News Satire Roundup: July 8th-July 11th

Monday, July 8 – The clip-show week started with a new volume of Fox News-related bits. For me, highlights included Fox News’s “ride or die” attitude towards Trump (showcased in their spin of both the shutdown ending without border-wall funding and Trump apparently losing over a billion dollars in ten years,) the exhausting life of Fox News viewers being told to stockpile things the Democrats are “coming for” (“It’s like a reverse Marie Kondo – put everything in your house as long as it sparks rage!!!), and the bizarre U.S. habit of automatically supporting anything the other party opposes (“Cow farts are the smell of freedom!”) We also revisited Trump at a rally naming Fox News pundits like an all-star line-up, a piece from Desi on media treatment of female presidential candidates, Democratic disagreement over Fox News town halls, and Steve Doocy’s unsuccessful man-on-the-street interviews re: distracted walking laws.

Tuesday, July 9 – A full night of animal stories, which was fun (although they didn’t include the bit about the evolution of dogs’ eyes to make us love even more.) So much good stuff, from stoners stumbling upon a tiger in an empty house to a chimpanzee using Instagram to a rare bird who killed its owner (the “Malcolm X” of chickens!) to a whale who might be a Russian spy. I loved seeing the bit about gay lions in Kenya again (“Mommy, are those lions making a baby?” “No, sweetie, they’re just having a good time.”) Two police-pet stories, first with a CPR-using dog and second with a sworn-in law enforcement kitten, which featured a lot of terrific police-cat jokes from Ronny. We also got Desi reporting on the deer problem in Staten Island, a dog trying to ditch its owner during an RV chase, the neckties on Julian Assange’s cat, cows in Florida “apprehending” a police suspect, and Lewis ranting about pet custody battles in divorce cases.

Wednesday, July 10 – We’re returning to “Best Of” specials for the correspondents, tonight getting a second volume for Michael. Mostly longer, full segments: the show included Trump supporters’ double standards on “civility” (“He wasn’t mocking a girl with Down Syndrome being separated from her parents! He was mocking people who think a girl with Down Syndrome being separated from her parents is sad!”), advocating for reparations on the grounds that it will erase white guilt, and his year-end “Best Michaels of 2018” piece. We also got his field pieces on Space Force (as the show’s current straight white guy, Michael takes Jordan’s old role of interviewing people outside Trump rallies) and gun ownership in Switzerland. And of course, what would an episode on Michael be without a montage of crass charts? My favorite remains the Stephen Miller one that looks like a dick.

Thursday, July 11 – Volume 2 special for Dulcé. I love her piece on Black women’s support for Joe Biden, all boiling down to “a sneaky way” of getting “Obama back in the White House.” Other desk pieces included firings in the administration, Black Women’s Equal Pay Day (still love the joke that, if Kerry Washington starred in 24, they’d have to call it 39 for her character to be paid as much as Jack Bauer,) and awkward ways police have tried to improve community relations (other than, you know, not shooting unarmed Black people.) In the field, we got her report on the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee “ghosting” candidates in non-surefire-victory districts. In addition, we had a bit on 911 calls on innocent Black people and a great sketch with Desi about protecting reproductive rights by “incorporating” vaginas – “Because your ‘private sector’ should stay private,” love it!