Saturday, August 29, 2020

News Satire Roundup: August 23rd-August 28th

 

Before we get started, RIP, Chadwick Boseman. I was shocked when I heard the news, yesterday. His work brought so much to so many people, and he created amazing art amid incredible pain and trial. I hope that, as his family grieves him, they're able to take some small part of comfort from the outpouring of love that's been shown for him.

 

Sunday, August 23

·       Recap of the Week – DNC, Senate Intelligence Committee report

o   I liked the description of Rhode Island’s part in the DNC roll call, with the official “pledging delegates while standing next to a calamari ninja.”

o   John thought the themes of the DNC were frustratingly non-specific, but while he’d normally “point out that compassion and decency aren’t actual policies,” he allowed them in light of the contrast they painted with Trump.

·       And Now This – Pumpkin spice is back!

o   The show does these hardcore monster-truck-rally-style segments on pumpkin spice every fall, and they’re always fun. This year, I especially loved “It is inevitable!!! Soon all of existence shall be cradled in the fragment pumpkin arms of the spice!!!

·       Main Story – The border wall

o   The footage of Trump boasting that someone who climbec the wall wouldn’t have any way to get down, except “maybe a rope,” never gets old – “That was Trump realizing in real time that his signature plan could be undone by thick string.”

o   John agreed with Trump’s complaints that the steel-slat wall is ugly – “I don’t mean to wall shame, but if I had to make a list of hot walls, this one wouldn’t even crack the top 30.”

o   And of course John’s list of hot walls included Adam Driver – “Collapse on my chest, you impenetrable barrier.”

o   Of the 275 miles of wall the administration has built, only 5 miles of it are in places that didn’t have any previously-existing barriers. So much for “from sea to shining sea.”

o   When John was pointing out the myriad issues with one of the major firms contracted for wall construction – sexual discrimination settlements, tax fraud, repeated criminal violations – all I could think was, “None of the traits you’re listing would deter Trump.”

o   Strong ending, stating that, rather than border security, the wall is a “monument” to Trump and describing the many ways it resembles him – it’s “destructive, pointless, ineffective, weak, racist, and something the damage of which we’re gonna be dealing with for years to come.”

 

Monday, August 24

·       Headlines – Republican National Convention begins, criticism from Trump’s sister, Trump throws weight behind convalescent plasma for COVID-19

o   So wrong, but so good – the RNC will be full of “people going up to Ben Carson and saying, ‘Wait, aren’t you the one who died?’”

o   Interesting note that, while the theme of the DNC was trying to bring in as many people as possible, the RNC seems poised to focus only on satisfying Trump – “You’re in his party now. If you don’t like it, you can get the f**k out or join John Kasich in that field.”

o   Oh man, that Maryland guy during the roll call – talking about the state’s history with the Underground Railroad and then flubbing that it was also home to “two of our great segregatio- abolitionists.” Ouch.

o   Good jokes about Maryanne Trump’s criticism of her brother. I loved Trevor imagining her entrance as a soap opera twist, and great point about dissent within the ranks – “You know things are bad for Trump when he’s having trouble securing the Trump vote.”

·       If You Don’t Know, Now You Know – QAnon

o   I’ve seen several pieces on QAnon lately, and while a lot of this information I already know, I was still shaking my head along with Trevor.

o   I liked the comment that, if a secret cabal of Democrats was achieving eternal youth by drinking the blood of children, they’d be giving it to Ruth Bader-Ginsberg first.

o   Quoted for truth – “You’re telling me Trump is doing something heroic, but instead of taking credit for it, he’s keeping it a secret? That is the most unbelievable thing I have ever heard.”

·       Interview – Political consultant Stuart Stevens

o   Trevor talked with Stevens about his position as a Republican “Never Trumper,” asking how far Trump really veers from a supposed Republican ideal – “Is Donald Trump not just a crass version of what the Republicans wanted?”

o   Stevens argued that there have always been two branches of the Republican Party, a Dwight D. Eisenhower side and a Joseph McCarthy side – he considered himself an Eisenhower and admitted that he used to think that branch was the “dominant gene,” only to find out in recent years that they’re actually recessive.

·       Interview – Editor Radhika Jones & author Ta-Nehisi Coates

o   Jones and Coates were there to discuss the new issue of Vanity Fair that they put together, which delves into Breonna Taylor’s story.

o   I was intrigued by Trevor’s question asking “how you’re going to tell a story we already know in a way that we don’t know” – Coates’s answer was to “hand [Taylor’s mother] the mic,” realizing that her own story was more profound than any commentary he could give on it.

o   Jones talked about her decision to pair Black entertainers with Black activists and authors within the issue, citing a really cool quote from Dr. Angela Davis – “Art is the thing that makes you feel what you might not yet fully understand.”

