Saturday, July 25, 2020

News Satire Roundup: July 19th-July 23rd


Sunday, July 19
·       Recap of the Week – School reopening debate
o   John’s question to Mike Pence was so on point – if we don’t want to let CDC guidelines “interfere” with school reopenings, “then what exactly are [the guidelines] for?”
o   Flames burst out the side of my face when Sen. Kennedy condescendingly said that “even Vietnam” reopened schools – kudos to John for pointing out that they did that after they’d had zero community transmission for a month, whereas the U.S. is currently averaging 60-70,000 new cases a day
·       And Now This – Parents on TV wish their kids were back in school
·       Main Story – Conspiracy theories
o   Okay, I laughed at that “Hello Flat Earth” Adele parody
o   I appreciated that John admitted to finding certain conspiracies alluring himself, even though he knows it isn’t rational
o   Nice illustrative point comparing the JFK and Ronald Reagan assassination attempts – the circumstances of both events are almost entirely similar, but because the outcome of JFK’s is so much larger than Reagan’s, his abounds with conspiracy theories while no one really doubts that John Hinckley Jr. did what he did
o   John acknowledged that even speaking out against conspiracy theories would be used as further proof of how “deep” the cover-up goes, but he countered it with the point that that would mean his parent company AT&T would be behind it too, and he doubted their ability to pull it off – “How would they even be sending me orders? Sprint??”
o   Good point – “Donald Trump loves to release [conspiracy theories] into the world and then refuse to take responsibility for them ever again”
o   Great ending, with a variety of cherry-picked celebrities recording PSAs to gently nudge people away from conspiracies – my favorites included John Cena admitting that some seemingly-impossible things are actually true (like him and John being the exact same age,) Paul Rudd confessing that he once thought he was dead when he saw rumors of his death trending, and Billy Porter urging people to use their brain “like it’s the first roll of toilet paper in a brand-new pack: unsparingly and with gusto!”


Monday, July 20
·       Headlines – Sen. John Lewis’s passing, Kanye West campaign rally, Trader Joe’s will change racist packaging
o   Great comments on Mitch McConnell’s tribute to John Lewis – I laughed at, “It’s a lot like if the Joker wrote a eulogy for Batman,” but then Trevor came in hard with, “Mitch McConnell always sends a sweet message when a Black colleague dies because it’s one less person he has to keep from voting”
o   And oof, those senators tweeting about Lewis with pictures of Elijah Cummings – “This probably explains why Republicans only have one Black guy in Congress at a time”
o   After Kanye West disparaged Harriet Tubman at his campaign rally (which, what?!), Trevor called it “the weirdest hip-hop beef of all time”
o   I liked the fake ad for a food delivery service that sells racist brands/logos that were pull from the shelves – “Build-a-Wall-nuts” was great
·       Main Story – Chris Wallace’s Fox News interview with Trump
o   After Trump falsely claimed that the U.S. had the lowest COVID-19 mortality rate in the world, we looked at the selective chart the administration used for that claim, which still didn’t show the U.S. as the lowest – “Even on a bullshit chart, it’s still not true!”
o   Great line – “I kind of want to give Trump a book to read just to see how he would explain it back to me”
o   Trevor rightfully side-eyed Trump’s description of our “two beautiful world wars” (“This guy can objectify anything!”
·       Interview – former National Security Advisor Susan Rice
o   Rice hoped “John Lewis’s legacy is to give us a kick in the pants” to fight to improve the country
o   After discussing the administration’s pandemic response and the federal police in unmarked cars grabbing protesters in Portland, Rice was understandably focused on getting Biden elected in November – she didn’t confirm any VP rumors but emphasized she was prepared to help in whatever way she could
·       Interview – actress Nathalie Emmanuel
o   In talking about getting involved in Britain’s Black Lives Matter protests, Emmanuel didn’t mince words – “I’m just sick of seeing people dying”
o   Like many actors of color, she stressed the importance of representation and opportunities both in front of and behind the camera

Tuesday, July 21
·       Headlines – Vaccine updates, national coin shortage, London of Tower guards to be furloughed, violent police response at Portland protests
o   Trevor’s impression of Americans making a COVID vaccine partisan was too perfect – “You think it’s a coincidence that ‘coronavirus’ has the letters A, O, and C in it??”
o   Trevor couldn’t see how the royal family can’t afford to keep paying the guards – among other suggestions, he said, “Sell off some of that stolen art in your museum. I mean, you already committed half the crime, might as well finish the job.”
o   Looking at the footage of federal police pulling protesters into unmarked vans, Trevor asked, “How are people even supposed to tell the difference between getting arrested and getting kidnapped?”
·       Main story – School reopening debate
o   Here we are with this story again. At least we got to start out with Trevor’s impression of Trump claiming he’s always supported face masks – “I invented it. No one knew what it was. I said, ‘It’s a mask. Mask’” (Trevor’s Trump impression, always and forever!)
o   The only silver lining if schools reopen is the possibility of less bullying – “I’d shove you in a locker right now, but my nana has a compromised immune system!”
o   Because of course, even if kids are less susceptible to COVID, they’re still going home to their families – “Coronavirus is like ‘Baby Shark’: it can’t hurt kids, but it will destroy adults’ lives.”
·       Correspondent piece (Roy & Michael) – The NBA “bubble”
o   Roy didn’t trust the idea of the mostly-Black players being restrictively held together under heavy surveillance – “This is basically prison with less defense!”
o   Sigh, of course people have already broken quarantine.
·       Interview – musician Buju Banton
o   Banton discussed the power of making his first album after having been in prison for 10 years, using music to reconnect to everything and everyone he’d been cut off from
o   Trevor highlighted the vulnerability displayed on the album, with one song dedicated to each year of Banton’s imprisonment and ten more devoted to the future
·       Performance – “Buried Alive”
o   I have embarrassingly-little exposure to reggae music, but I liked this – I especially loved the repeated line, “I was buried alive, but I’m still breathing.”

