Saturday, May 16, 2020

News Satire Roundup: May 10th-May 14th


Sunday, May 10
·       Recap of the Week – the Supreme Court’s remote sessions, the DOJ dropping the case against Michael Flynn, Trump’s maskless visit to a mask factory
o   I liked the description of Michael Flynn as “looking like GI Joe’s emotionally-withholding father”
o   John had righteous words for Trump’s attitude toward the pandemic – “You can’t just call everyone warriors and make their deaths not count,” rhetoric that seems “designed to make us accept deaths we ought to try and prevent”
·       And Now This – Viewer complaints on a local news show
·       Main Story – The US Postal Service
o   I loved John’s glee at discovering you can send live poultry through the mail – why would he ever send a card again when he can send “a thank-you turkey, a birthday duck, [or] a sympathy goose?”
o   Fun bit on the ‘80s commercial for stamp-collecting, focusing on all the “coolest” stamps – “There’s nothing doper than a bitching lace stamp” (I love it whenever John uses “cool” lingo; his delivery slays me every time)
o   This was indirectly a COVID-19-related story. There was of course the added risk mail carriers are facing right now (“Are we essential or sacrificial?”), along with the added importance of being able to rely on the USPS now that we’re all supposed to be staying home, which makes their financial difficulties crucial
o   But, naturally, then there’s Trump (sigh,) who “makes policy decisions based on his neverending game of Six Degrees of ‘How is This about Me’?”
o   John’s description of his “quarantine brain” was so relatable, saying that if he found himself magically transported to the Jurassic era, his first thought would be, “Holy shit, those stegosauruses are standing way too close together!”


Monday, May 11
·       Ray of Sunshine – Drive-through German rave, Shanghai Disneyland reopens, Canada allows pairs of households to social distance together
o   Loved the German folks raving in their cars. Good observation on perspective – “Right now, this is a rave. Before corona, we just called it traffic!”
o   I laughed at Trevor’s insistence that the U.S. Disney parks get rid of the seven dwarves before they reopen – he doesn’t want Sneezy or Sleepy getting anywhere near him anymore
·       Headlines – Boris Johnson announces new COVID-19 guidelines, lockdown defiance in Colorado and Texas, new cases in South Korea shut down reopened clubs
o   An easy joke, but I liked that Johnson’s speech made the British as confused as when “they tried spice in their food for the first time” – “It’s like my tongue can see in color!”
o   I liked Trevor’s comment on the extreme whiteness of brunch as an act of rebellion – “It’s a khaki sale during a hockey game!”
o   Just because it bears repeating: the daily spike South Korea saw after this club case was 35 cases and they rapidly shut down bars and clubs again. Meanwhile, the U.S. has a few days reporting under 25,000 new cases, and some states are like, “Who’s ready to go to the salon??”
·       Main Story – COVID-19 in the White House
o   Dr. Fauci is working from home while self-quarantining, “as opposed to Trump, who will continue not working from home”
o   Great response to Trump’s attempts to explain why he didn’t wear a mask while he met with WWII veterans – “Is it just me, or did Trump go through all the stages of stupidity in one question?”
o   Trump’s reaction to Mike Pence’s press secretary testing positive, holy crap – “She tested great for a long time, and then all of the sudden she tested positive.” What was that?? I loved Trevor’s response: “This guy literally just said the reason why tests are useless is because they work?!”
·       Correspondent piece (Dulcé) – The 2020 Census
o   Dulcé couldn’t see why the census has a history of undercounting Black people when “the police are always finding us”
·       Interview – Politician/author Bakari Sellers
o   I’m glad they were able to discuss the Ahmaud Arbery killing – with COVID-19 taking so much attention and airtime, there’s not always time for other news, but this was important
o   Arbery’s killers had “a good old south Georgia father/son lynching” – what a chilling description
o   Sellers had a strong point about the importance of releasing these videos, noting that in this case, the existence of the video wasn’t enough. The police saw the video and made no arrests – it wasn’t until everyone else saw the video and an outcry was raised that Arbery’s killers were arrested

Tuesday, May 12
·       Ray of Sunshine – Justin Trudeau offers homework help, Chinese schools reopen, a recording of “New York City Noises” for quarantined New Yorkers
o   I loved Trevor’s additions for the NYC noises tape: “people booing the Knicks, a bike slamming into a car door, and 20 minutes of taxi drivers saying they won’t go to Harlem but they won’t say why”
·       Headlines – Obamagate, the Supreme Court hears arguments concerning Trump’s tax returns, Dr. Fauci testifies before the Senate
o   Listening to Trump “explain” Obamagate was so Emperor’s New Clothes – the crime is so obvious he doesn’t need to tell you what the crime is
o   Dr. Fauci, “America’s virus bae” – ha!
o   Good observation that Dr. Fauci “keeps coming up with new ways to say, ‘Stay inside or you might die’” – I liked Trevor’s analogy comparing reopening too soon to not waiting for a sports injury to heal before playing on it
·       Main Story – New discoveries about COVID-19
o   I laughed at Trevor’s reaction that the virus can spread through tears – “Why are people crying into each other’s eyes?!
o   Upon hearing that it’s also been detected in semen, Trevor’s take was, “I guess now we know why it spread so quickly in the New York City subway”
·       Correspondent piece (Desi) – Fox News coronavirus misinformation
o   I enjoyed Trevor’s preceding commentary more so than Desi “chatting” with her “aunt” Jeanine Pirro, although I laughed at the end when “Aunt Jeanine” just shouted, “Impeachment!” out of nowhere
o   Great description of Fox News from Trevor – “the longest-serving member of the Trump administration”
o   I also loved him comparing the network’s COVID-19 misinformation to a sex ed class taught by Mike Pence – “They keep their pants on because downstairs there’s nothing” (Trevor’s Pence impression always cracks me up)
·       Interview – actor/creator Ricky Gervais
o   I was impressed by some of Gervais’s observations/remarks on quarantine
o   I liked what he said about everyone having such an “are we there yet?” reaction in large part because it’s open-ended – we don’t know when it’s going to be over, which makes us edgier than if there was a definite end in sight
o   Great jokes about people fighting over toilet paper – “And this was day 1! These are the sort of people, the plane crashs and they start eating each other. And it’s like, ‘We’ve got sandwiches!’”
o   Another really nice point – Gervais feeling nostalgic for things he never used to do, like “puttering around the shops” or reading the paper in a café

