’t convinced – “Can you check with Texas one more time? I think they sent you to voicemail.”

·        Interview – Actor Jason Sudeikis

o   I think the last time Sudeikis was on, he and Trevor did a bit for most of the interview as well – this time, it was Trevor “mistaking” Sudeikis’s new series Ted Lasso for a documentary. Some funny moments, but overall, I thought this was rather belabored.

Wednesday, October 7

·        Headlines – The White House outbreak increases

o   Truth – “The virus has been spreading faster than an HBO password on a college campus.”

o   Great description of why Trevor doesn’t think America will be attacked right now, even though the coronavirus is spreading in the Pentagon – “Right now, America is basically that free mattress you see on the curb: you could take it, but you know it’s infested with something.”

·        Tech News – House report urges the breakup of big tech companies, Facebook bans QAnon groups and censors a “sexy” onion photo, Instagram hides negative comments, and Apple adds a “smiling” face mask emoji

o   When Trevor was speculating about what breaking up big tech would look like, I laughed at, “Apple could be broken up into one company that sells you phones and another that sells you a different charger every year for no reason!”

o   It was an obvious joke, but Trevor having a real-time sexual awakening over sexy onions was really funny.

o   Good point on hidden Instagram comments earning instant notoriety – “Oh, you don’t want to see this comment. This was such a great burn, we had to hide it. I mean, goddamn! This was such a sick burn. Don’t look, don’t look! It’s too good!”

·        Main Story – Italian Americans decry tearing down Christopher Columbus statues

o   I loved Trevor’s description of Columbus Day – “The holiday celebrating Christopher Columbus for stumbling ass backwards into the New World and then killing most of the people who lived there.”

o   I liked Trevor’s suggestion that simply beheading these statues was the smartest move, because then you could keep the body and just give it the head of someone who wasn’t canceled.

o   I appreciated that he went into the history of discrimination against Italian Americans in the 19th century and how they latched onto Columbus as a way of seeing themselves in American history – it made people’s distress over the statues coming down make a little more sense.

o   But seriously, their protests were still way over the top – “In a respectful sense, this is our 9/11.” Oh, man.

·        Interview – Documentarian Alexandra Pelosi

o   Pelosi’s new film, American Selfie, is on the racial justice protests – the title comes from the police brutality videos people have filmed on their phones, and how Pelosi was shook as she realized that a “toy” people used for “frivolous” selfies could also be a powerful instrument for change.

o   I appreciated that she talked about the violent clearing of protesters from Lafayette Square, and more than that, the gaslighting that took place afterwards as the government denied doing what they did on camera.

·        Interview – Comedian Colin Quinn

o   Quinn’s ruminations on New York under COVID – “I thought the subways would be cleaner. Rejuvenated like Venice, you know, the fish came back to the canals? But no. The subways have eight people, and they still smell like it’s packed everyday.”

o   He suggested we ought to have a Constitutional Convention every year to ensure good maintenance of our democracy – I smiled at his plan to conduct it like The Masked Singer so no one knows who’s proposing what until tenets have already been agreed upon.

o   Trevor and Quinn commiserated over not being able to get out on the road and do standup during the pandemic – I liked Trevor’s observation that, as comics, “[they’ve] been to the best and worst parts of every state in America.”

Thursday, October 8

·        Main Story – Vice presidential debate

o   100% true – “At some point, I’m not even sure why debates like this have moderators, because what is their job? It’s not cutting off the candidates, and it’s definitely not holding them accountable for what they say.”

o   That was Trevor’s biggest sticking point, the fact that candidates can lie with impunity – “Most of the lies you can pre-fact-check, because these people use the same lies over and over again!”

o   Good joke about why the fly landed on Mike Pence and not Kamala Harris – “Even a fly knows better than to touch a Black woman’s hair.”

o   Dulcé responded to commentary about Kamala Harris’s facial expressions by urging her to look more “presidential,” obviously using Trump gifs as a model – I especially loved the remarks, “I never seen anyone’s eyebrows try to escape their face!” and, “That’s the face you make when your daughter tells you she just wants to be friends.”

·        Trump news – Argument over the second presidential debate, Trump’s remarks on his illness

o   Great impression of Trump admitting the real reason he doesn’t want to do a virtual debate, being held to the rules – “Can you imagine a debate where you stop talking when your time is up? That’s not a world I wanna live in.”

o   Here’s the heart of the matter – “If he understood how the coronavirus works and he actually cared about not spreading it, he would want to do a virtual debate. Unfortunately, neither of those things seem to be true.”

·        Correspondent Piece (Jordan) – Trump rally

o   Kudos to Jordan. These Trump rallies can’t be good for his sanity, and now, he’s risking his health to cover them too – I loved the line about wanting to go home afterwards to “self-isolate and chill.”

o   Great exchange with a Trump supporter over being pro-life – “[You believe] it’s important for Americans to do whatever they can to protect human life.” “Of course!” “Why aren’t you wearing a mask?”

o   “As a debt-relief employee, you make more money under Donald Trump??” – oh my god, that guy was his own unwitting walking punchline. I appreciated that Jordan couldn’t even make this response without breaking. I’m sure he needed the release after all he’d seen.

·        Interview – Journalist/cohost Alex Wagner

o   Really good interview. I liked Wagner’s statement, “We are living through a historical experiment right now,” along with what she said about the importance of keeping that in mind even as we’re digesting all this news minute by minute.

o   Over these last years, but of course increasingly this year, I’m grateful for all the pundits and journalist and scholars who keep repeating, “This is not normal,” validating what so many of us are feeling – the way Wagner put it, “There is a sense of brokenness and a desire to be made whole that is unlike any other period in American politics.”

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