Tuesday, August 25

·       Main Story – RNC night 1

o   Trevor figured the RNC would have a tough time selling people on another four years of Trump, given that “we live in a plague-scarred hellscape where 180,000 people have died and we can’t go to a movie or hug our grandparents.”

o   To that end, “At the last RNC, they spent the whole time talking about the 4 dead Americans in Benghazi. But now, they’re saying Donald Trump did a great job by only having 45,000 Benghazis!”

o   Great comments on the people of color who spoke, like Nikki Haley and Tim Scott, who told inspiring stories about their families overcoming racism while holding up their own success as proof that racism isn’t a systemic problem in America.

o   Trevor pointed out, “If America didn’t have a racism problem, then their achievements wouldn’t be a big deal,” since Haley wouldn’t be one of the only South Asian governors or Scott one of the only Black senators.

o   I loved Trevor spiraling out with all the RNC’s wildly-contradictory fearmongering about a hypothetical Biden presidency – I didn’t write it down, but I know it included stuff like, “They got rid of all the prisons, so all the criminals are on the street where they can shoot us, but they took all the guns, so the only way we can fight is on Twitter, but words are canceled!” Awesome.

o   Excellent capper – “It’s hard to scare people about the damage Joe Biden could do after the damage Donald Trump has already done. ‘Joe Biden could destroy your way of life!’ Dude, I’m Clorox-wiping my grapes, how much worse could shit get?”

·       “Unconventional” News – Putin opponent poisoned, postmaster general appears before the House, Jerry Falwell Jr. sex scandal, California wildfires

o   Great description of Russia – “It’s like if a frown was a country.”

o   I appreciated that Trevor took issue, not with the sex scandal that Falwell was involved in, but with the hypocrisy of Falwell condemning others for their sexual behavior – I loved the line, “Sometimes I think guys like this are reading a different Bible than the rest of us.”

·       Correspondent Piece (Roy & Desi) – “America’s Got Suppression”

o   This was a fake game show with “contestants” from North Carolina “vying” to be the most suppressed voter.

o   Roy’s intro said it all – “The number-one show about how the freest, most democratic country in the world keeps some of its citizens from voting!”

o   While the contestants shared their stories about voter ID laws, gerrymandering, and outright fraud by a candidate’s opposing party, the only winner of the night was Mitch McConnell.

·       Interview – Actors Chris Evans & Mark Kassen

o   Evans and Kassen have put together a website called A Starting Point, which interviews elected officials to get just-the-facts talking heads about their stances on a variety of issues in the hopes of breaking through the rhetoric to educate.

o   Evans came ready to play, armed with words like “obfuscation” and “ouroboros.” He explained that they’re trying to combat “the exhaustion of the political landscape,” whereby people get so fed up with the equivocation and evasion that they disengage.

o   Trevor asked Evans whether he thought it was right to interview people like Ted Cruz for the site, and while Evans understood the concern about GOP officials using his Marvel clout to make themselves seem more palatable, he pushed back against the idea of not talking to them – because these are people “writing bills that [affect] your life,” we can’t afford to not engage.

Wednesday, August 26

·       Main Story – RNC night 2

o   Trevor “agreed” with the RNC about how much Trump has done to support women – I can’t remember the whole list, but I know it ended with “…And he stood by Ghislaine Maxwell when on one else would. If [all] that doesn’t make him a feminist, then maybe I don’t know what that word means!”

o   He did genuinely agree that Melania Trump had the best speech of the night, but “it’s easy to Be Best when everyone else is Being Worst.”

o   Great comments on how “the person who determines whether there has been an ethics violation [of the Hatch Act] is the person committing the ethics violations” – “It’s almost like America’s laws were designed by the same people who designed the Death Star. ‘This is an impenetrable and flawlessly-designed system! But we’re gonna leave a little gap in here so someone can come and blow the whole thing up!”