Wednesday, May 13
·       Ray of Sunshine – A restaurant uses mannequins to social distance, a Facebook group of bored people in quarantine pretending to be ants, a coronavirus piñata
o   I loved the description of Facebook as “eldery TikTok”
o   Oh man, Trevor’s impression of Trump learning about the coronavirus piñata, taking away the lesson that the virus can be “beaten” with sticks, was fantastic: “Maybe we can put sticks inside the body, shrink the sticks down….”
·       Headlines – Twitter employees may work from home permanently, misleading headlines about Jared Kushner, Mitch McConnell responds to Obama’s criticism of the pandemic response
o   Trevor had a list of reasons why working from home is better – my favorite was “your office affair is actually good for your marriage”
o   I loved Trevor’s disgust at McConnell’s remarks (including the suggestion that Obama “keep his mouth shut,”) especially the line, “Is it just me, or did he pronounce ‘classless’ with a hard R?”
·       Main Story – The effects of COVID-19 on the drug trade
o   Really interesting story – while legal weed dispensaries are thriving right now, the illicit drug trade is being thwarted at every turn. I never thought about that before
o   I realized during this story that, someday, I would watch the hell out of a movie about a drug cartel being unable to operate during a pandemic and instead pivoting to distributing aid
·       Interview – Los Angeles mayor Eric Garcetti
o   Right away, Garcetti cleared up misconceptions about recent news of LA’s continuing “Safer at Home” order, describing plans in place to slowly reopen in stages, as safely as possible, while we’re all “living in the gray”
o   He didn’t mince words in calling people to do their part: “This is in your hards – you can kill people or you can save people”
·       Interview – Actor/entertainer Billy Porter
o   Trevor hoped to see Porter’s interpretation of “corona swag” casual wear, but Porter went for the “jacket on top, no pants on the bottom” look
o   Porter talked about his new song trying to encourage people to vote, and he urged a need to meld 21st century technology with “tenets of the Civil Rights movement” in today’s activism

Thursday, May 14
·       Ray of Sunshine – a viral Mother’s Day video from Canada, an online store to sell airline food, a herd of goats gets loose in San Jose
o   Trevor’s jokes wondering who in the world is eager to buy airline food were amusing, but he glossed over the point of the site, which is to reduce food waste by selling excess food that airlines won’t be able to use
o   I laughed at, “Did you see that? Not one of those goats is wearing a mask! Fauci isn’t gonna be happy about that!”
·       Headlines – FBI investigation into Senator Richard Burr, Wisconsin Supreme Court abruptly ends stay-at-home order, New York discuss the possibility of public-transit reservations to ensure social distancing
o   I liked Trevor’s point that, while he at least understands the perspective of people who are anxious to get back to work/school, going to a crowded bar without taking any precautions has nothing to do with “balancing the risks and benefits”
o   It led to this great analogy – “It’s like someone says they’re dying of thirst, then you give them water and they throw a wet T-shirt contest”
o   Loved this description of the NYC subway – “You’re a moving rat fight club that people take to work!”
·       Main Story – “Obamagate”
o   Of course all the Fox News hosts touting Obamagate used Obama’s full name – or, to quote Trevor, “Barack Hussein Jihad Nairobi Kenya Obama, get your butt down here!”
o   Haven’t we heard this conspiracy theory from Trump before? Yes, but “if we can have 5 Spider-Mans and 30 Batmans, then there’s no reason that Trump can’t bring back his favorite conspiracies too! Stop judging, it’s called a reboot!”
o   I’ve been liking the Desi “Foxsplain” pieces, where she “breaks a topic down” after bingewatching Fox News. Here, I loved her whispered, “I’d spell it out for you, but Fauci’s probably listening,” and her final random declaration, “Air Force One is a hologram!”
·       Interview – Oklahoma Farmers Union president Scott Blubaugh
o   This was a great interview, discussing the myriad ways that COVID-19 is messing with the food industry
o   Blubaugh emphasized the “just in time” delivery system for food supply chains, meaning that, if one stage of the process is held up, it creates a logjam of the whole system
·       Interview – actress Yara Shahidi
o   Shahidi talked a little about her involvement in the special “Graduate Together” livestream, featuring the likes of Barack Obama, LeBron James, and the Jonas Brothers – Trevor wanted to know if there was a group text chain
o   I liked what she said about her ongoing efforts to provide others with the kind of access she’s had “to opportunities that make me feel like I belong in this world”

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