News Satire Roundup: July 28th-August 1st

Sunday, July 28 – We looked first at Puerto Rico’s governor stepping down, examining the scandal that proved his final undoing and the efforts of the protesters. Understandably, the main story was on Boris Johnson, the U.K.’s new prime minister. I really liked how John challenged the claim that Johnson is “the British Trump,” instead demonstrating ways that his “clumsy dumb Brit” routine is a calculated move to make him appear nonthreatening and approachable. The show also looked at how he laid seeds for the distrust/dissatisfaction that would become Brexit for decades through the (actual) fake news he published while working as a journalist and the unlikely odds of him achieving any sort of non-disastrous Brexit, given that he’s alienated most of the EU. Using “full romcom-mode Hugh Grant in United 93” as an analogy for how Johnson’s comic persona stops being funny in light of the stakes of Brexit was perfect.

Monday, July 29 – After a quick look at a teenage Fortnite champion, we caught up on Trump’s latest “beefs.” As expected, Trevor mocked Trump’s insistence that, despite not drinking, he prefers American wine to French because it “looks nicer,” and the whole “Obama ruined the White House AC” thing was ridiculous. More serious was him calling Baltimore a “rodent-infested” city that “no human being” would want to live in. Trevor echoed others who’ve noted his racist pattern with the word “infested” (although I loved Trevor’s tangent that all the best cities with the best food have rats) and generally gave the comments the contempt they deserve. Dulcé reported on some recent relationship studies, including the rise in “foodie calls” (going on a date solely for the free meal.) Guest Angela Bassett humbly accepted Trevor calling her a legend and discussed her recent comedic work and the change it makes from intense drama.

Tuesday, July 30 – More live post-debate shows! Night one touched on OJ Simpson’s Twitter commentary(?) and covered some pregame stuff, like CNN’s weird Reaping Day method of picking the lineup and the interminable opening handshake between the candidates (I loved the joke about Marianne Williamson giving everyone a palm-reading.) There were some good points on how CNN ran the debate, with absurdly-short response times allotted for some questions and a number of questions that seemed to be angling for conflict (featuring the line, “CNN, you catty bitch!”) Roy didn’t want to talk about the debates when there’s still so many candidates. His argument that we should be honest and admit that all we really care about is who can win in the swing states had a point, a sad commentary on U.S. politics. The guest was journalist Olivia Nuzzi, who had a measured take and maintained that the nomination is still very up for grabs.

Wednesday, July 31 – Night two. The big theme of tonight’s coverage was the confrontations, featuring the expected “rematch” between Joe Biden and Kamala Harris and beyond, as well as Michael Bennet and Cory Booker tag-teaming against Biden (loved Booker’s Kool-aid saying and Trevor’s story about the white people he watched with looking to him for confirmation that Black people really say that) and Tulsi Gabbard coming for Harris. Some real body-slam moments, and Trevor didn’t ignore how CNN catered to that (even in small ways, like how the “random line-up selection” sandwiched Biden between his most outspoken critics.) Michael took a turn inside the post-debate “spin room,” trying to answer the big questions like, “Why is John Delaney still running?” Pollster Cornell Belcher was the guest. He also noted CNN’s hankering for conflict, which he pointed out was better suited for ratings than learning candidates’ views.

Thursday, August 1 – First up was a non-debate catch-up. We had a baby born in a cab, Jeffrey Epstein’s creepy past plans to “seed the earth” with his DNA (shudder,) and an asteroid narrowly missing the earth/a plague of locusts in Las Vegas (renewing Trevor’s suspicions that God is mad at us – “I mean, it’s call Sin City!”) There was also the recently-released audio of Ronald Reagan’s despicably-racist remarks to Richard Nixon. I loved Trevor’s response to the pundit who argued that, were Reagan still alive, he’d be the first to apologize for his words: “Yeah, he should be the only one to apologize!” The latest CP Time from Roy looked at moments in hip-hop history, from the origins of the record scratch to the proliferation of the turntable. Orange is the New Black’s Diane Guerrero was the guest, talking about the new season and coming into her own as an activist by speaking about her family’s experiences with deportation.