News Satire Roundup: January 27th-January 30th

Monday, January 27 – We opened with Mike Pence meeting the Pope, followed by more on the coronavirus (I loved the joke that no cases are in Africa because the virus knew ebola would be waiting at the airport to kick its ass) and a new Vermont law allowing emojis on license plates (Trevor’s right: it would make catching a plate much easier.) The latest on the impeachment trial featured revelations about John Bolton’s book and Lev Parnas secretly recording a conversation with Trump. Good lines on how it seems everyone is secretly recording the president, and I liked the mock ad for a “Trump tapes” best-of CD. Desi did an interesting field piece on Mars One, likening it to a FyreFest-like scam. The CEO admitting he only had 10 staff (7 of which worked on the “storytelling” side of things) was wild. Great interview with author Charles Yu. His new book about an Asian-American actor striving to move beyond nondescript bit parts sounds cool.

Tuesday, January 28 – Wow: Prince Andrew hedging over whether he’d cooperate with an investigation into Jeffrey Epstein was so craven. We also covered Elizabeth Warren sending her dog to campaign in her place (loved the joke about other candidates’ attack ads against the dog) and Carnival’s new dress code banning “offensive” clothing. More on John Bolton, showing the contrast in how Fox News treated him before and after he spoke up about the Ukraine scandal. I laughed so hard at Lou Dobbs’s conspiracy chart that connected both Vindman brothers to Bolton but not each other. Strong story on ways Trump’s continuing xenophobic policies, from expanding the travel ban (“It’s like the reverse Oscar nominations: mostly Black and brown countries, with a token white country sprinkled in for diversity”) to outlawing “birth tourism.” Guest Ilana Glazer discussed her new standup special and a voter-registration party she hosted.

Wednesday, January 29 – Opening blurbs on French police confronting protesting firefighters, a woman using Tinder to get help when she was stranded (proof that guys will do anything for sex – “I will climb up the side of this mountain!!”), and an elephant roaming around a Sri Lankan hotel (I loved Trevor questioning how you can “spot” an elephant.) Next up was the administration’s Middle East peace plan… which involved zero Palestinian input. Jared Kushner’s “respectful” remarks about them were just jaw-dropping. With the impeachment trial, we moved onto the question period. I liked Trevor’s characterization of the questions asked by Democrats (“So Trump is obviously guilty, right?”) versus Republicans (“What makes Trump so innocent and handsome?”) Vox editor Ezra Klein was the guest. I liked what he said about how messed up it is that only one party is pushing to represent based on the votes of the people.

Thursday, January 30 – First up was a quick blurb on an increase in life expectancy. We also had part of the border wall blowing down in the wind and counterfeit $1 bills found in Minnesota (I agree with Trevor – why put in the time and resources to make a million $1s?) Next was a story on the Super Bowl, a.k.a. “a J-Lo show with concussions,” particularly an explosion in sports betting now that more states have legalized it. I laughed at New Yorkers crossing into New Jersey to place bets and then getting out as quickly as possible: “Whatever Happens in Jersey, Don’t Stay in Jersey!” Neal Brennan stopped by to ponder the GOP’s “kinky” relationship with Trump, letting him have all the power and debasing them however he wants. The guest, NFL player turned animated-short producer Matthew A. Cherry, discussed the Oscar-nominated Hair Love, discrimination against natural hair, and celebrating Black dads.