A Few Thoughts on Celebrity Apologies

I wound up hanging with friends for New Year’s Eve last night and didn’t get a chance to post. Here’s yesterday’s, and if I get a chance, I’ll put today’s up before I go to bed tonight.

In the two years since the Harvey Weinstein scandal, when countless allegations of sexual harassment have been brought into the open, Hollywood and many other arenas have developed a thriving cottage industry in powerful people getting “MeToo’d” (I hate the use of that phrase as a verb.) We’ve all heard this song before. Accusations, sometimes numerous, frequently stomach-churning, always horrible. Response, ranging from denial to apology. Possible repercussions, such as getting fired from a position of power, a tour getting canceled, or being replaced in a movie by Christopher Plummer. Period of isolation. Return to prominence, quietly at first but growing louder and more entitled at every turn. A frenzy of reactions, split between “So you’re just letting him back in?!?” and “He’s already served his sentence!!” (even though shockingly-few of these predators have faced any type of criminal accountability.) Wash, rinse, repeat.

It’s a thoroughly-disheartening cycle, and I could speak at length on any stage of it. Today, though, I want to look particularly at the “response” step, because I feel it’s critical when looking at the later question of how/when it’s appropriate to talk about redemption. How alleged sexual harassers and predators respond to accusations against them tells you pretty much everything you need to know that where this person’s head is in terms of genuine remorse or a desire to make amends. And, unsurprisingly, the overwhelming majority of it is entirely unencouraging.

First, of course, even though the title of this post is about apologies, I do have to bring up those who don’t even pretend to apologize. Already, there are some old chestnuts in here. I believe women, but the women accusing me are all liars (James Franco.) I’ve always treated women with the utmost respect! (Brett Kavanaugh.) If I was going to sexually assault someone, it wouldn’t be an uggo like that! (President Trump.)

But then, there are those who apologize, or more accurately, “apologize.” Because, far and away, most of these aren’t really apologies. They’re excuses and handwaving disguised by a contrite expression, quite possibly said in such a way that makes it sound like they’re the real victim. These “apologies” don’t have anything to do with offering restitution for the pain, trauma, and humiliation these prepetrators caused, they’re all about putting on a sad face for a bit in the hopes of mitigating any consequences for themselves. Weirdly enough, not many of them even contain the words “I’m sorry.” But boy, do we have “apologies” in every shade. I’m sorry if you were offended/got the wrong impression (Morgan Freeman.) That’s not me, not really (Dustin Hoffman.) By the way, is this a good time for me to tell you I’m gay? (Kevin Spacey.) It was a different time (Harvey Weinstein.) But no one told me I couldn’t masturbate in front of my colleagues! (Louis C.K.) Have this cinnamon roll recipe! (Mario Batali.) And on, and on, and on.

To be honest, during the last two years, I’ve only seen one apology that seemed more like an apology instead of damage control. One. Yes, in fairness, I’ve not read every single word from every accused sexual harasser/predator out there, but as you can see, I’ve read a lot. And one apology that feels honest is way too few. That solitary apology, no quotation marks necessary, was from Dan Harmon. He’s been the only one, for me, that has seemed to really engage with what he did. He doesn’t speak in vagueries and he doesn’t contort his syntax to put the onus of the victim’s misperception of his innocent intent. He doesn’t make excuses. He speaks specifically about what he did, why it was wrong, how it hurt the victim, and how he screwed up his own life because of it. Most significantly he confesses, “I certainly wouldn’t have been able to do it if I had any respect for women.” He talks about how he lied to himself at the time and told himself that his behavior was because he was in love, but in his apology, he faces up to the fact that it was inherently sexist and categorically wrong.

That, I think, is what an apology looks like. It doesn’t change what Dan Harmon did, but it shows that he recognizes how awful it was and the ugliness that fueled it. It shows his willingness to accept the repercussions his actions had for him and his readiness to engage with being a better person. Most of all, it shows how entirely his victim didn’t deserve how he treated her. It demonstrates guts as well as heart, and to me, it signals someone who’s started to work toward redemption, rather than lying low for ten months and then expecting to be welcomed back with open arms.