News Satire Roundup: December 15th-December 19th

Sunday, December 15 – Another great topic this week. Hasan looked at the lamentable state of retirement in the U.S. as the “silver tsunami” of baby boomers continues to age. He covered how each of the three pillars of retirement that are supposed to be in place have all been eroding for decades and also examined different types of elder care in a fake game show he called “Hasan’s Shitty Options” – no surprise that nursing homes, assisted living, and in-home care are all expensive and under-regulated. Additionally, we looked at how this retirement instability for boomers will affect their adult children, who will need to pick up the burden of money, care, and emotional labor to deal with this situation (and likely wind up taking out of their own retirement savings to take care of their parents.) I love the line about the “silver tsunami” washing away millennials and leaving only quinoa and K-cups in its wake.

Monday, December 16 – Trevor was excited to have five top pageant winners who are Black women, including the South African Miss Universe. We also got the Hallmark channel flip-flopping over LGBTQ ad content, the horrifying existence of “penis fish” (“The little mermaid’s bachelorette party got crazy!”), and military cadets flashing white power symbols at a football game. Next was the UK election, featuring Trevor’s puzzlement that the prime minister just lives on a regular street and various American politicians trying to make the UK’s election about the US. Jordan returned for the first of a series of campaign-rally field pieces, venturing again into the heart of Trump country. It was every bit as absurd and table-flipping as usual, but seeing guys snickering over Pete Buttigieg was the part that really got to me. The guest, comedian Dan Soder compared standup specials with Trevor, and the two made each other laugh.

Tuesday, December 17 – Re: the possible “second Mona Lisa,” I laughed at Trevor comparing it to the 16^th-century version of selfies – “my smile’s weird in this one, paint it again!” I loved Trevor’s plan to make the UN discuss climate change atop a melting iceberg, and we also got a quick blurb on less-than-flattering casting calls for Amazon’s Lord of the Rings series. Good story on barriers between Black people and therapy. I liked the jokes about white therapists not understanding the stresses of being Black: “So you think people follow you around stores and you’re invisible, but only to taxis?” The story on “porch pirates” stealing packages was fun, especially Trevor’s resentment at calling them anything other than regular thieves. Miss Universe winner Zozibini Tunzi was the guest. I loved her comments on winning with natural hair and how, for her, changing her hair for a pageant wasn’t even a question.

Wednesday, December 18 – We opened with an amber alert that turned out to be a hoax (loved Trevor’s suggestion to have a “Jussie Smollett alert” issued when that happens,) Spirit Airlines upgrading their cabins (with full-sized tray tables “for the meal they don’t serve you!”), and a caricature artist’s sketch of the person who robbed them. Though the show was taped before the House impeachment vote, we still covered it, getting in clips of Republicans comparing Trump’s impeachment to Pearl Harbor and Jesus’s crucifixion (what even?), while Michael tried to sell the Democrats as “super sad” about the whole thing. Ronny had an interesting piece on how climate change affects holiday traditions, like the rising costs of Christmas trees amid drier conditions and increased wildfires. The guest was actor Yahya Abdul-Mateen II. After Trevor praised his abs, I appreciated his honesty about how he only ever looks like that for roles.

Thursday, December 19 – Yet another debate. Good bit on the dwindling diversity – I loved the line comparing the Democratic primary to a horror movie, with all the Black people getting “killed off” first. We also covered talk about the economy and everyone coming for Pete Buttigieg (“What’s a wine cave? It sounds like where Batman goes to relax after a hard day,”) and Trevor of course had to flex after being quoted onstage by Amy Klobuchar. Next up was the impeachment, with Trump trying to sell it as “impeachment light.” Trevor did a great impression of him playing it off like a kid who falls off his bike and tells his friends he “meant to do that.” Jaboukie and Desi did a sketch on “538 & Me,” a DNA test that tells you who to vote for; it got very Us at the end. Great interview with pundit Mehdi Hasan. He was a big champion of voting for the candidate you believe in rather than getting bogged down in discussions of “electability.”