News Satire Roundup: July 22nd-July 25th

Monday, July 22 – First up was women smoking weed during pregnancy, followed by Marvel’s takeover of the world (I laughed at Trevor’s prediction that we’ll eventually live at the movie theater, sneaking in actual life events like weddings during Hawkeye scenes,) and members of John Delaney’s own campaign staff urging him to drop out of the race. Next, we had a story on rapper A$AP Rocky in jail in Sweden, with Kanye West calling in a favor to Trump to try to get him released. I loved Trevor’s breakdown of just how bizarre real life has become. Ronny had a fun piece on ludicrous stuff bought at auction, from $11,000 grapes to nearly $2 million film reels of the moon landing (that was my favorite – “you paid almost $2 million for something I can watch on YouTube!”) Jamie Bell was the guest. After discussing Rocketman and Elton John, he talked about his new film Skin and how he dealt with playing a reformed white supremacist.

Tuesday, July 23 – We opened on Boris Johnson giving the most British delivery ever of the word “dude,” heat waves being replaced by severe storms (Trevor warned first-born sons to get their affairs in order,) and cat-declawing being banned. Good but frustrating story on U.S. plastic waste that was shipped to Asia now being sent back because communities are drowning in it. Other than (obviously) wishing we produced less waste, I wish products were more clearly labeled with how to recycle them properly – I don’t want to think I’m doing it right then find out my plastic is still mostly ending up in landmills. Michael and Roy reported on some obscure sports news, from snail racing to underwater hockey (“It’s like white people saw one Black guy playing hockey and thought, ‘How can we make this even whiter?’”), and a cheating chess champion. The guest, David Spade, talked comedy and promoted his new show for the network.

Wednesday, July 24 – Opening blurbs on Puerto Rico’s governor stepping down, Boris Johnson becoming prime minister, delivery apps stiffing drivers (of course,) and meth-filled snow globes smuggled into Australia (I loved Trevor’s tangent about how pointless snow globes are in the 21^st century.) The big story was Robert Mueller’s congressional testimony. Mueller already made it clear what he was going to do, so I’m not surprised there, but I wish the committee had done more, although I’m not sure what exactly. Lewis did a Back in Black on various terrible things that can happen at beaches (including impaling by umbrellas!) I loved the bit about shark attacking humans because they mistake us for seals – “it’s not bad enough I’m being attacked by a shark, now I’m being body shamed?!” The guest was Gina Torres, talking about her Suits spinoff and the importance of representation in the writers’ room as well as on camera.

Thursday, July 25 – Wild video of a kid riding an airport conveyor belt (perfect opportunity for more Spirit Airlines jokes!) We also got quick bits on declining U.S. fertility rates and cops in Harlem who were doused with water – I agree with Trevor that everyone was lucky those cops didn’t react, and I liked his idea of a world where all gang members are armed with water. Good piece on the student loan crisis, featuring some amusing jokes about a dog with obedience school debt and a fake sitcom showing real life for a lot of millennials. We had a new “Fuck These Animals” from “Australian” Trevor. The little girl getting charged by a bison was especially freaky, but I loved the jokes about how she’d be throwing it in her parents’ faces for the rest of their lives. Presidential candidate Andrew Yang was the guest, discussing his universal basic income plan and the reality of how automation/AIs will affect more and more industries.