News Satire Roundup: June 16th-June 20th

Sunday, June 16 – After starting with Steve Bullock’s huffy reaction to being left out of the Democratic debates, we moved on to Rep. Duncan Hunter blaming his wife for the misuse of a quarter of a million dollars in funds.  I loved the point that “she’s cooperating with the prosecution” is as chilling for a politician to hear as “we have you on tape” or “you’re polling below Mayor de Blasio.”  Ha!  The main story was on impeachment.  John looked at what it specifically is, examined reasons why some Democrats are reluctant to start proceedings, and discussed why he still feels they have a duty to do it.  I really liked that, the assertion that, even if it doesn’t “get rid of Trump” (and with a 2/3 Senate majority required, it likely wouldn’t,) it’s still important to demonstrate that a president doesn’t have carte blanche to 1) try to have the person investigating them fired or 2) eagerly accept opposition intel from a foreign government.

Sunday, June 16 – Interesting story today, on Internet inequality. Hasan looked at the lack of quality broadband access in rural areas and underserved communities, which involved a lot of moving parts. There was Charter and Comcast divvying up the country between them to ensure that both companies have a virtual monopoly wherever they operate. There was everyone from students to doctors having to use McDonald’s parking lots for WiFi because they can’t access the Internet at home, and the unescapable fact of how essential the Internet is to most aspects of life. There was the big cable companies lobbying state governments to block individual cities from bypassing the intractable corporations and setting up their own Internet (I wasn’t familiar with municipal broadband, but it sounds great.) Great ending, with Hasan announcing that the episode would even be available through Netflix’s DVD service for people who can’t access streaming.

Monday, June 17 – Great joke that “O.J. Simpson is now following you” (on Twitter) is one of the scariest things you could hear.  We also covered blackouts in South America and a reporter hilariously asking Pete Buttigieg to use his “gaydar” to ID closeted gay presidents from the past (what even…)  Excellent story on racism in the Phoenix police force.  Great points all around, especially the juxtaposition of the cops screaming about busting caps while bystanders called for someone to defuse the situation, and just the notion of cops going in guns cocked over a 4-year-old taking a Barbie from a store was horrifying. Next was Trump’s recent interview with George Stephanopoulos.  I loved the line that, given what we’ve seen him do to flags in public, who knows what Trump is doing with the ones in the Oval?  Guest Christine Lagarde discussed directing the International Monetary Fund and the financial benefits of investing in women.

Tuesday, June 18 – First up was Facebook creating their own cryptocurrency (but they totally promise not to share users’ private data,) followed by video of a man sleeping in his self-driving Tesla and a policy to fine the parents of bullies (I liked Trevor’s plan to make the bullies pay the kids they’re bullying.)  I also loved the bit on dogs’ eyes evolving to be more human-like – naturally, it was full of adorable pictures.  Next was a good story on a teen (a Parkland survivor) whose Harvard admission was rescinded after extremely-racist texts and social media posts surfaced.  I loved the joke that even rappers would think that was too many N-words.  Jaboukie reported on the commercialization of Pride and the debate over whether corporations should get to coopt it; the EQT fracking “drilldo” he made was hilarious.  The guest, DNC chair Tom Perez, talked about the upcoming Democratic debates and why the overstuffed primary isn’t a circus.

Wednesday, June 19 – Opening blurbs on the protests in Hong Kong, a huge cocaine bust on a ship (featuring Trevor’s “call” for a wall in the ocean to stop illegal drugs and mermaids – “They say life is better down where it’s wetter, so why do they keep coming in?”), and Trump announcing of his reelection campaign (remind me why he’s still talking about Hillary Clinton?)  We looked at the attack on U.S. ships near Iran – loved the bit about how they identified “Iranian fingerprints” on a ship, and Trevor’s Netflix analogy for U.S. wars in the Middle East was pitch perfect (“Oh my god, you guys, we still haven’t finished Syria!  What was going on in that one again?”)  Roy had a great CP Time looking at famous escaped slaves, like Henry Box Brown, who mailed himself to the North.  The guest was actor Arturo Castro, talking about his new sketch show depicting the full range of Latinx humanity outside of stereotypes.

Thursday, June 20 – More on Iran (with Trump reassuringly not wanting to go to war to avenge a drone,) followed by Roy Moore’s planned comeback, Avengers:  Endgame returning to theaters, and humans developing an extra bone at the back of their head due to looking down at their phones.  Really good story on Joe Biden shouting out a few segrationists in the senate from early in his career, to show he works well with those he disagrees with.  I loved Trevor’s jokes on Biden’s defensive response to criticism from Black opponents in the 2020 race, especially the point that the whole thing started with Biden’s claim about how he’s civil to people despite differences they have.  We also looked at the protests in Sudan, including some history behind them.  Skiier Lindsey Vonn was the guest; I liked her description of the sensation of skiing, after Trevor very gleefully admitted it was way too white an activity for him to have ever done it.