News Satire Roundup: September 8th-September 12th

Sunday, September 8 – Excellent episode today on the policing system. Hasan looked, not at individual racist cops, but at laws and policies that protect them when they hurt people. Some of these provisions were staggeringly unfair, like officers involved in shootings getting to review any evidence/recordings before making a statement, or the many states in which officers’ records of past conduct are confidential. Re: the latter, when California ordered those records unsealed, LA destroyed many of theirs, saying some were from the early ‘90s and just gathering dust. “Right,” Hasan said, “because it’s not like there were racist cops in LA in 1991.” Also horrible was the outrageous imbalance in police officer training between de-escalation techniques (8 hours) and weapons/fighting (129 hours) in a system that teaches them to suspect everyone and act before threats present themselves.

Sunday, September 8 – First up was Trump drawing on a map in an attempt to “prove” his erroneous claim that Hurricane Dorian was heading for Alabama. I enjoyed John following this to its natural conclusion, Trump standing in front of a blue electoral map with the word “RED” written across it and trying to claim victory. We also looked at Brexit – loved the description of Boris Johnson as what happens when you “boil a clown,” and John’s suggested hashtags for Johnson’s brother stepping down as an MP were great. Good main story on the filibuster. Interesting to learn about its history, both common misnomers about it (it wasn’t devised by the founding fathers) and ways it goes against its original intention (it’s very much not being used to increase debate and encourage bipartisanship.) The whole thing about the founders envisioning the Senate as a “cooling saucer,” with John leaning into that imagery, was really well done.

Monday, September 9 – Opening blurbs on the college admissions scandal, Andrew Yang crowd-surfing at a rally (loved the bit about what a consent minefield that would be,) and literal tons of marijuana found in a shipment of jalapeños. We got the latest installment on Trump’s “beefs,” with him still harping on Alabama, insulting Chrissy Teigen on Twitter, and apparently scuttling peace talks with the Taliban over his insistence on getting all the praise for it (that man, I tell you.) Michael partnered with Jaboukie for a new sports piece. My favorite part was Antonio Brown’s exuberant reaction to getting dropped by his team – loved Jaboukie imagining that it’s what the end of slavery would have looked like if social media existed back then. The guest, Queer Eye’s Antoni Porowski, did what he does best: talked passionately/emotionally about food, giving us a snapshot of the stories behind the recipes in his new cookbook.

Tuesday, September 10 – Of course there’s all kinds of drama over Trump firing John Bolton/Bolton resigning; great joke about Bolton’s mustache flying at half mast. We also covered Apple’s latest launch. I enjoyed the bit about how the inconsistent numbering system will confuse kids learning to count. “6, 7, 8, 10, 10R, 11 Pro…” Next was a story on trophy hunting, with Trevor looking at and refuting various claims about the practice (it doesn’t “aid” in evolution, most of the revenue doesn’t go to local villages, and Africans are capable of obtaining meat without white men killing lions and cheetahs.) Dulce did a report on a company that’s implanting microchips in their staff (Because Reasons?) She got behind the idea of having a chip in her hand to “swipe right in real life.” Brad Smith, Microsoft’s president, was the guest, and he did little to assuage Trevor’s nervousness about the dangers of AI.

Wednesday, September 11 – We opened on Trump proposing a ban on flavored e-cigarettes (I liked Trevor’s point that you know companies target youth because adult drug users don’t ask for “butterscotch cocaine,”) followed by Tim Ryan dropping a sick “policy album” on Spotify and new software to take McDonald’s drive-through orders. Good piece on the opioid crisis. I appreciated Trevor comparing drug companies’ fines with the jail time given to drug dealers like El Chapo; his disgust at the overwhelming lack of accountability was palpable. Lewis did a story on screen time, bristling with rage (of course) at Silicon Valley workers limiting their kids’ access to the phones/tablets they push on everyone else. The guest was young climate activist Greta Thunberg. She spoke eloquently and passionately about protecting the environment, and she was surprisingly-polite in describing how New York smells.

Thursday, September 12 – Third debate. I liked the jokes about some candidates just skipping ahead, Kamala Harris to focus on Trump and Andrew Yang to implement his “freedom dividend” for ten families. We also covered Julián Castro’s dust-up with Joe Biden, Kamala Harris defending her past record as a prosecutor, and Beto O’Rourke clarifying that, yes, he is coming for your AR-15s. I also liked the bit about the candidates wanting the good will Obama’s name carries while side-stepping some of his administration’s faults (especially Biden.) Fun sketch about the correspondents running a rehab center for former presidential candidates “reintegrating” into society. “See, just because I have a baby doesn’t mean you have to kiss it!” Journalist Jamelle Bouie was the guest. I really liked his remark that everyone has their own notion of “electability,” but the fact that Trump is president means that anyone can be electable.