News Satire Roundup: January 7th-January 10th

Monday, January 7 – Trevor tsked at Rashida Tlaib calling Trump a motherfucker, disappointed that she hadn’t come up with a more specific insult.  We looked at a failed attempt to clean up a garbage patch in the ocean (which Trevor predicted as the big bad in the next Aquaman,) then moved onto the government shutdown.  Great story.  Trevor covered Trump assuming the furloughed government workers care more about the wall than getting paychecks, and I loved his response to news that people are pooping on the ground at national parks – “Who’s the shithole country now?”  Roy discussed R. Kelly’s streaming numbers increasing after a documentary about his sexual abuse allegations, blaming news stories that pair reports on the allegations with clips of his music.  Malala Yousafzai was the guest, talking about understanding refugees by listening to their stories and generally being awesome.

Tuesday, January 8 – Open blubs on far more people thinking they have food allergies than actually do, hospitals now having to publicly post the price of every service, and a self-driving car hitting a robt at the consumer electronics show – loved the speculation that the robot revolution might actually involving them fighting each other.  Next up was Trump floating the idea of declaring a national emergency to get the wall built.  I liked the comment that Trump governs like a man standing on a ledge – “I haven’t done it, but I might!!!” – and good remarks about Trump inadvertently shining a “black light” on holes in the Constitution.  Michael had another piece on Swiss gun ownership, visiting the world’s largest gun festival; the most telling moment for me was the fact that schools there don’t have active-threat drills.  The guest, author and advocate Marc Mauer, discussed why life sentences are an ineffective eway to reduce crime.

Wednesday, January 9 – Crazy that redacted info was leaked because Paul Manafort’s lawyers couldn’t edit a PDF.  We also got quick jokes on Tiffany’s being more open about its diamond sources (featuring Trevor’s still-fresh annoyance at Leonardo DiCaprio’s South African accent in Blood Diamond) and a weird factoid from J.K. Rowling about what wizards did before toilets – why??  We covered Trump’s address, which Trevor maintained should’ve come with an adult content warning, along with the Democratic response; I laughed at Trevor saying, “Seriously, guys, you’re sharing a podium?  They really are socialists!”  After a montage of CNBC pundits struggling to talk about Jeff Bezos’s divorce, Desi low-key proposed to the former Mrs. Bezos, who’s just come into $66 billion.  Nice interview with director Barry Jenkins, talking about the importance of exploring the full range of characters’ humanity in If Beale Street Could Talk.

Thursday, January 10 – We opened with Beto O’Rourke Instagramming a dental cleaning, Rep. Steve King asking what’s so wrong about white supremacy, and a French restaurant for nudists going out of business (surprising no one.)  More on the shutdown.  Michael talked to protesting federal workers, and Trevor looked at Trump’s border visit and the revelation that the “steel slats” barrier can be sawed through with common tools.  I loved Trevor’s plan for merit-based immigration to reflect the skills immigrants use to get past the wall.  Next, Trevor meditated on The Upside and the controversy over an able-bodied actor playing a disabled lead character.  Disappointing that he hadn’t seen the big deal about that, but good that he understood after listening online to a disabled actor’s experiences.  The guest was John David Washington, discussing the extraordinary true story of BlacKkKlansman and working with Spike Lee.