·       Jacob Blake police shooting

o   No “Unconventional News” segment tonight, because this was all Trevor was talking about. As he has (sadly) proven time and again, his commentary on this issue is consistently incisive and heartfelt.

o   God, when Trevor was asking why the officer felt he “had” to shoot Blake in the back seven times, pointing out how wild animals are often brought in with tranquilizers or nets – “I never thought I’d wish for Black people to be treated like a wild bear, but here we are.”

o   Throughout the whole piece, the prevailing feeling was one of exhaustion. After sharing an excellent news clip featuring Blake’s sister, Trevor said, “Black people are tired of being told, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then nothing happens. Because essentially, what Black people are hearing is, ‘I’m sorry this is happening, and I’m sorry that it’s going to happen again.’”

o   And Trevor knows that well, five seasons into his time on the show – I really felt for him when he said, “I could tell this story with my eyes closed by now! If I wanted to, I could pre-record five of these segments and go on vacation and you’d probably never know.”

o   He also had amazing commentary on the white 17-year-old “militia” member who shot three protesters in Kenosha, killing two – “Let me tell you something. No one drives into a city with guns because they love someone else’s business that much, that’s some bullshit.” (Trevor’s disgust was palpable.) “No one has ever thought, ‘Well, it’s my solemn duty to pick up a rifle and defend that T.J. Maxx.’ They do it because they’re hoping to shoot someone.”

o   Which brought us to the real kicker, Blake being shot in the back seven times for a hypothetical threat with a potential weapon while that shooter shot three people in front of witnesses and strolled past police (fully armed) without incident – “Why is it the police decide that some threats must be extinguished immediately, while other threats get the privilege of being defused?”

·       Correspondent Piece (Jordan) – The Federal Election Commission

o   Because of course the group in charge of safeguarding campaign finance law is completely toothless because Trump hasn’t nominated enough commissioners for them to reach a quorum.

o   Jordan compared the FEC to mall cops – they can threaten, but there’s really nothing they can actually do.

·       Interview – Creator/actor Ramy Youssef

o   Trevor was as big a fan of Ramy as I am, and he told Youssef about all the people he worked to convert to the show after watching season 1.

o   Depressingly true – “We [Muslims] haven’t really had a chance to see ourselves onscreen in a story that doesn’t involve explosives or national security.”

o   Youssef was intent on making the characters flawed and complex, explaining, “I’m not trying to make something that’s some sort of PR hit to make us look good and make it seem like, ‘Hey, we deserve to be in this country – give us a shot! Like, look how cute we are in Ramy on Hulu!’”

o   I loved Youssef’s summation of the show, which is very much in line with how I think of it – it’s about “someone trying to fill the gap between who they are and who they want to be.”

Thursday, August 27

·       Main Story – RNC night 3

o   Mike Pence, “a man so boring that during his midlife crisis, he bought a minivan.”

o   Trevor did a nice job breaking down the BS in Pence’s speech, like how he neglected to mention that a police officer “killed during the Oakland riots” was killed by a white nationalist terrorist – I liked the analogy, “It’s kind of like saying Bruce Lee died during the Vietnam War. Yeah, that’s technically correct, because he died in 1973, but it wasn’t while he was fighting the Vietcong!”

o   Good point that Pence “implies” lies rather than outright tells them – “There’s no commandment that says, ‘Thou shalt suggest false witness against thy neighbor.’”

o   Great bit about Pence describing the horrors of “Joe Biden’s America” in light of what we’re currently experiencing – “‘You won’t be safe in Joe Biden’s America.’ Bitch, I can’t even go to a Denny’s right now!”

o   The implied lies/revisionist history continued through Pence’s description of Trump’s coronavirus response – I loved, “It’s great that you ‘bought time’ to launch a national mobilization, but what would’ve been better was if you actually used that invaluable time to actually do the national mobilization.”

·       Farewell Montage – Kellyanne Conway

o   It’s been a while since the show has done one of these “tributes.” We’ve got classics in there like “alternative facts,” and I’d forgotten about, “This is COVID-19, not COVID-1, folks” - goodness gracious.

·       Fake Campaign Video – President Trump

o   If Steve Buscemi was a great choice to voice Biden’s video, somehow Jeffrey Wright was even better for Trump’s – something about his calm, steady voice spouting all that nonsense.

o   While other presidents let Muslim immigrants and refugees come to America, “President Trump knew they were just advance scouts for an army of super-Muslims.”

o   I loved the recurring gag of, “We now have The Wall! (coming soon)”, with the “release date” getting pushed out further every time.

o   The writing for this was so on point, and Wright’s delivery was impeccable – I especially loved the description of Trump as “a man brave enough to stare down the sun” and the bit about him rallying around upstanding Americans like “white cultural enthusiasts” (white supremacists) and “unorthodox babysitters” (Ghislaine Maxwell, omg.)

o   Oh man, when they were leading into the bit about Trump between a “great orator,” I died after they played a clip of Obama’s victory speech and Wright just said, “Incomprehensible.” Ha!

