New Satire Roundup: May 31st-June 4th

Sunday, May 31^st

·       Recap of the Week – George Floyd’s murder, protests in Minneapolis and around the U.S.

o   While Tucker Carlson wrung his hand over looting, John’s focus was (obviously) instead on the U.S.’s “legacy of white supremacy that prioritizes white comfort over Black safety”

o   Ugh, Trump’s “when the looting starts, the shooting starts” – John was disgusted/impressed with Trump’s position as “the Library of fucking Alexandria of 20^th-century racist maxims,” given his ignorance in every other avenue

o   John mentioned just how much there is to unpack in this still-unfolding story, which, to me, spelled, “We’re not going to go in-depth on this yet because we need more time to give this subject the episode it deserves”

·       Main Story – Voting by mail

o   For John, Trump’s lying rants about mail-in voting hearkened back to “his classic 2016 hits about voter fraud and rigged elections,” in the days before the smoking ruin of 2020

o   I loved John’s tangent about “who hell owns a fully-functioning pencil?!”, in response to a poll worker questioning whether voters would need to bring their own pencils to minimize COVID-19 transmission with in-person voting

o   John calling the coronavirus “the Donald Trump” of infectious diseases was perfect – “it doesn’t give a fuck about democracy, it’s weirdly shaped, and it disproportionately affects minorities”)

o   John’s adoration for Louisiana’s “I Voted” sticker – featuring a pelican with a crown and an inexplicable earring – was incredibly on brand

o   That Texas official snidely asking, “Have you been to the grocery store?” in response to the idea of COVID-19 being a valid reason to get a mail-in ballot was gross – as John put it, “Going to the grocery store doesn’t mean people aren’t afraid; it means they have to eat”

·       And Now This – Newscasters scrutinize remote correspondents’ home décor

·       Finally – UFC update

o   After UFC president Dana White stole John’s idea to call his “Fight Island” “UF-Sea,” John was ready with more name ideas – my favorite was “UFC: Knuckle Showdown”

o   White had his own impressive trademarks, though – I died at “Fight Library”

Sunday, May 31

·       Main Story – COVID-19 and Supply Chains

o   Hasan focused on two main supply chains: PPE and meatpacking, highlighting the problems disrupting both and Trump’s very different reaction to the two issues

o   To start off, Hasan highlighted the depth of America’s problem with two stark statistics – the U.S. is 4% of the world’s population but accounts for 31% of COVID-19 cases

o   Looking at how U.S. supply chains maximize efficiency and profit, Hasan held up Amazon as the prime example – if you wanna “make Jeff Bezos rock hard,” “don’t talk about how big Amazon’s warehouses are. Talk about how small their unions are”

o   Great point about how, in the U.S., everything we want (iPhones, Netflix, etc.) is amazing and everything we need (schools, hospitals, etc.) is falling apart

o   I loved the shade on Trump’s tweet where he (after 2 months of healthcare workers pleading for PPE) announced “Invoke P!” (evidently the Defense Production Act) – “No one knows what this means, but it sounds like what Benedict Cumberebatch calls sex”

o   But in contrast, it only took Trump 2 days to invoke the Defense Production Act for meatpacking plants, and Hasan spelled out precisely what that meant – “He’s not forcing them to stay open, he’s giving them cover to stay open to protect them from liability”

o   The result? 12 of the 25 biggest hotspots in the U.S. began in meatpacking plants

o   We ended on the big mic-drop line – “Real wartime presidents care about the frontlines, not the bottom line”