Wednesday, July 22
·       Headlines – Baseball to resume, new mask rules as Disney World, German COVID-19 concert “experiment,” Rep. Ted Yoho’s non-apology to Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
o   In addition to MLB piping in crowd noise in the empty stadiums, Trevor suggested viewers get in on the experience at home too – for instance, “grab a beer from the fridge and rip up a $20 bill.”
o   I laughed at, “How is Disney gonna talk to us about our food hygiene while the little mermaid is literally over here brushing her hair with a fork?”
o   Trevor was impressed that Germany has quashed COVID-19 so hard that they’re now holding a 4,000-person indoor concert as an “experiment” on how the virus spreads – “What. A. Flex. Now this is how to shit on the rest of the world!”
o   Great response to Ted Yoho’s non-apology on the House floor – “Why is he saying, ‘I can’t apologize for loving my God?’ Man, loving God doesn’t make you say those things [call AOC a “fucking bitch]!”
·       Main Story – Trump resumes coronavirus briefings
o   We went through Trump’s usual approach to problem-solving – “First he pretends the problem doesn’t exist. Then he pretends he’s already solved the problem. And then if that doesn’t work, he blames the media and the Democrats for the problem he probably created.”
o   Even though he reminded us how many times Trump has pulled the “somber tone” trick before, Trevor admitted to being affected by seeing the president appear to take the pandemic seriously – “When a scientist says it, it’s because those are the facts. When Trump says it, it’s because reality is so awful that it cut through the thousands of layers of paranoid delusion.”
o   I liked the crack that Trump’s “inner feminist” apparently only comes out in support of Ghislane Maxwell – “She broke the glass ceiling of sex trafficking, you’ve gotta respect that.”
·       Guest correspondent piece (Jordan) – Trump boater rally
o   Great line – “It is a line of Trump boats as far as the eye can see. It really just keeps going; it’s like an election polling place in a minority district.”
o   I loved Jordan calling out to another boat, “Make America Great Again is a weird slogan for an incumbent!”
o   Also wonderful? Jordan getting in on all the flag action by using maritime signal flags to spell out “covfefe”
·       Interview – Actor/author Jim Carrey
o   Understandably, this was an odd interview but very interesting
o   In discussing his new memoir/novel, I liked Carrey’s philosophy that “fiction is a way to tell the truth,” explaining that the only way he knew how to tell his story was by incorporating fiction (side note: as soon as he mentioned Charlie Kaufman as a character in the book, I realized it reminded me of a Charlie Kaufman movie.)
o   Good observations on persona, especially, “If it’s big enough and powerful enough, that’s something you have to drag around with you” – i.e., Carrey is expected to be a clown everywhere he goes, Trevor is expected to be politically-insightful.

Thursday, July 23
·       Headlines – Viral shot of Canadian/U.S. tourist boats at Niagara Falls, “glory holes” recommended for safe pandemic sex, rockets sent to Mars, the Washington Football Team (final name pending,) Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez responds to Ted Yoho’s non-apology, Trump’s cognitive test, Joe Biden calls Trump America’s “first racist president”
o   Trevor offered the “Mike Pence method” as another safe-sex idea – “If you do it, you go in the bedroom first, and then lock the door behind you so no one else can get in.”
o   Trevor didn’t think scientists should be working on anything other than a vaccine right now – “No Mars until you finish your corona!”
o   I loved the line, “I feel like obsessing over a dementia test you took two years ago is the real dementia test.”
o   After giving a handy list of the racist actions of some of our past presidents (from slaveowning to Klan affiliations to genocide,) Trevor pointed out, “And that’s just the shit we know about!”
·       Main Story – The Spanish Flu pandemic
o   The last pandemic of this scale was back in 1918, “back before they even invented smiling!”
o   Interesting rundown of similarities between then and now – inadequate federal response, conspiracy theories, reopening too early, resistance to wearing masks
o   Great line – “Sometimes it seems like Trump is a Frankenstein, but he’s only made up of the worst parts of all the previous presidents.”
o   I laughed at, “Why wouldn’t people in 1918 wear masks? I mean, the past smelled like shit all the time!”
·       Correspondent piece (Desi) – Zoom chat with Desi’s “uncle” Rudy Giuliani
o   This was a middling bit, but I loved Giuliani’s “response” to Desi’s final question, asking if he’s seen Hamilton yet – “I don’t want a group that hates white people, that hates America, funded by Marxists and funded by terrorists, seen by my childen.”
·       Interview – Therapist/podcast host Esther Perel
o   Perel was there to discuss the psychology of relationships during COVID-19, how the pandemic’s “prolonged sense of uncertainty” is affecting relationships.
o   Good point that everyone is processing this in their own way but still tends to think, “My coping strategy is the right strategy,” which leads to conflict with partners who aren’t coping the “right” way
o   I appreciate that Trevor brought up the rise in domestic abuse, so Perel could discuss both the root causes of that and ways that people are trying to get help to survivors

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