·       “Unconventional News” – NBA strike, CDC changes COVID-19 testing recommendations, Hurricane Laura

o   This was a good point – “Sports doesn’t stop for anything, so when sports does shut down, people take notice.” It reminded me of how the suspension of the NBA season was what made a lot of people realize that this pandemic wasn’t playing around.

o   Amazing line – “I’m also glad that this movement was started by the players and not by the league, because you know the league would’ve just put out a ‘Let’s Dunk on Racism’ poster and called it a day.”

o   Loved Trevor’s response to conflicting Jared Kushner interviews, one where he was dismissal of the NBA strike and one where he called on them to come up with “real solutions” – “I’m sorry, guys, I’m a little bit confused. Are NBA players supposed to just shut up and dribble, or literally fix racism all by themselves?”

o   Trevor had a great take on Hurricane Laura tearing down a Confederate statue – “Republicans don’t believe in climate change, but they do believe in cancel culture. So if weather is tearing down their statues, maybe now they’ll finally do something to stop it!”

o   That bit also had a terrific capper – “Props to Hurricane Laura for ripping down that statue, but you know next week Hurricane Karen’s gonna roll in and call the cops on her for doing it.”

·       Correspondent Piece (Jaboukie) – Interview with a young Trump supporter, trying to understand the appeal

o   Just an okay piece, but I laughed out loud when the Trump supporter turned to the camera and said, “Love you, Trump, if you’re watching this, and I’m a big supporter…” and Jaboukie just flatly remarked, “He’s not watching.”

 Friday, August 28

·       Main Story – RNC night 4

o   We got another Friday-night show this week to finish off the RNC (“also known as the place where Facebook comments come to life!”)

o   Trevor’s reaction to the viral moment of Melania dropping her smile as Ivanka walked by made me laugh out loud – the “Oh. My. God. Did you guys see that?”, followed by the exuberant “goddamn!” after he rewound to watch it a second time.

o   Great summation of Trump’s speech – “the longest, most boring, low-energy Jeb-Bush-ass speech of his entire life!” I also liked Trevor listing the crazy stuff he’d been hoping to hear instead.

o   I liked the dramatization of the “Joe Biden is the Trojan Horse of socialism” idea, with the socialists climbing out of the horse to inflict universal healthcare and paid family leave on the country.

o   Yeesh, that footage of all those people at the convention getting so close to each other and not wearing masks – “Trump basically decided his speech was going to kill one way or another.”

·       Correspondent Piece (Dulcé) – Examining virtual convention participants’ backgrounds

o   Before Dulcé came on, Trevor reviewed some of his favorite moments of both conventions, like Pam Bondi railing against Joe Biden’s “nepotism” while the “Coming Up Soon” banner at the bottom of the screen was nothing but Trump children – “You don’t usually get that many Trumps together without a special prosecutor in the room.”

o   Dulcé had some amusing remarks on people’s backgrounds – I liked her telling Chicago mayor Lori Lightfood, “Girl, we know the shades are down ‘cause you’re trying to hide all the protesters!”

o   I laughed at this line too – “Someone needs to give Andrew Yang $1,000 a month so he can move out of the Days Inn business center he’s clearly living in.”

·       Interview – NBA coach Doc Rivers & team owner Steve Ballmer

o   This interview, about the NBA strike, opened on a powerful clip of Rivers addressing the press – I was especially moved by, “All you hear is Donald Trump and them talking about fear. We’re the ones being killed,” and “It’s amazing why we keep loving this country and this country not loving us back.”

o   Rivers backed up Trevor’s supposition that playing in the NBA “bubble,” separated from their families, made the players feel the magnitude of this moment even harder.

o   Balmer had an interesting, albeit depressing, point that they have a better chance of influencing bipartisan support because the league/team owners (a.k.a. the rich white guys) are standing alongside the players this time.

·       Interview – Actress/singer Keke Palmer

o   Trevor and Palmer agreed that her greatest claim to fame was becoming the “I don’t know this man”/“sorry to this man” meme, with Trevor calling it “like being the Shakespeare of 2020.”

o   What a beautiful compliment Trevor paid Palmer – “You express the complexity of being Black in a way that few people understand. Being Black comes with a lot of pain, but being Black has also created from that pain a lot of joy. Being Black is being able to tell jokes, being able to sing, being able to dance, whilst also fighting against systems of oppression. That’s what being Black is, and I feel like Keke Palmer represents that.”

o   Palmer in turn responded beautifully with her advice to others – “See what’s going on, what’s going around, but don’t let it break you. Don’t let it push you down. Use it the same way those before us did and let your resilience sing through and showcase your heart to the world.”

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