Saturday, July 18, 2020

News Satire Roundup: July 13th-July 16th


Monday, July 13
·       Headlines – Washington Redskins will change their name, Trump commutes Roger Stone’s prison sentence
o   On the Redskins, great note about America just “crossing off the easier items on its racism to-do list”
o   Very true – the “law-and-order president” becomes a total “prison abolitionist” when he comes to people committing crimes on his behalf
·       Pandemic News – No reported deaths in New York City, surges across the U.S., Disney World reopens, Trump wears a face mask, the administration slams Dr. Fauci
o   Trevor was disheartened by new reports of long testing lines and PPE shortages in hotspots, the same problems we were dealing with in March – “Other than coronavirus getting a summer tan, nothing has changed”
o   How maddening is it that seeing the president of the U.S. wear an effing face mask in the middle of a pandemic was so surprising that it constituted breaking news?
o   For Trump supporters, seeing Trump wear a face mask “must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter protest with AOC”
o   The show “helped” Trump out with a Dr. Fauci smear ad – “We don’t need leaders who change their assessment when they get new information! We need leaders who stick with their gut assessment despite new information!”
·       Main story – The school reopening debate
o   I loved Trevor’s description of schools that plan to fully reopen with no safeguards – “Sort of like the Hunger Games, except instead of money, you get no grandparents!”
o   Our president, ladies and gentlemen – “Just to be clear, he won’t touch the police, but he’ll defund the shit out of schools”
o   Michael joined in with his own plan – since parents want kids out of the house and kids appear less susceptible to COVID-19,  let’s kill two birds with one stone and “send children to work at meatpacking plants”
o   So sad but true – “Child labor never went away, we just outsourced it to other countries” (Michael’s “trying to bring those American jobs back home!”)
·       InterviewHillary Clinton
o   Clinton was greatly concerned about voter suppression efforts, but she was optimistic that “the more people who can actually get to the polls”/vote by mail, the more likely it is that Trump won’t get a second term
o   I liked this advice – “Whatever it is that motivates you, having something bigger than yourself to get you up in the morning”
o   In discussing Trump’s response to the pandemic, Clinton made the same point that many have made in recent months – “He made it clear that he was more interested in optics than the facts”

Tuesday, July 14
·       Headlines – Coronavirus updates, Ghislane Maxwell denied bail, China’s new security law against Hong Kong, Tucker Carlson’s writer fired for racist/sexist posts, the Trump administration’s “Find Something New” campaign
o   I laughed at Trevor starting the coronavirus news in California, “home to the most gorgeous Emmy voters in the nation (sup, y’all?)”
o   Very true – “Coronavirus has no politics. It doesn’t give a shit what state you live in. Coronavirus is the most bipartisan thing to happen to America since hating Jussie Smollett”
o   If Ghislane Maxwell informed on Prince Andrew, it would be the biggest story in British news, “unless of course Meghan Markle bought the wrong kind of avocado that week or something”
o   Trevor didn’t think China should punish Hongkongers who vote against them – “What you’re supposed to do is just reduce the number of polling locations and tell them their ID is incorrect because their picture has a Black face. That’s democracy!”
o   Ah, yes, Tucker Carlson’s “long-planned” mid-week vacation after the scandal over his writer, “because the trout never expects you to show up on a Tuesday!”
o   I loved the show’s “Finding Something New” ad directed specifically at President Trump, urging him to try a different job
·       Main Story – 2020 election
o   Trevor was indignant at folks who are suggesting people only consider Trump’s pre-COVID track record in deciding their vote – I definitely felt, “‘Remember February’? You want us to remember February?!?”
o   The encouraging polls, juxtaposed with the ultra-sanguine predictions before the 2016 election, ably demonstrated why no one can get complacent now
·       Correspondent Piece (Dulcé) – 2020 Census
o   Following up on her earlier piece on the the importance of filling out the census, Dulcé looked today at people/states who are working to undermine an accurate census count
o   The expert Dulcé interviewed told her, “They’re doing all of this [census suppression] to discourage us, but what we have to do is show them that we see them”
·       Interview – Comedian Hannibal Buress
o   I liked Buress’s saga of how he tried to recreate the usual experience of being a Daily Show guest – driving around somewhere so he could “arrive” (back at his home,) putting a digital backdrop of the show’s set behind him
o   He and Trevor discussed ways to keep standup alive during the pandemic – I liked Buress’s idea of doing a drive-in tour of his latest standup special

