News Satire Roundup: March 26th-March 29th

Monday, March 26 – We opened on March for Our Lives – I loved the riff about how much pressure must be on King family members to have inspiring dreams, and Rick Santorum’s comment suggesting students “learn CPR” rather than ask Congress to do something about gun violence was despicable.  A Trump edition of Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That covered the ousting of Russian diplomats, John Bolton joining the administration, the transgender ban in the military (I loved the remark that trans people who’ve entered Alabama public bathrooms would make the bravest soldiers,) the omnibus bill, and Stormy Daniels.  Roy had a great field piece on a 2nd Amendment rally in Montana, featuring the stunning irony of protest organizers requesting attendees not to bring their guns to avoid “safety issues.”  Tyler Perry was the guest, discussing his empire and the importance of having a Black-owned studio.

Tuesday, March 27 – The latest in gun safety, with a Pennsylvania school equipping classrooms with buckets of rocks(?!) to use against shooters.  We got a profile on John Bolton, featuring his general warmongering, his continued support for the Iraq War, and a series of hilarious physical descriptions (my favorite being “Gepetto cosplayer.”)  I liked the piece on a staggeringly-racist Heineken ad – I appreciated Trevor’s theory that, with many people fastforwarding through ads, the only way to actually get people to see them is to incite controversy and wind up on the news.  Roy’s own ad for his new corporate service “Ask a Black” was fun, and the fake racist ads in it were appropriately horrible.  The latest Third Month Mania segment featured a guest spot from the guy from The President Show, highlighting the final Trump-BS matchups.  Guest Sean Penn discussed the book he’s written and mused on the need for the president to be impeached.

Wednesday, March 28 – After a quick blurb on Trump firing his Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Trevor moved onto a story on Sarah Huckabee Sanders and her complete dedication to whatever the Trump party-line BS is.  This piece led to a fun skit from Desi taking Huckabee Sanders’s tactics and trying to apply them to real life.  Next up was an Alabama sheriff who bought himself a beach house with money he “saved” from his prison food budget.  Michael came on to give an important lesson on the distinction between “wrong” and “illegal,” and I liked Trevor’s point about how the sheriff’s actions here color his remarks on other subjects (like suggesting opioid addicts should be imprisoned rather than treated, thus increasing his budget.)  Musicians/Grown-ish cast members Chloe x Halle were the guests, first fangirling as they shared the story of getting discovered by Beyoncé and later performing a lovely pair of songs from their album.

Thursday, March 29 – Trevor led with Kim Jong-un’s “secret” visit to China, foiled only by the use of his private train.  Good follow-up on the new Secretary of Veterans Affairs, White House doctor Ronny Jackson – I appreciated Trevor’s point that Veterans Affairs is enormous (with more employees than GM!), and simply being a doctor shouldn’t be enough to run it.  Hasan came out to discuss an English hate group’s proposed “Punish a Muslim Day.”  He covered the inscrutable points system – to be redeemed where? – and noted that condensing Islamaphobia into just one day a year could be an okay deal.  Desi and Dulcé’s final Women’s History Month piece was on Sarah Howe, a woman who was highly successful in her field.  Namely, conning people out of half a million dollars.  Desi’s performance as Howe in the “reenactment scenes” was great.  The guest, Rosie Perez, talked Rise and her experience supporting the arts in schools.