Wednesday, July 15
·       Headlines – The Trumps hawk Goya products, Mary Trump’s new book, Jeff Sessions loses primary bid,
o   Learning that the Trumps might have violated ethics laws by endorsing Goya products, Trevor was shocked – “There are still ethics laws??”
o   Good joke about Trump being an indiscriminate lech, using the example of putting a pictures of breasts on a tree – “Damn, redwood, I had no idea!”
o   Great description of Jeff Sessions as “the world’s smallest Confederate monument”
·       Black Lives Matter News – Misuse of a police gang-member database, a paroled teenager jailed after not doing homework, Trump’s view on police shootings
o   I loved Trevor’s remarks on the super-messed-up gang-member database story – “Police are incentivized to create criminals and crime because they get paid more if they do”
o   Great demonstration that Trump’s answer to Black Lives Matter (“police kill more white people!”) isn’t the ringing endorsement he thinks it is – “No, they’re killing everybody! These cops are lunatics! Black, white, brown…. All lives don’t matter!”
·       Pandemic News – Vaccine-trial update, anti-mask protests, the administration reroutes data away from the CDC, school reopening debate, teenagers using face masks to scam liquor stores
o   The director of the CDC said the U.S. could get COVID-19 under control if everybody wore masks for 4 to 8 weeks – let that sink in
o   What teachers are potentially facing this fall is awful – I smiled at Trevor’s plan to just suspend as many students as possible to reduce the number of people in the classroom
·       Interview – Rep. Katie Porter
o   A good portion of the interview was spent discussing school openings – I appreciated Porter’s point about how childcare/at-home learning during the pandemic has disproportionate impacts on different households, just like all the other disparities COVID-19 has highlighted
o   Unfortunately, her eagerness to get kids back in school but do it “safely” seemed a little at odds with itself – it sounds like most hybrid programs wouldn’t have kids in school more than a couple days a week, which isn’t all that helpful in getting parents back to work (especially if they have multiple kids who are off on different days)
·       Interview – Actress/playwright Danai Gurira
o   Gurira talked with Trevor about the “Difficult Conversations with My White Friends” videos she’s been putting up on social media, which I’m definitely interested in checking out
o   She stressed the emphasis of everyone needing to come together collaboratively (on fighting both the pandemic and system racism) – “No one’s safe until everyone’s safe”

Thursday, July 16
·       Headlines – Trevor addresses his “hoodie” controversy, Twitter hack, Kanye West’s presidential run, Trump demotes his campaign manager, Georgia’s governor won’t allow city governments to mandate masks, a North Carolina city approves reparations
o   Trevor’s “hoodie apology” was perfectly on-point – “To anyone that I have made feel hot, I apologize […] Also, completely unrelated to this scandal, we won’t have a show Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, as I’m taking a long-planned vacation to go trout fishing”
o   After Twitter assured us that Trump’s account wasn’t hacked, Trevor wondered how we’d be able to tell if it was (his theory? Correct spelling)
o   Trevor couldn’t figure out why Georgia’s governor said there was no point in making a mask law because not everyone would follow it – “We don’t need laws? We’re already living through Outbreak, I don’t wanna add The Purge too!”
o   Dulcé joined in with Trevor to discuss reparations in North Carolina, but she wasn’t convinced yet – “I’ve been Black far too long to trust government promises”
·       Main Story – International coronavirus news
o   I agree with Trevor – why is it a bad thing if Russia hacks vaccine research? (Also, why did they need to hack it? Why isn’t everyone already sharing what they know on this?)
o   But I did laugh at Trevor side-eyeing Russia’s decision to hack the U.S. specifically, given its terrible coronavirus response – “This is like cheating off the kid that just draws dicks all over the test”
o   Great response to Japanese theme-park goers being told, “Please scream inside your heart,” on roller coasters – “That’s the same advice Dr. Fauci gives himself before every press conference”
·       Interview – Dr. Michelle Harper
o   Harper was there to talk about her memoir about fighting COVID-19 on the frontlines – my heart broke for her when she said, “We’re treated as more disposable than our equipment”
o   She also had important observations about low-income essential workers, like meatpackers, mail carriers, or grocery-store workers, noting, “They’re not healthcare workers; they didn’t sign up for this”
o   Her remarks on prisoners were really affecting too, pointing out that “they can’t make their own decisions” (i.e., when to go in and seek healthcare) – that whole crisis is so terrible
·       Interview – actor Patton Oswalt
o   Oswalt on home-schooling his kids during lockdown – “No matter what you do, education is not fun” (although Trevor thought his throwaway comment about trying to incorporate American history into swimming was a winner!)
o   He was there to discuss a docuseries based on his late wife’s research/book about the Golden State Killer, of course a bittersweet experience for him – it’s good that he’s able to take comfort in what her work provides for survivors

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